Charlie

Today something remarkable happened, something that left my jaw on the floor, tears welling up in the corners of my eyes and left me absolutely speechless. But it’s also one of those things that I can never duplicate in words printed in black and white. It’s something that I couldn’t even text, talk on the phone, blog or email. It’s near impossible with out making me sound like I have lost my marbles.

No matter what my beliefs are or where my faith is based, today confirmed we get signs. Sometimes it comes in the form of a yellow butterfly or a rainbow and a lot of the times it’s a song. I have heard of those dreams where a passed loved one “visits” and regardless of beliefs or if it’s real, the comfort it brings is sometimes immeasurable. Since they day Nolan left us, I begged and pleaded with God to give me a dream, confirm my faith that he is okay. I’ll be the first to admit that I strongly questioned my faith in those weeks and months following Nolan. I wanted to know he made it to Heaven, he was being taken care of and I felt a dream would confirm that. But I never did have a dream. To this day I wonder if he’s growing like a weed in Heaven or if he’s still a 13 ounce little miracle being taken care of by the best respiratory therapist a Mom can ask for her baby.

Today, that confirmation came in the form of a 5 year old.

There is no doubt that my brother has been on my mind lately. I mean I am now working at the same hospital that he did. I clock in at the same time clock that he never clocked in at on that rainy July 13th afternoon. The same hospital that he made a name for himself in such little time and a lasting impression on those he came in contact with.I am proud to be introduced as Charlie’s sister. But when I walk those hallways that he once did, I often think about how he walked these same steps, rode the same elevators and worked the same ICU’s. I try to picture him there, but it’s hard. I never once stepped foot in this hospital while my brother was working there so I have no visual memories.

He wanted me to work with him so badly, begged me to transfer in those months after Nolan. He promised me a better “home” and he was very persistent and now in this moment I regret never listening to him. And in a way, losing my position while on leave at my old place and forcing me to transfer to a new campus makes me wonder if Charlie had anything to do with it. He was a determined kid, there is no doubt about that.

In short, today I got a sign that Charlie is with me at work. He is walking those hallways with me. I know, I know…. call me crazy. But if I could accurately put the details in black and white, I would. But I just can’t because it’s too powerful (and no I did not witness a spirit or ghost).

It was a five year old. A five year old I never met, her Mom does not know me nor read my blog. She was a very good friend of Charlie’s and her little girls LOVED Charlie. I briefly remember Charlie talking about Natalie. Today this 5 year old had a special moment and her Mom wrote Kelli (my adopted sister in law) about it. She knew nothing of me and at the time knew nothing of what her daughter was saying but she wrote the stuff down and when she shared it with us, our jaws dropped to the floor.

I know he has Nolan, he is there to take care of my son. He watches over us and hears us. I’m taking comfort in what happened today, it’s reassurance in what we have put our heart and soul into with our faith the past 2 years.

Believe what you may, but I am considering it a sign. A sign I have been praying for, a sign that I will take comfort in.

In Mary Beth Chapman's book “Choosing to See”, she said she prayed every single day for a sign, a dream, just something to confirm her little girl was safe in heaven. That sign finally came from a dream her best friend had and shared with her. She believes it had to happen this way because her daughter didn’t think her she herself could handle such a dream so soon.

And today, I wonder if this was the case for me. But whatever the case, we had a sign today and it was too too real for it to be a joke.

It was Charlie and he’s trying to let us know he’s ok, Nolan’s happy and Heaven is beautiful. Thank You brother.

Ghetto Veggies

Me: Ummm, did you forget the Ziploc Steamer Bags?

Chris: Shit!

Me: Well I have no clue how to cook asparagus any other way and Chicken is done in 6 minutes, dammit (I swear I am “kitchen dumb”)

Chris: Ha, use the kids bottle cleaner

Me: Holy crap! GENIOUS! It steams bottles, right- so why not freaking asparagus?

So folks, don’t question where I cooked your veggies when you come for dinner because the Avent Microwave Bottle Steamer is my new best friend.

