My heart feels ready

I'm starting to feel ready.


Ready to conquer fears and pursue my dreams.


I know it's going to be a process and take a lot of work, but I know I can do it.

My mom always said "Don't tell Ashley she can't do anything because she will prove you wrong"



Granted, no one is telling me I can't do this- it's my broken heart that had held me back.

It's been 2.5 years and my heart is telling me to go forth. This won't be an overnight change, that's for sure but I am ready to put 100% into my dreams. Dreams that got put on hold the night Chris and I watched our Nolan code in front of our very eyes.



I'm ready to start the process of becoming a NICU RT. I've wanted this long before Nolan ever happened, and it was suppose to happen. It's actually what I went into Respiratory for, I have a lot of learning and preparation to do aside from the emotional perspective.

It took me 2 years to even step foot back into the NICU after that night, but when I did- it felt good. A bittersweet feeling I guess you could say.



So in the meantime, I am currently working on a new project involving the NICU and I know it's something I have a calling for and it's something I can do in Nolan's memory. It's also the first of may steps to prepare me to accomplish my dreams. I plan on sharing this all with you when it becomes official, hopefully very soon.



I'm putting myself on a 2 year plan. I have a lot of re-learning to do so I am as close to ready as possible. Working in the world of adults for 5.5 years leaves you pretty rusty on things in teeny tiny land. I'm putting my mind to this. I need this. I can do this.



This is what Nolan would want for me, he gave me a perspective that only a handful have and I want to use that to help others.

Ok, so there it is, no going back- it's blogged. Oh and I can't wait to share this new project so stay tuned!!

Oh Mummy... wrap me up baby!

Burn those inches. I'm going to admit I have taken to the extreme in attempting to lose weight this past week in wedding preparation. Okay not weight, but inches.

ZOMG, I can not believe I am going to blog this. Seriously.

Well lets just get it out there by saying Val's wedding was my goal to have all my weight lost. I lost 23lbs in about 90 days, with the help of a no carb diet. But as the wedding approached, I was to the point that maybe a few more inches wouldn't hurt. Which is why I broke down and purchased the....

Body Wrap GROUPON.

Yup, it was $49 and a guarantee of 6-20 inches lost. SOLD. I hit that purchase button so fast I'm surprised I didn't re-crack my iphone. Oh wait- my iphone was still shattered- I'm sure my purchase didn't help.

Anywho...

So I called Slender Life and made my trusty appointment for a few days pre-wedding. I made a few jokes about this new endevour to the girls at work, especially after I learned they make you dance after being wrapped. Oh good lord.

Well I am here to blog to say it was quite possibly the most RIDICULOUS and humiliating thing I have EVER EVER done. I can't believe I passed up having lunch with family to do this joke.

I find the location which is conveniently located in the old semi ghetto area of our town, I pull up and think to myself... God I better freaking lose 20 inches for dis shiiiit.

I walk in the doors and to my left is a living room, just like any normal living room in any given house. A TV from 1995, a few exercise bands and balls and a large women wrapped in ace bandages with a red super hero cape dancing to Richard Simmons or something of the like. 

Again, WTF did I sign up for?

But I couldn't pull myself away with the 20 inch loss dangling over my head. They have me sign some papers, ask me what areas I would like them to concentrate on. How about my whole damn body- that's what I am here for.

They took me back to a little room where I dressed down to my skivvies while the wrap technician (is that what they would be called) transformed me into a mummy in all of 5 minutes. Then she broke out the plastic bags on my feet rubber banded to my ankles and stylish red crocs were slid on like Cinderellas glass slipper. OH and for some reason, I didn't get the big red cape- I was given a bath robe. But dammit, the red cape would have made this story 100 times better.

And then I had directions. Yes strict instructions to go join the party in the "living room" and the more exercise I did, the more inches I would lose. Alright- I got this.

So here I am, hysterically laughing taking discreet pictures of myself and sending them to Chris swearing to him that this BETTER work for something and in return I get a text back that he was going to pee his pants laughing. Yes, I am sure this is just how he pictured his wife getting skinny...oh so sexy.

So with out further ado, here I am bring sexy back in all it's glory.

45 minutes of Richard Simmons Let's Get Physical dancing I was able to shed the wraps for a total loss of 8 inches. Or something like that. 

Will I ever do it again... HELL NO! But come on, admit it- I'm pretty damn sexy in this get up- huh?

My Best Friends Wedding.

After 558 days of wedding planning..... I mean engagement- My best friend got all dolled up and married her man. Talk about one kick ass wedding. I may or may not have had one too many long island ice teas to celebrate the occasion! I have been tied up in wedding parties, wedding plans, appointments and craft nights that I have neglected my blog this past month but my best friend is 100% worth it.


I'm here, I'm back and have a lot on my mind so be ready. 

