Nolan's Story

He looks so perfect, a perfect little boy. I never ever thought we would be faced with such news. But he has a story that we are in the process of trying to figure out.

Today was our appointment with the Maternal Fetal Specialist due to his size. I can honestly say I went into this appointment with a VERY positive attitude. I thought we would go in, get all the measurements and find out he has IUGR (Intra uterine growth retardation) I was ready for that news, sure our baby was small and he might deliver a few weeks early, but everything would be okay.

The Dr came in and started of by saying we have a very very sick baby on our hands and we have a lot of discussing to do.

The bigger problem is the baby also has a chromosomal defect and has pretty much stopped growing about 3 weeks ago. There is still a heartbeat and everything, so, he's still alive, he looks so perfect...he just isn't growing anymore. At this point, the doctor doesn't know what type of defect he has. She said its either a lethal defect or a good (viable) defect. In which there is still a defect but the baby will hopefully survive to term.

They did an amnio and preliminary results will come back on Monday. These results will show whether the defect is on a "bad gene", meaning the baby won't survive...or that the defect is on a "good gene" and he will suruive...just with many complications. In about 10 days we will have a more definite answer and know what path to start taking.

On top of that, our baby has a very sick heart. He has a mis structured heart. The Dr said the heart defect is not in relation to the size of the baby. Typically babies with a heart defect grow at a normal size until about 3rd trimester. She said something about overlapping aortas and something else, but we were both not in the right state of mind to even remember much of what she said. She also does not know if the heart defect is due to the chromosome or unrealted.

We are in shock, complete shock. It feels so numb. We won't have any defined answers for over a week but in the mean time she told me to take time off with Chris and be together and grieve over the information we recieved.

We have a long long road ahead of us as she explained. A lot of things are going to happen in the next few weeks. We are scared to death. This baby was planned and we will make sure we do everything in our power to fight for him.

I wish I had more answers but I don't. I can't even explain how hard it is to look at a perfectly structured moving baby on the ultrasound machine but then to get hit with this news that he is so sick. We are asking for a lot and a lot of prayers right now.

(I might edit this more later when I have time to think and explain more)

I know I'm not the best catholic out there, but I do hold true to my religion and have to have a lot of faith in it right now.

I just said my first Novena. A Novena is a prayer said for 9 consecutive days to a particular saint asking for an intention. Or intention is to have strength for Chris and I and for our precious little boy to have a healthy outcome.

The power of prayer can be so powerful, my grandma had 7 stillborns, the 5 viable pregnancies she had (my mom and 4 uncles and aunts, were the ones she did Novenas for. I have full faith in God to help us get through this, even though it seems so impossible right now. I prayed for a healthy outcome for our little baby. Im in tears again, I hate this.

Please say prayers for our family, we are so grateful for all the ones being said already. We love you all and I never realized how much support we have out there.