Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Confessions of a casual Black Friday shopper

Black Friday. I hate you. You are a nightmare to my brain. I had no intentions of doing the whole Black Friday thing, I thought I had no desire to stand in line to save a few dollars. That was until I was sitting at home, boys were sleeping and I knew I had nothing else better to do that night than lay on the couch and catch up on DVR because us night shifters have no other life in the middle of the night than watch reruns of the Slap Chop and Pedi Egg.
"If you call NOW (3:56am) in the next 19 seconds, you will not only get a Slap Chop for 3 easy payments of $9.99 BUT you will get 12 Slap Chops for the price of one" HOLY cow pie!! That is BETTER than Black Friday, WTH was I thinking?!
So why not, the stores are opening at Midnight AND there were a few, and I mean FEW things that caught my eye. I think I was just more excited there was stores other than Walmart open at my time of night for once and I had something to kill time. 

 So may plan of attack: Target, Kohls, Bealls. I left it up to CC to plan out my Black Friday attack, as you see he knew exactly what to do with those ads. STOMP all over them!

11:25pm, I find myself in the Target parking lot staring at the growing line and thinking to myself WTF am I doing?! What did I REALLY need at Target that I just HAD to have. Nothing. Plus there is no way in hell I can wait for 30 minutes for this store to open, I'M BORED!

SO 5 minutes later I find myself across the street at Bealls accessing the parking lot and huge line outside the door. With 10 minutes to spare to Midnight and my lack of patience, I decided to drive to Kohls and start there. I figured by time I got there, it's be open and no hassle getting in. 

 HOLY HELL! People! Get a grip! 

It's a freaking pillow and towel half off! These idiots were wrapped around the building twice. Maybe I was missing something. So I go in, with no particular thing to buy but get trampled by 300 desperate housewives trying to buy every kitchen platter/bake ware and utensil in stock. They would frantically run people over with their carts stocked so high they couldn't see over them like a 93 year old driving. 

Watch it people! I grab my basket, pick out a few ornaments -seriously what person goes "window shopping" for random things on BLACK FRIDAY?- ME! 

I'm making my way to the other side of the store when my basket jumps out of my hands and side sweeps the table in the middle of the aisle holding 80 some odd candle vases. (Don't ask me who's brainy idea that was to strategically place that there. But you know what happens next... 


Glass everywhere! People walking over it, people watching in disgust at me while all I want to do is hide. I was honestly waiting for the thunderous clap- You know, the one they do at the restaurant when a waiter drops the plate. But nothing. 

Shit, that would have been better than the under the breath comments coming from passer buyers and evil stares from people wondering why I am not licking it up for crying out loud. So here I am on the floor of Kohls with crazy people practically crawling over me as I sweep the glass under the table with my shoes. I was SO having that dog with tail between legs moment.

Finally someone shows up to save the day, I apologize for the loss of $13.99 and go on with my business. What do you expect- glass in the middle of the aisle on Black Friday. Sorry. So I left. The line wrapped around the store to check out turned me off. 

So back to Bealls, then back to Kohls (yes I wanted that damn ornament), the unmentioned store where husbands gift came from, then best friend begs me to join her at Old Time Pottery as soon as she gets off at 6. Which turned into Toys R Us, Michaels and Old Navy. 

Did I mention I was delirious by Old Time Pottery, a metal chicken even looked like a good buy!

Finally went to bed around 11am. Did I mention I only slept 3 hours the day before when I got off work before Thanksgiving festivities started. I'm still trying to figure out what someone drugged me with that made me want to try this Black Friday crap, then to stay out till 11am only to have to work that night and the next 3?! 

 So here I am, Black Friday casual shopper survivor on 3 hours of sleep. Will I do it next year, ahhh NO! I'll stay home and throw back some Pinot while I watch all my friends FB status' of ridiculous lines and pepper spray fights over some sale towels. 
I just don't have the patience or grace to deal with that chaos. Obviously. 

So where have I been this past week? Recovering. Worked 3 nights in a row following my Black Friday mess and now here I am blogging at 5am because the baby is still asleep and my attention span is at a peak to sit still for more than 3 minutes.

No joke. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What the vlog? I forgot.

Attempt #1 at "vlogging' 
3 hours later, I am still trying to remember out what made me want to vlog in the first place.
For the love of my ADD. This is unscripted folks, it's semi disturbing seeing how scatter brained I am. Poor Chris.

And yes, our spare closet is my new blogging home. It's just too big to be wasted space and as Ash V says, life is good when you have a window in your closet. Yup, I need to pick out new curtains for my 'office window'

Think Chris will be mad when he sees I cleaned the closet out onto the spare bedroom bed? Naw... 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Withdrawal sign #947

Sign #947 that an individual is going through cruise withdrawal

Coming home from work, pouring a glass of vino and taking a bath with your kids blow up version of the Ruby Princess.

It's as close as this girl is going to get.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Home Sweet Home

There's nothing like walking into your home after a week vacation and smelling the aroma of pumpkin pie plug ins or crawling into crisp clean cool sheets or using a toilet that doesn't sound like it's having a seizure every time you flush. Yes the joys of cruising, toilets.
Maybe I am pushing it a bit, I would take that 12x12 cabin any day if it was offered to me again.

But in all honesty, for the first time in 11 cruises, we were happy to be HOME. Granted the big boat is our home away from home, sharing a cabin with a 11 month old terrorist who find bras and underwear in a drawer way more amusing than his 300 toys, makes for a long week. But a week I wouldn't trade for the world. 

 We traded in our nights in the night club for nights where we retired to our cabin early with a sleeping baby and had drinks out on our balcony while CC slumbered away in the closet. Yes, closet. I have no shame, we put the pack n play in the cabin's closet, it's an open long space that fit the pack n play perfect. Hey it worked.

