Dear Nolan,

Happy 6 month birthday up there in Heaven. I am sitting here at your grave writing this as I type. I left work and came straight here to see you. Just a short 6 months ago I was crying my eyes out trying to bargain with the Drs to let you stay put in my belly. I knew you weren't ready to come and fought for you to stay. Needless to say, mommy was too sick to fight anymore. I can't believe it's been 6 months since the day I first heard you cry to the first time I met you when they wheeled me into the NICU right after I came out of the OR. I feel like those moments are so foggy compared to what I used to remember. I hate that.

So as I sit here I wonder how big you would be, wonder about the things you would be doing, what outfits you would wear, if you would be sleeping through the night, what size diapers I would be buying, who would be watching you while mommy and daddy work... And this list could go on and on. I am always wondering and dreaming about what it would be like to have you with us still.

I made you new flowers and put them out just now. They ate pretty Christmas-y but it's the only holiday thing I am doing this year, decorating your grave. I gave you a snow man since it's Florida and you will never see snow here. And you have a little Christmas tree, it's the best mommy could do for you.

I miss you with all my heart and you know I think about you constantly. This week is hard for mommy since grandpa is having his big surgery. Daddy & I are going to Cincinnati tomorrow morning to be there for him. Keep a special watch over Grandpa, he loves you more than you can imagine.

Happy birthday angel, your the beat thing that ever happened to your daddy and I and we will always remember our little miracle that entered this world 6 months ago.

Love,
Your Mommy