Doggie Paddle

After weighing in, a walk to the pool and a good swim with the baby and his little friend Miss O was in store. Ok, so maybe I didn’t swim. But I did squeeze into my trusty make me feel skinny one piece, practically falling out but I saw it as at least I didn’t bust out in my triangle bikini with string sides. I’m pretty sure at this rate the strings wouldn’t have enough slack to tie anyways. HA!

I did spare you the pictures of myself on this fair day, hopefully in the future there will be plenty of pool photos to share. If I could only wear triple strength spanx under my suit, I would be GOLDEN! But for know, “chucky little buddha man of many expressions” will show off his good looks while floating in the pool today.

  As for Nutrisystem, it’s not bad. I actually enjoy it. I am crossing my fingers that come Monday I have lost at least SOMETHING. It will help me with my motivation. Because right now, at 3am in the morning, it’s so easy to cave. I think I stood in front of our pantry trying to talk myself out of the spoonful of peanut butter.

Thank you for all your amazing sweet comments on my last post. When I started writing that, I had no intentions of sharing numbers, pictures and even the whole Nutrisystem as a whole. But it just flowed out onto the keyboard and if anything- it will hold me accountable.

 

Food for thought

A thought.. it's something that has been lurking in my head lately so why not try to type it out...

I AM a MOM. I always feel like I have to remind myself. I have come across so many bloggers that are part of these communities known as Mommy Blogs, where they talk about their experiences and such and such. I really like blogging too and have done the same but I don't fit in. I can't add my site to a Top Mommy blog because quite honestly, I don't write about how I am mothering a child. I have no advice to give, no product reviews to write about and no new pictures to show of little ones. Yet, I can share my battle with grief and tell you how it is to live day by day, hour by hour wishing this pain would go away, learning to live a new normal and try to keep your babies story alive- I'm good at that. One example of this is on thebump.com they have this section for "Real Moms. Real Stories"

Ironic that they add this to the Pregnancy Loss/Miscarriage board- Where's the knife?

 

You think they would ever consider my story, naw probably not. It would scare the living crap out of people- I don't want to do that. I admit, I have a scary story but the part that I gave birth to a 13 ounce miracle who made it 3 days makes it pretty real and makes me a MOM. Right?

  It hit the other night when I went to add my blog to a list and it asked what category my blog is in...

Parenting (life with kids)
Fashion/Beauty
Relationships
Infertility
Politics
ect ect

I DON'T KNOW!
NONE OF THEM!
I don't have a life with kids but yet I am a Mother? Where would I fit in? Parenting (life without kids)?

I feel like I am in a constant battle reminding myself that I am a Mom, a mother to a 13 ounce little boy. The only time I feel like his Mom is when people talk about him or ask about him. It made my night last night when one of the x-ray tech at work looked at his picture on my name badge and asked if he could look at my little boy.
OF COURSE you can, that's right.. he was MY little boy. I had a little son.
Maybe this is all coming to terms that I am just a different kind of Mom. Does that mean when I have a baby in my arms I become the real Mom? or a living Mom? I don't know.. this all probably sounds crazy but it's stuff I think about.

I guess I am just in an identity crisis. I hold no grudge against those in the desired club, many are my friends. But I just so badly want to feel part of them too. I just feel like the kid left out in recess, or the last kid to be picked on a team. Get it?

So in attempts to connect with other Moms and feel like part of the club that is socially acceptable I figured it wouldn't hurt to join this twitter thing. Maybe it will help. (forgive me, I am still learning how to use this darn thing)


I am ashamed to admit, I like Twitter. I PROMISED and swore up and down that I would never get it, but it has slowly grown on me. So since I am always up to follow new people I had to post this when I read it on TaterTwins blog this morning.

Check out the Yo Tweets Twaffic Exchange CARNIVAL-

1. Click on my twitter Icon above. Follow me!
2. Shout me a hello on twitter. @smashrt I follow!! #yotweeps
Then I'll know you followed and I'll reciprocate. SO EASY to do this way! Especially if you use tweetdeck.
3. Do YOU want more tweeps? Blog about it.


4. Also for more tweeps, click on the dude above.