Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mission Nursery: Complete

Last year, I was so heartbroken this nursery was never finished the way it was suppose to be. It was painted but never decorated, a crib was never set-up and Nolan never came home to it. Instead the nursery turned into a memory room, a picture in one corner and a memory box in another and the nautical chart that we planned to hang… hung with a gold plate underneath that said “In Memory of”. All that planning for a nautical nursery for our little cruise baby was gone.

This year when I started planning for a new nursery, I knew I wanted to keep the color but knew I couldn’t keep his bedding. I wanted this baby to have his own theme, and thus came the train theme. But I didn’t have the heart to take down the nautical chart, the pictures or the anchor I had hung for Nolan. This room was both my boys, and I wanted it to reflect that. I decided on new bedding and a few new things and it seemed to work out perfect. I think simple is better and I love the way it turned out.








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IMG_0675 But this is the best picture.

Nursery Details

Paint: Ralph Lauren color from Home Depot that they no longer sell

Crib: Babi Italia Standard Crib in white

Bedding: Pottery Barn Kids

Rug: Target

Dresser: Hemmes Dresser from Ikea

Rocking Chair: My Grandma’s Cracker Barrel rocking chair that I refinished in white

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Faa la la la la… La la. la. LA!

“The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.”

                                                                                          -Buddy the Elf

That’s how I felt this year. I wanted to sing Christmas music at the top of my lungs, decorate every inch of my house in lights and garland and loath in Christmas goodness because this year, I am just so damn happy. So thankful and completely over the moon for the best little Christmas gift yet this year, CC. It’s amazing how so much can change in one year. Last year I wanted nothing to do with the holiday season, I went to church to celebrate Jesus, but that was it. No tree, no decorations, no nothing. And I was kind of ready to do the same given the type of year we have had, but that 5lb 7oz baby boy changed that all, he brought back hope into our life and gave us one HUGE reason to celebrate this year. God I love him so unconditionally.Christmas 272

Christmas 274  I seriously can’t stop kissing him

I am just so thankful he’s here, he’s healthy and we got to end 2010 with something to smile about. There is no question about it, Christmas was the closest thing to perfection this year. I always hope the holidays are gentle on those who are missing loved ones and this year there is no question that my family needed that. Although, our little Christopher brought us so much needed cheer this year. We needed this little guy, he has brought smiles to our faces and happiness to the infinite power. I can’t even begin to tell you how complete I feel right now.

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 Christmas 260

We spent Christmas Day at my parents this year, we had a low key Christmas given it was my Mom & Dad’s first without my brother and my Grandpa. We didn’t have a tree decorated there or lots of presents. We pretty much spent the day passing the baby around and taking pictures, laughing at his ridiculous expressions and marveling at our little miracle. Sometimes simple is better and this year it was needed for my family. We really just spent the holiday celebrating the true meaning and it felt so good to be together as a family, no present can top that.

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Christmas 189 

Christmas 178  Christmas 196

And at the end of the night, it felt so good to be able to put CC in his PJ’s, pack up the car, load the baby in and wave goodbye as a family. THIS is what I have been dying to experience the past 18 months, I have craved this feeling and it feels amazing to feel as close to complete as we can while we still miss Nolan.

mom This was all the stuff I found AFTER we thought we packed everything. Surprisingly we remembered the baby. LOL

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

My little Christmas Gangsta Elf-Baby wanted to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas!

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Many blessings to all my family and friends and may the holidays be gentle on your hearts as we all think about the loved ones we wish so badly were here with us.

Baby Jesus

That’s our son, playing Baby Jesus! He did awesome, slept the entire time and barely moved. I am hoping that MAYBE he’s a natural at this acting stuff and hopefully he can make some big $$ some day. HA! We can only hope. I am convinced I would be his date to all the red carpet premieres.

So back to Baby Jesus, Mass was such a beautiful service, the music, the message and I was so proud that our little one was the little Baby Jesus that was not only in the manger, but blessed in front of the whole Mass by Father Bob. I cringed later on in the service when all the expecting Mothers went up to be blessed, we all know what happened last time I went to be blessed…. 6 hours later CC decided to make an early appearance. Wait! Did I even tell that story?!

Yup December 4th I went to Saturday night Mass with my Mom and Dad. When we walked in we saw Father Bob who was so happy to see I was still pregnant. I did mention it would be my last mass since I only had 6 more days left. He told me I must come up for the Children's blessing at the end of mass.

So when it was time, I waddled my way up there with all the kids and one other expecting mother. When I went up there, Father Bob announced to the mass that I only had 6 more days until this little miracle baby was to be born, everyone clapped and he went on with his blessing. He prayed for the Dr’s, the nurses, the OR team, me, Chris and of course the baby. I walked back to the pew afterwards, and my gosh darn Dad was in tears. I guess it was one of those moments.

Any who, that  6 days, turned into 6 hours because a few hours later… I started contractions in the middle of Target. SO…. Father Bob has some powerful blessings I must say!

So needless to say, I said a small little prayer for all the expecting to wait a little longer after his blessings last night.


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Tuesday, December 21, 2010


The winner of the 25 Days of Christmas was Michelle from…

The Journey of the Karr's... Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

 Email me your info so I can get this little gem to you before the end of the year!


Monday, December 20, 2010

25 Days of Christmas Giveaway!

Welcome to The 25 Days of Christmas! 

Day 20!!! It’s finally my turn!

I am so excited to be part of the giveaway this year. Tina started this giveaway last year in honor of her sweet baby girls to help families that are grieving a loss through the holidays have a little cheer. I remember last year when I stumbled across the giveaway and it was one of the only things that I looked forward to.

