- 18 weeks- half way
- 24 weeks- viability. Dr F said we're already ahead of the game if we get this far since this baby will be bigger than our little guy
- 26 weeks- when Nolan was born
- 32 weeks- our 'safe' goal we were given last pregnancy with Nolan. I remember Dr F saying "If we can just get you to 32 weeks"
- 36 weeks- Ultimate goal & c-section (I can't go much past 36 weeks due to type of c-section I had)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
at 11:26 PM
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
at 10:05 PM
Monday, July 26, 2010
at 8:41 AM
Saturday, July 24, 2010
at 8:56 AM
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I am so excited to share we found out this morning that Nolan is going to have a baby BROTHER!
My gem of a ultrasound tech spent a lot of time with us as usual and got a ton more pictures to add to our growing pile. I need a photo album for our bi-weekly ultrasounds, I'm running out of room on our fridge.We agreed I could be an u/s sonographer by the end of this pregnancy, I'm getting good at pointing stuff out. I honestly LOVE going to my Dr's office because everyone treats this baby with as much love as we already have for it. It just makes me smile.
So today I did something I told myself I wouldn't do this pregnancy. I bought something for the baby. I just couldn't help it. I had fallen in love with this diaper bag at the Coach Outlet just weeks after finding out we were pregnant. I lusted over it because it's my favorite blue and it's simple. I talked myself out of it because... well many reasons. Expensive for a freaking diaper bag, what if it's a girl, what if this baby starts measuring small... what if, what if, what if. We walked into Coach Outlet today and low and behold the bag that wasn't there just a few weeks after I saw it the first time, was hiding in the clearance section behind 3 other bags. I couldn't help myself, it's perfect even though it's more than I would want to spend.
Come on, I got a $400 diaper bag for.... freaking $100! I'm in love and I am so proud of myself for allowing myself to buy something... "baby"
at 12:16 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Jan. 18th 1988- July 13th 2010
Visitation and Funeral/Mass Arrangements
Sunday, July 18th
1600 Colonial Blvd
Fort Myers, Fl 33907
Mass & Funeral & Burial will take place
Tuesday morning, July 20th
BLESSED POPE JOHN XXIII CATHOLIC CHURCH
13060 Palomino Lane
Ft Myers, Fl 33912
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Edison State College in memory of Charles P. Mottram c/o Edison State Foundation, P.O Box 60210, Fort Myers, Fl 33906-6210
Checks made payable to
Edison State College Foundation
Note "Charles P. Mottram Scholarship" on the check
If there was one thing Charlie was passionate about, it was the desire to learn, the quest for education and his love for respiratory therapy. We want a future student in the Respiratory Care program to be able to have that chance that Charlie was so passionate about for many years to come.
at 12:50 PM
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
at 9:35 PM
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
at 9:39 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I am not sure how I have not come across this sooner. Thank you to Angie who sent it my way. It was THAT good I just HAD to share it. It explains how I have felt about certain relationships in the past year.
(Link found here)
Weeding Your Garden
Written by Kristi Sagrillo
Dealing with the reality of changing relationships after your child dies.
A wise gardener once told me that if you want a beautiful garden to grow you must weed it from time to time. Weeding for any gardener, whether it’s a small flower pot on the front porch or a gorgeous flower garden in the backyard is an assumed task and occasionally just has to be done. However, if you neglect to prune the weeds they will eventually begin to overcrowd or, worse yet, become invasive and try and take over your entire garden.
After the death of my son, I began to apply this same logic to my own life.
On November 7, 2005 my son Alex was stillborn; I was 37 weeks pregnant with him. He was perfect and healthy, except for the twisted umbilical cord that cut off his oxygen supply. Alex was a beautiful 8 pound 21 inch baby boy. Up until this point in time, my “life garden”, as I will affectionately refer to it, was perfect. Or, so it seemed. But on that date, and from that time forward, everything was different. My life garden had been devastated. There were no more blooming flowers; they had all been drowned by the tears that showered down upon them. Those first few weeks after Alex’s death were very surreal. Nothing mattered any longer. Life had continued to go on around me and I felt like I was helplessly watching a horrible movie unfold before my eyes and I couldn’t find the door to escape.