Don’t judge.

French’s Crack Chicken

Ingredients:

2 cups (4 oz.) FRENCH'S® Original or Cheddar French Fried Onions

2 tbsp. all-purpose flour

4 (5 oz.) boneless skinless chicken breasts

1 egg, beaten

Directions:

Place French Fried Onions and flour into plastic bag. Lightly crush with hands or with rolling pin. Transfer to pie plate or waxed paper.

Dip chicken into egg; then coat with onion crumbs, pressing firmly to adhere. Place chicken on baking sheet.

Bake at 400°F for 20 min. or until no longer pink in center.

Stream of consciousness

It's been over a week since I have sat down to finish my half started blog posts. It was my first full week back to work and it's been quite an adjustment to find our new routine and schedule. There isn't too many complaints, it's all been going pretty good. I love my new job, it's amazing how much happier I am compared to the past few years. They made the transition very easy for me and I am so honored to be "Charlie's sister" since this is the same hospital he worked at. It's going to take time to feel that comfort level at work with Dr's and nurses but I am going to have so many new opportunities here. Funny thing, after coming home from work the other day, this was my fortune cookie. Talk about perfection.

CC is growing like a weed, his thighs have multiplied in rolls and his cheeks looks like he is storing food. He has the best "m"anny, his Gpa. He takes such good care of him while we are at work and it's reassuring that I don't have to worry about him. He's starting to sleep more than 5 hours at night, loves his SwaddleMe and is on full formula now. He smiles, he laughs and he loves to cuddle. I can't believe he is already 10 weeks old and even weighs 11.14oz!

I'm still working out, I think I have been on the 2nd week of Couch 2 5K for 2 weeks now, but at least I am getting out and making an attempt to get in shape. Piper's 5k is just 2 weeks away and I still have plans on trying to run it. OK ok, more like run walk run walk, but at least I am trying.

We are putting new offers in on some new houses while we have been waiting for the short sale to go through. I pretty convinced it will never happen, it's been since September we have been dealing with it. Last week we fell in love with a new house, made a full price offer and lost it to a cash buyer. Figures. But, then a day later we came across a new house, same neighborhood, identical floor plan and made an offer. We already had a counter offer and we countered back. Unfortuntly we will have to wait until Tuesday to find out if they will accept our new offer. We are crossing our fingers, saying our prayers and hoping this will be our new home.

I have about 3 blog posts to finish and post. I tend to write a lot of things down in my phone and never finish them. I have CC's 2 month pictures to post, a Valentines Day post and a post in the making about my experience I had the other day. But writing that one has been a challenge with keeping HIPPA laws in mind.

Back to work with extra baggage

I put on my big girl panties, slipped on my new shoes and I wish I could finish this sentence with "put on my scrubs" and went back to work today. Well, yes... I did go back to work. But being the procrastinator I am, I waited until 11pm to unpack all my scrubs. All 1,456 pairs and not one pair, not a single one fit. Even those "fat pants" that should fit wouldn't even go over my thighs. ::insert profanity here::

Then this morning I had my last appointment with my OB and when I saw the number on the scale it hit home that I need to step it up in the workout department and stop stuffing my face with sugar. I even had to invest in new scrubs today before going to work, I needed something... Anything.

I'm trying, I really am. I was pretty discouraged when I saw that number considering it hasn't budged in 4 weeks despite my workouts and semi-healthier eating. But I am convinced going back to work, getting back in a routine and eating even healthier, I'll hopefully fit back into my scrubs sometime in the next year.

So work went great, it's nice, refreshing and I am really excited about my new place. CC spent the day with Daddy and I couldn't help but beg for pictures of him all day. And when I walked in the door, saw those big blue eyes stare back at me and the tears stopped the second I picked him up, I am reminded that every single pound I gained and every single pound I still have and every stretch mark was 110% worth it. I don't care if my scrubs are 2 sizes bigger for a few months or if the numbers on the scale are the higher that I have ever seen them. All that matters is I have CC, he's healthy and he came home. I have all the time in the world to lose my 4 extra love handles and fit back into a bra they actually sell at Vicki's.

