Today something remarkable happened, something that left my jaw on the floor, tears welling up in the corners of my eyes and left me absolutely speechless. But it’s also one of those things that I can never duplicate in words printed in black and white. It’s something that I couldn’t even text, talk on the phone, blog or email. It’s near impossible with out making me sound like I have lost my marbles.
No matter what my beliefs are or where my faith is based, today confirmed we get signs. Sometimes it comes in the form of a yellow butterfly or a rainbow and a lot of the times it’s a song. I have heard of those dreams where a passed loved one “visits” and regardless of beliefs or if it’s real, the comfort it brings is sometimes immeasurable. Since they day Nolan left us, I begged and pleaded with God to give me a dream, confirm my faith that he is okay. I’ll be the first to admit that I strongly questioned my faith in those weeks and months following Nolan. I wanted to know he made it to Heaven, he was being taken care of and I felt a dream would confirm that. But I never did have a dream. To this day I wonder if he’s growing like a weed in Heaven or if he’s still a 13 ounce little miracle being taken care of by the best respiratory therapist a Mom can ask for her baby.
Today, that confirmation came in the form of a 5 year old.
There is no doubt that my brother has been on my mind lately. I mean I am now working at the same hospital that he did. I clock in at the same time clock that he never clocked in at on that rainy July 13th afternoon. The same hospital that he made a name for himself in such little time and a lasting impression on those he came in contact with.I am proud to be introduced as Charlie’s sister. But when I walk those hallways that he once did, I often think about how he walked these same steps, rode the same elevators and worked the same ICU’s. I try to picture him there, but it’s hard. I never once stepped foot in this hospital while my brother was working there so I have no visual memories.
He wanted me to work with him so badly, begged me to transfer in those months after Nolan. He promised me a better “home” and he was very persistent and now in this moment I regret never listening to him. And in a way, losing my position while on leave at my old place and forcing me to transfer to a new campus makes me wonder if Charlie had anything to do with it. He was a determined kid, there is no doubt about that.
In short, today I got a sign that Charlie is with me at work. He is walking those hallways with me. I know, I know…. call me crazy. But if I could accurately put the details in black and white, I would. But I just can’t because it’s too powerful (and no I did not witness a spirit or ghost).
It was a five year old. A five year old I never met, her Mom does not know me nor read my blog. She was a very good friend of Charlie’s and her little girls LOVED Charlie. I briefly remember Charlie talking about Natalie. Today this 5 year old had a special moment and her Mom wrote Kelli (my adopted sister in law) about it. She knew nothing of me and at the time knew nothing of what her daughter was saying but she wrote the stuff down and when she shared it with us, our jaws dropped to the floor.
I know he has Nolan, he is there to take care of my son. He watches over us and hears us. I’m taking comfort in what happened today, it’s reassurance in what we have put our heart and soul into with our faith the past 2 years.
Believe what you may, but I am considering it a sign. A sign I have been praying for, a sign that I will take comfort in.
In Mary Beth Chapman's book “Choosing to See”, she said she prayed every single day for a sign, a dream, just something to confirm her little girl was safe in heaven. That sign finally came from a dream her best friend had and shared with her. She believes it had to happen this way because her daughter didn’t think her she herself could handle such a dream so soon.
And today, I wonder if this was the case for me. But whatever the case, we had a sign today and it was too too real for it to be a joke.
It was Charlie and he’s trying to let us know he’s ok, Nolan’s happy and Heaven is beautiful. Thank You brother.