- 32 weeks on Friday- HUGE GOAL!
- Still be pregnant at the big baby shower on Sunday!
- 34 weeks
- The day we turn 37- DEC 10th- C-Section DAY!!!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
at 7:11 PM
Sunday, October 24, 2010
at 6:43 PM
Friday, October 22, 2010
at 11:56 PM
Sunday, October 17, 2010
at 9:17 PM
Friday, October 15, 2010
Today is a day that all us mothers in the community of baby loss come together and remember our angels together. It's when all us mothers wished we we're lighting birthday candles instead of candles in memory, but it’s a night we can all remember together.
So tonight, at 7pm I lit my 2 candles for Nolan and Kalli and all other babies that left too soon. I want to name them all but I am in fear of missing some.
Amy and I have had such a strong and special bond from day 1. We we're each other's backbones through some months that we had no one else that understood. Last year, Amy lit candles for Nolan & Kalli since I was at work and sent me the picture.
I should be lighting candles on my Nolan's birthday cake next June 8th. But instead we are lighting candles on Oct. 15th for infant loss remembrance day.
But I didn't even get to light that, I am at work and at 7pm I was going to a trauma. So my dear friend Amy lit one for our babies and sent it to me. It made my night.
I love you Nolan and I will NEVER ever go a day and not think about you. I still can't believe you are not here in my arms right now. I guess I am just in shock that this is our new life. I never in a million years thought we would be faced with losing a baby, I really didn't.
So to all the Mom's that I have met since June that are feeling the same thing, I am thinking about you girls today and all your sweet angels in Heaven.
This year, my parents came over and we did the same. It's a tradition that Amy and I will share forever on October 15th. And nothing was sweeter than when I called her tonight at 7, I could hear sweet Kooper coo-ing in the background.
I love you Amy, I love all my new friends in this community. I wish we never had a reason to all come together but I am glad we all found each other. I'm remembering all your sweet angels tonight and hope that the next few years brings us all some new found happiness.
at 6:53 PM
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Holy cow! I am 29 weeks tomorrow! That means 8 weeks to go until my C-section. I guess it’s safe to say we need to get this nursery underway! We knew from the beginning that we would not repaint Nolan’s room and if we get our new house (crossing fingers), the room will be painted the same. The question was if we we’re going to keep the nursery the nautical nursery we had planned for Nolan or if we would change it.
If we didn’t change it, all we needed was a crib, dresser and new bedding, since I gave Nolan’s anchor bedding to baby Kooper. But in my heart, that was Nolan’s room, always will be. This baby is different, this baby is a different pregnancy and deserves his own style. But nothing seemed to fit like it did with Nolan. Nolan was a cruise ship baby, that’s where my nautical inspiration came from. Then when I started fight for his life, that very same anchor took a different meaning, HOPE. We never finished the nursery before it turned into a memory room. We never had the furniture ordered, just painted walls and a few decorations. I never thought that when we finally framed the official nautical chart from our wedding, signed by the captain himself that we would be hanging a “in memory” plaque under it. It just doesn’t seem right.
So we wanted this baby to have his own theme, his own identity.
This pregnancy is about me trying to stay positive and saying “I think I can, I think I can” make it to 37 weeks. I know I can do it, even if it seems far fetched. So this little boy’s room will be all about TRAINS! It just seems fitting, especially when my Mom reminded me how much my brother Charlie LOOOOOVED trains. It just seemed as if the puzzle fit. CC has his Uncle Charlie up there routing for him to have one awesome name and a pretty sweet nursery as he holds his big brother up there and takes care of him. I know Charlie is looking down on me and refusing to let us lose another baby. He only has the attention span to take care of one up there. Morbid, maybe.. but it’s how I think of things to make me feel better.
Then the kicker was, the other night I finished Mary Beth Chapman’s book, Choosing Too See, about losing her 5 year old daughter in a tragic accident. It’s about her grief journey and choosing to see God through it. Well my breath was taken away reading this last line at the ending of the book.
Well now that 29 weeks is approaching and 37 is not too far away, I think it’s time we hustle down and start this vision I have had. Because I have to keep telling myself, I think I can, I think I can.. and I WILL bring this baby home, even on days when I am convinced this is all too good to be true.
So Baby CC’s room will go a little bit like this…
We are keeping the walls the same. I am in LOVE with the paint job, it’s a small part of Nolan’s memory room that will keep it’s charm. Plus it already matches what we want to do. I want to keep it simple.
I feel in LOVE with a crib, so I guess it’s time to order that. I think I finally feel ready
The bedding is from Pottery Barn Kids & is very simple, plain and no theme, and HOW ironic that the picture from the website is a TRAIN nursery. The picture resembles a lot of what the nursery will look like when it’s put together. Blue, simple and a few trains.
I want to add a few pictures of trains..
I want a peaceful room that doesn’t feel like we erased Nolan, but I want a nursery that is something meaningful to us like it was when we did Nolan’s. But I also want a room that we FINISH putting together to call a nursery when we are done. I want to see the crib and glider all set up. I just want to being a baby home to it. I think I am ready to make this all happen, because in 8 short weeks, Baby CC will be coming home!
at 11:40 PM
Friday, October 8, 2010
at 3:35 PM
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Remember Piper’s 5k that Chris and I ran in?
Well tonight, my Mom & Dad came with me to support another Piper event. Packing for Piper was a hockey game played in honor of little Piper, her Dad played on the Alumni team that came back to the ice for Piper. We went to support Piper’s Foundation which benefits the NICU that Nolan was in, and support her Mom, Heather. Heather and I have gotten to know each other over the past 8 months because of our common grief.
The teams introduction had me worked up, watching Piper’s Dad announced back out on the ice for his daughter, the moment of silence in honor of Piper and Heather’s gracious and heartfelt speech pre-game had me in tears. It means so much to me, and touches home when I looked around and realized most those people there were all for Piper and her cause. Just amazing! I honestly love this cause, supporting local babies. And with Piper’s help, she is saving so many babies in the very same NICU that gave me a chance to meet our Nolan, and gave him a fighting chance.
These are the words, from Heather herself that had tears rolling down my face during pre-game. Love you Heather and I am so proud of you, Tom and Piper's Foundation.
So I am here to announce, I was already planning on walking with a stroller next year for Piper’s 5K…but instead, we are going to RUN it. I should be about 11 weeks post partum and I KNOW I can do this. It’s a goal I am setting for myself and I may need you guys to push me come Jan when I am cleared to start training. I can do this! I can do it for Nolan & Piper, for the NICU and for ME.
at 8:20 PM