Sometimes, I have so much going through my head, but I just can't get it into words with out feeling like I am repeating myself for the 10th time. Maybe when I wake up I can verbalize it, but highly unlikely. I think I am getting to the anger part of grieving and it's not pleasant. But then again, there is nothing pleasant about my new life. I just want my Nolan and would do or change anything just to have him back.
Good night.
4 comments:
I have felt like that for months. I feel like my neurons aren't firing or something, because I just can't articulate what I want to say. And... I've been in the anger stage since May- let it out, you'll feel better.
I'm right there with you in the anger stage..I think for the first few months after losing my little girl, I was in shock. I couldn't even remember being pregnant ( although I did remembr some things about it). When I went to clean out her closet, I didn't even recall buying some of the outfits I had for her.
Then came sadness..which still lingers, and I don't think will ever go away. She's got a piece of my heart up there in Heaven with her older sibling I lost the year before her.
Now comes anger. The why me? Why us? Why? Why? Why? And I know good and well I won't get an answer, and I want to tell those people who say " someday your tim will come" to shut up, cause it doesn't make this mama feel any better. The other thing I am angry about is that everyone else's life goes on as if nothing ever happened. They have stopped asking how I am doing, or asking about my little girl at all...that hurts the most.
Hang in there, it's a bumpy ride, but many of us are on the same crappy road you're on..We can get through this!
I think, being so sick, I missed some of the phases. I clearly watched DH go through anger, sadness (and back again!) I was just so physically bad that it was all I could do to comprehend. . .
But I think that anger is the most understandable of all the phases. What has happend to you is cruel and unjust and just plain wrong! It's okay to repeat yourself - we'll still be here to listen! This time, next time, and the time after that. . .
I can understand the anger I feel like god takes away from me the people I love the most the anger does linger and I give up on other people to tell they dont understand until death hits them and then the light bulb comes on.
So I give up on that only 3 people I talk to about my grive in person and that is my Dad, John my husband and Gay my Sis they seem to understand they have all experienced it. John lost his mom at a young age and is dad well 2 yrs ago in January so those understand and well of couse you which I relate to your feelings. Hang in there it will lessen but always be there and you will always miss your Nolan I will always miss My Mike and My Mom forever.
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