I don't know what it is, but I feel this immense feeling to hold Kerry's hand right now. Literally drive my ass up to Kentucky and be there along with her family to embrace her this week. I know what she is battling right now is every mothers nightmare. It's an unexplainable feeling knowing that you have done everything possible but no matter what your body isn't cooperating. It's a feeling of failure beyond words even though you know deep down in your heart it is out of your control.
I feel so connected to Kerry and I am hurting for her so deeply. She got news last night that with Josey's IUGR and her severely high blood pressure, that her fight is coming to an end.Time is running out and it’s getting unsafe to let Kerry stay pregnant. There is always that hope and glimmer of a miracle can happen. A miracle that Josey is bigger than measured, Kerry stabilizes more and we can hold out a few more weeks.
Kerry's blog just got me this morning. Something just smacked me in the face, I have been through this. It just happened faster, I had no time to think, no time to attempt to accept, no time to worry. And here I am, watching what happened to me in June, happen all over again to someone close to me. This isn't fair and I just don’t get it.
I’m not joking Kerry, I will be there in a heartbeat. I will come take sweet pictures of baby Josey in the NICU if that’s where she gets to go. I would take family pictures of you 3 if she doesn’t get to go. I would do anything to be there for you and give you everything I remember helping me. I will help walk beside you in this time of Hell.
I get it. I understand. I will hold your hand. Promise.