But what would a wedding post be with no pictures? I of course had my camera and did what I could on top of being her "Bridesmaid-zilla"

Her boys

Congrats to my bestest friend, you were absolutely stunning and your wedding was absolutely divine!

10.15

3 years ago, October 15th was just another day in the books. No extra thought was put into it, just wake up, live, go to bed.


3 years later, I wake up and think about my Nolan (like every single day) and all the others babies gone too soon, I live my day missing what could have been and I end my day by lighting my candle that is the wave around the world.


Today, I encourage you to reach out to a friend who may have been affected by infant loss or miscarriage and remind them that you think of them and/or their babies often. Most the time, that's all us Mom's want to hear- 

remembrance.

Everything but the snout.

Waltzing in to the room freshly dressed in something other than scrubs or pajamas and sporting my one size too small spanx.

Me: Uggggh I feel like a stuffed sausage in this outfit.

Chris: Well you may feel like a stuffed sausage but you look like a 99% Fat Free Hebrew National Hotdog.

Me: This is why I married you

Gasping for air from the gut laugh.

Dear America's Funniest Video's,

My kid is pretty freaking hilarious. I know I am one of the 3,978,891 Mom's out there thinking THIS is THE video to win $10,000 on one of your weekly shows. But come on, you know you're going to push replay on this video after watching it the first time, it's that addictive. His laugh is absolutely contagious and yes I know deep down in my heart this is a winning video.

Love,

Ashley

My kid eats off the floor, MOY #2

As I sat down on the floor for snack time, I promise you I thought in my head that I wish CC's butt could still fit in a bumbo with a tray. The highchair is in the other room and hand feeding him puffs is just annoying. I popped open the can as CC's eyes lit up and his feet started kicking because omgit'spuffs-feedmemom! 

Apparently, CC hasn't eaten in days and had to have the entire container. So I did what any Mom would do, hand swept what I could back in and let the kid go to town.

 He literally shoveled them into his mouth.

 Off the floor. 

 He was in Heaven, puff Heaven.

 Puffs were stuck in places that I am sure he will find later and eat, usually his little neck roll. 

Ok ok, I'm just kidding. But the kid does store food somewhere and I haven't figured his secret out yet.

And yes, after the puff feast- I was even a cooler Mom and let the dog eat the rest off the floor.

I rock.

10 year reunion

10 years ago, 1 week after I donned the purple gown and walked across the stage to receive my diploma- I moved.

I moved 1,000+ miles away, to a new home my parents built, to a new state, a new everything. And boy was I pissed! My boyfriend, my BFFL’s, my 89 Summerset Buick, my job- you know at the ripe age of 17 everything is “totally forever” and god forbid my parentals try to screw that up.

Granted, here I am 10 years later with the kick ass (Florida Cracker) husband, great career, new home and a chunky baby occupying our time. For the most part, It’s been a good 10 years and needless to say Florida has treated me well. (Nolan & Charlie are not in that equation)

So when asked if we were going to make the trip up to the reunion….. Why the hell not?!

I know it’s all cliché and stuff NOT to go to a 10 year reunion especially with the social networking in our day in age, but I didn’t care. I mean come on, I had to throw back to this sexiness! Vintage Ashley 2001.

Of course I wanted to see the peeps I haven’t seen in over 10 years, granted FB already keeps us connected. I wasn’t popular by any means and I would be lying if I denied being nervous that no one would remember me or visa versa. On the other hand there were a few people that I was never real close to in school, and if you told me I would be excited to see them at the reunion 10 years ago- I would have a confused face. Not because I didn’t like them, I just wasn’t close to them. But those are the people that came out of the woodworks after losing Nolan and really left an impression on my heart. (cue sappiness) Funny how 10 years can change a whole lot.

It was hilariously funny to see the guy the had a crush on me since 2nd grade, I was convinced he would have me on one of those Maury type shows as “Look at me now” and he would be some male dancer grinding on me while I had the look of amazement. Ok ok, I’m getting carried away. I will say, throwing alcohol into the mix kept the party interesting, granted I behaved myself but it sure did make for some great conversation.

We had a blast! Even Chris who wasn’t dying to go like I was even had a great time, evidenced by his duet performance. Ironically, these two husbands were the two who DIDN’T go to Hononegah.

  So Thank You to the Class of 2001 for making our trip worthwhile. God to honest truth, I needed some good ole Midwest, a trip down memory lane, a real Midwest football game (more on that high expectation later) and definitely some Culvers.  Can’t.forget.about.Culvers.

This is not our entire class, we have to be missing 300 that were either too cool to come, too cheap or just plain old couldn’t make it. Although there was a good amount of our group in the bar watching football- like my husband who made his claim to fame in my reunion by shouting “GO GO GO GO… YYYEEEESSSSSS!” (yeeea, he’s with me)

Until next time… 10 more years