Today I am giving away one of my favorite ornaments that I received last year for Christmas. I was pretty heartbroken about finding the perfect ornament for Nolan given it was his 1st Christmas. But all the ornaments in the store didn’t fit for obvious reasons. Then this little gem arrived in the mail and it was perfect, and it was even engraved with his name and dates on the back. I get a lot of compliments on it and I would love for another family to have it hang on their tree.


The ornament will be engraved with your angels name and date on the back. To enter the giveaway just comment and tell me something about yourself. This giveaway is open to all Baby Loss Families and a winner will be randomly picked tomorrow.

Best of Luck!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dream Baby

I have to brag, we have a dream baby. I am sure it will be short lived before he starts causing trouble, so we are just waiting for it. He sleeps, sleeps and sleeps some more and barely ever cries. He’s just one happy and content baby, I even have to wake him up through out the night in order to get a feeding. I guess this explains why he was always so lazy on NST and got his mom a few nights at the hospital. He definitely takes after Chris’ laid back personality.

We can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks already and he’s already getting bigger! The other night I was looking through the pictures that were posted on friend’s facebooks after he was born and he already looks like a completely different baby. He was born weighing 5lb 7oz, left the hospital 4lb 15oz and 11 days later was up to 5lb 11oz at the pediatrician, our kid is already an over achiever. But he looks so tiny from his hospital pictures, sniff sniff, he’s growing too fast.

I wish I could put into words how good it feels to be a Mom to a baby at home, I’d like to say it feels the same but it’s so different on so many levels. I’m overtired and exhausted, but I am thankful. I miss sleeping through the night, but I love the cries he gives to wake me up to remind me he’s hungry. I hate laundry but I think I have done 34,687 loads of baby laundry and love folding it. I have been peed on and pooped on more times than I can count on my two hands and it doesn’t phase me. Everything he does and every little milestone he makes does remind me of Nolan and it’s such a bittersweet feeling. I just  wonder what Nolan would have looked like and what kind of baby he would have been. I just miss him, a lot. But he sure did send us one amazing little brother. Life feels complete for the first time in years and I am loving every single second of it.

2 weeks old



2 weeks old and…

We are STILL in preemie diapers

Yet we are slowly shifting into Newborn sized clothing

He has grown an inch and over 11 oz (prob more now) since coming home from the hospital

He is more alert and recognizes Chris & I’s voice

Took his first bath, first walk and first shopping trip and even stopped at Starbucks for his first red cup.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

2 years

2 years ago I exchanged vows somewhere in the middle of the ocean upon a cruise ship with 40 friends and family witnessing. What I didn’t realize then is how important those vows “” have already come to play in our short 2 year marriage. I can honestly say the past 2 years have been nothing but easy on our marriage but everything we have gone through has brought us closer, given us a closer bond and gives proof that our marriage can make it through pretty much anything. Chris said it best today,

“Hard to believe its only been two years since we got married! We've gone through a lifetime of heartache and joy in such a quick period of time.”


I couldn’t have said it better myself. We have experienced so much joy in the past week and it really is the best way to celebrate this 2 year anniversary. I couldn’t be any more thankful, I am just overjoyed that we got to feel what this happiness feels like, and it’s pretty much amazing.

I look forward to the many many many more anniversaries to come, we can only have good things in our future from here on out.

::Raises wine glass:: Here’s to an amazing year ahead of us babe, I couldn’t have done these past 2 years without you. Your my rock, my shoulder to cry on and my fix all and I love you more than I could ever put into words. The past 9 days have really given me a glimpse on how our life should be, and I can’t wait to see it all play out. I love you!


Saturday, December 11, 2010

1 week

Where has the past week gone? It seemed like it came and gone at the speed of light. Seriously though, what a week it’s been!

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We are head over heals for Christopher, every single day brings a new challenge, a different routine and belly laughs. Chris and I just look at each other in the mist of a messy diaper change (sexy huh) and say this is the life. Really. It is. I may be unshowered, hair a mess, barely brush my teeth and still in my pajamas, but this little 5lb little guy is 1,000,000% worth it. Chris and I have laughed more at each other in the past 7 days than we have in 8 years. Speaking of Chris, he’s a pro at this Dad stuff. I love watching him with Christopher, it melts my heart when he has him. I just wish I could have seen more of this side with Nolan, he is such a good Dad. I can’t stop talking pictures of those 2.


For not reading any expecting books, and going crazy researching newborns, I think we have done a pretty good job.

Christopher came home on a Billi Blanket for his jaundice, he’s been on it every day since we have come home and daily morning blood draws. Usually newborns would have stayed at the hospital, but my ped agreed to let us attempt to fight it at home. So far, so good. Today it finally started to drop, so tonight is his first free night off the lights, no Glo-worm tonight. I can’t wait to be able to pick him up with out unhooking him, turning the power off, tripping over the unit to make it to the nursery to change him. I assume he will be much more comfortable too.

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1 week old and..

We are still in preemie diapers

Swimming in newborn clothes and fits perfectly into preemies

He weighed 5lbs 2oz on Thursday and that’s up 2 ounces from his weight lost since birth

Can roll to one side or the other, and has to be swaddled at night in order to sleep and keep him on his back

Still thinks he’s in utero with the way he lays, ALWAYS curled up in fetal position with legs in air crossed.

LOVES sleep but also has his days & nights flipped…night shift baby

And went for his first walk around the neighborhood tonight

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He’s perfect. I know everyone says that about their own child but I have never felt more complete in our new normal as I have this week. It’s been a long 18 months since our nightmare started, I think this week changed the path.

Thank you for all your emails, messages, comments and well wishes. I have every intention of sitting down and responding, but that’s all up to the lil guy. But, again… Thank you!