Soon the weeks turned into months and I had noticed that my life garden had a small number of flowers that had weathered the storm. Of course, the black cloud was ever-present and it still rained sporadically, but it was not raining quite as hard or as long as it did those first few months. My husband and living children were still there, they had always been there I just couldn’t see them until the rain had subsided. And new flowers began to sprout up - flowers that I had never planted or maybe never noticed before. These new friends and past acquaintances were now offering me their genuine love and support and would become the flower border surrounding my life garden. The support they gave me and continue to give me is cherished, now and forever.
As my garden began to slowly grow back, so did the weeds. At first I didn’t have the energy or the strength to pick them so I just ignored them. But eventually they were beginning to suck the life right out of me. I was struggling with how to cope after the death of my son as well as what it meant to me and how his death would define me forever. There were family members and numerous friends (too many to count) that could not or would not grant me the space or the respect to figure this out. I did not understand why they could not offer me their support, after all they were there for me in the past, right? They had been there before when I needed them, what was so different this time?
It was the death of my child that was different. I had changed overnight but they had not. I was not that same person any longer and they wanted the “old” me back. They wanted everything to go back to “normal”. But this was the new me and my life had taken a different path and this was a journey they did not want to take with me. My grief had suddenly shifted from grief for my son to anger towards them and I was going down a very dangerous road. I had veered off my path of grief and was headed down the winding road of hate and rage. My world was spinning out of control and I needed to reclaim it. I realized that my focus needed to be on my son if I was going to move through this grief process in a healthy way. It would have been very easy to shut out everyone. But what I needed to do was to remove any outside forces that were preventing me from my journey.
So began the weeding process. There were the co-workers who would avoid me if they saw me coming their way as if they could “catch” my bad luck like the common cold. On the outside they looked like flowers, but it quickly became apparent that they were indeed weeds. They would be easily plucked from my garden because their roots did not go very deep. It was the weeds that I had ignored for too long that took more energy to pull. Their roots were deep and in some cases were connected to other noxious weeds. Pulling one meant pulling two or more along with it. Those were the seemingly close friends that never called, never offered their support; it was like they disappeared from our life after the memorial service.
But it was the family members that hurt the most. The ones you would expect to be there for you. The verbal attacks and insensitive comments like, “When are you going to move on?”, “Shouldn’t she be over this, it’s been 3 months?”, “She should be grateful she has two living children” (Like one can be swapped out for another!) The last straw for me was when family members questioned my parenting abilities towards my two living children, this only 4 months after Alex’s death. Evidently, I had allowed my children to make faces at the adults and this caused them great pain and disrespect towards them. Hmm…sounds like a great reason to attack my parenting skills.
Initially, the shock of finally removing them from my life stung, but if my garden was going to continue to grow it simply had to be done. I gave myself permission to do this and coupled with that permission was the power I needed to gain control over my life once again.
I continue to weed my garden but it isn’t needed as frequently anymore. I am stronger now and more attentive and am able to pluck any weeds before they even have a chance to touch the soil. I am planting new flowers everyday and watering the ones I have. Every now and again the thunderstorms roll in but I have realized that my garden needs the rain and the sun in order to continue flourishing.
at 12:26 AM
Friday, July 9, 2010
Your baby was in the NICU for observation and sure I bet it sucks not having your baby in the room with you and that it is a HUGE pain in the butt to have to nurse in the NICU. But step back, stop your whining and remember your baby is here, HEALTHY and your baby is going HOME with you in a few short days.
I would have done ANYTHING to have 3 simple days in the NICU with a guarantee to bring Nolan home. The petty whining about latching and being inconvenienced with the nurses because you cant do what you want and couldn't go home 'on time' was **a VIRTUAL SLAP to all those who have been through those doors. Many of us are indeed grateful for medical staff that do their best to give those babies a fighting chance**
**Disclaimer: I struggled with writing this but decided to since it bothered me all week. I think every and all NICU experiences no matter how severe or minor can be a scary situation, hands down. But I have never thought a Mother would 'shake her fist' at the NICU and point out every minor inconvenience. That's what felt like a slap in the face.
at 9:02 PM
Monday, July 5, 2010
at 8:15 PM
Thursday, July 1, 2010
at 8:02 PM