We spent more time in the buffet than we did at the pool. What can I say,  my kid eats like a 300lb man and I can't keep food on his plate long enough before he shoves it in his mouth. This though became a problem for Chris and I. CC had to eat at least 3 times a day, full meals, highchair pulled up to the table, full on scene. Which in turn made Chris and I eat full and I mean food falling off full plate of food each setting. Thus adding many inches to our waistline. No big deal, right?

HA! I brought one formal dress. My favorite one, the pink flowers and jewels make me feel like I am dancing on top of the world when I slip squeeze it on. I knew it was a tight fit, a tad tighter than last cruise. But dammit- I didn't care- I have to go to at least ONE formal night this cruise. I made sure we went to the first formal night in the cruise so I fit in my dress, wore my best pair of Spanx and made mental notes not to bend over to grab baby out of stroller. Because goodness would I burn some eyes with my hot nude colored Spanx hanging out of the back of my dress. Shoot, I already rolled up the legs enough so they didn't show at all. 

Too bad I looked down at dinner and saw this.
No wonder the waiter kept asking if I wanted more bread. 
No another napkin please because this first one isn't covering this mad mess!

But hey, who cares when you're famous on the ship. OK, well I lie. But much to our surprise we found our wedding photo still hanging out in the photo gallery. I had to resist the urge to tell everyone walking by how cool we are. Yea, we are losers because this friends was a huge highlight of our trip. 

But then again, we are the dorks that went out to the deck we were married on and did a .083 second replay for the one photo op.

So much has happened in the past 3 years, had you told me that very day that we would go through what we did and be able to stand in that very spot 3 years later and reply a kiss, I would have laughed in your face. But we did it, we live our life for Nolan, we strive to be the best parents for CC and dammit we are still going to cruise.

To be continued: How we cruised with a baby.....

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Bon Voyage

I can really tell it took 2.5weeks to refill my ADD meds, I haven't blogged, I start one post and forget to finish and before I know it- we are leaving on vacation.

We have 8 checked bags, stroller, pack n play and I even remembered my bras. Go me! But seriously, I used to LOVE packing for a cruise- the formal dresses, outfit and SHOES and for whatever reason packing made me feel like it was finally cruise time. But throw an 11 month old packing into the mix and holy freaking cow! That kid is now prepared to be Gilligan if need be. Phew.

No bikinis made it into the suitcases this time around- I'd be insane if I had any hope fitting Into those things. And oh god the eye sores if I even tried. I'll stick to the one piece swim dresses and spanx bathing suits. GOD SEND!
Speaking of Spanx, I packed 4-5 pairs. Sad I own that much but damn do I FEEL skinny when I shivy those suckers up. Thank heavens.

So I'm on a blogging vacation for the next week, I have a few posts in mid draft that will just have to wait till I get home.

So close your eyes, imagine sunshine and pretend to feel a sea breeze all while laying out in the middle of the ocean with a hot foreign cabana boy delivering you a PiƱa Colada and seducing you in his sultry accent.....

Off to sail the Eastern Caribbean for the next week- see you on the flip side!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Yabba Dabba DOOOOO! 10.31.11

When we drove through our neighborhood on what happened to be Halloween 2.5 years ago and noticed the numerous decorations, kids flooding the streets and parents outside setting up for the nights festivities- I was sold. THIS is where we had to live.blog5

Never in a million years did I think we would be sitting out on our driveway in that very same neighborhood celebrating Halloween as we did this year. We made it!


2011 marked CC’s 1st Annual Trick or Teat Costume Party with all his friends and it turned out perfect! I wanted to make a tradition among friends and family that OUR home was the place to spend Halloween. pumpkin3

So here are a few things I learned this Halloween:

1. Pumpkin Patches in Florida SUCK. Apparently a tent in a church parking lot is suffice or even a few pallets of Pumpkins in a local park is something to get excited about. WTH Florida?!

pumpkin patch 

2. Granted I was over zealous finding and buying decorations for our new house- I could have saved a crap ton of money had I waited until November 1st. But what fun is that? I don’t want to look like the party pooper on the street, I mean it was Chris and I hanging pumpkin lights with thumb tacks in the palm tree as the clock struck midnight on Halloween Eve.  Procrastinate much?blog4

3. If you are planning a Trick or Treat Party like CC did this year, think ahead and order the pizza very early and make sure they get the order. Unless you want to spend an hour trying to get a hold of Dominos after half your order never processed online. Awesome. We never did get the 2nd half of our order.


4. Gone are the days of poodle skirts, ghosts and Dorothy and in with the 8th graders across the street Trick or Treating in sports bras and glow paint. I kid you not, it was the theme of the night- slutty costumes.

5. Even if your kid is in a stroller- Don’t forget the pumpkin & GET THAT CANDY. I skipped each house since I forgot CC’s pumpkin at home . I kindly declined candy thinking we had enough candy left over to fill me up for the rest of the week. Only to find out we ran out of Candy, all $50 worth and ended up stealing left over candy from the neighbor to finish the night out.


6. Life has changed for us and I love it. 6 years ago Chris was the Jolly Green Giant wearing green tights and a green felt dress, I dressed up as a 50’s girl who’s costume looked the size of a kindergartners and my best friend sported the all black pleather Cat Women costume. And 6 years later we are hanging out in a driveway passing out candy and all have kids to dress up now. How times have changed and I couldn’t be more thankful.


7. The best way to spend Trick or Treat is with your friends- stroller gating in the driveway with juice boxes and cold beer.



8. No matter how obvious your costume may be, some people just don’t have enough brain cells to figure it out. Come on people, Betty Rubble and Bam Bam! Yaaabbba Dabbba Do!