I can do it, it just won't happen over night. And I realize tonight, that's okay.

True love at first sight

Well not really considering “Ellie” is still cooking in the womb. But what our children don’t know is their very clever mothers have already arranged their marriage. It’s bound to be true love and they will be the cutest couple ever! Only 7 more weeks until “Ellie” makes her big appearance. Until then, their date nights are spent like this.

CC- this is the closest you will get to laying on Ellie for a LONG LONG time. You hear me son!?

Ladybugs and Godmothers

CC is a pretty lucky little guy, he has Ashley as his Godmother. Ashley and I met long time ago on a cruise. We happened to sit next to each other at dinner, overheard their discussion about our hometown and ironically found out they lived in the same town. From that cruise on, we have had lifetime friends.

There was no question in mind when I thought about choosing CC's Godmother. Ashley was perfect, she has been the most supportive, understanding and SUPER helpful friend in the past 2 years when it came to my pregnancies. Oh, did I mention... she just also happens to be an OB nurse. BIG PLUS. She eased so many of my anxieties, and trust me... she listened to A LOT!

Anyways, from day one she promised to deliver CC. She missed Nolan's delivery since he was emergent and Ashley was out of town. This pregnancy, My OB and I both told her she isn't going ANYWHERE.

So at 10pm Dec 4th when I thought my water broke, she was the first person I called. Not Chris, not my OB... Ashley. Because I knew she would know. 2 hours later she drove back to work so she could catch CC from Dr Fish and be his OB nurse. God I love her.

This is hands down one of my FAVORITE pictures. You can see her smile through that mask, I just LOVE IT!

In August we found out that Ashley was pregnant. Talk about excitement, plans for a future football team started. (Ashley is the BIGGEST football fan I know) Come a few months later, we find out Ashley is having a girl and CC is going to have a God Sister!
Who he had one of his first pictures taken with... Little Miss "Bebe"And today, it was finally Ashley's turn to have her shower. It was perfect, girly and full of pinks and reds and Ashley is just glowing. I can't wait until the end of March to meet this little beauty.

Beautiful mama!

These girls (Ashley's best friends and now my friends) are the best OB nurses a girl could ask for. I swear I picked these girls brains throughout my pregnancies. And each one came to my rescue this pregnancy in some shape or form.

Ashley showing off her Godson

Getting a little practice before Little Bianca arrives and gives her parents a run for their money.

Love you Ashley, I can't think of a better person to be CC's Godmother. I'm a pretty lucky girl to have a friend like you! I'm so glad CC & I were able to be part of your big day, your next girl!

My poor kid has a booger picker for a Mom

I'm dead serious, it's what I do for a living. So it doesn't surprise me that I'm chasing boogers on poor CC. I'm the girl who got the battery power aspirator at my baby shower, so along with the blue bulb suction & some saline this kid should be good to go on most days.

Although this past week nothing seemed to cure his rattle and it was driving me insane. On Tuesday night it got to the point he started retracting and had some wheezing so I started to worry. I'm not sure if it was the over-anxious , over protective, I am terrified of something ripping CC out of my hands type worry. OR was it just the educated respiratory therapist in me kicking in, who knows.

Either way, we woke up to this sick little guy on Wednesday morning.

Since his symptoms were looking like RSV I made a call to his ped who had me bring him right in. I would rather be safe than sorry especially knowing first hand how serious RSV can be. Let me tell you... that trip was NO FUN. We had to go to the office in the next town over which is a completely different area. In the 15 minutes we were in the waiting room I am convinced we saw a drug deal, a fully dressed cowboy leave to wrangle his whatever he wrangles and was contemplating if the scary hairy man sitting in the corner was in the wrong waiting room. No lie. This was better people watching than Walmart and CC seemed entertained by the madness too.

Any who, mind off track again.

CC had his pulse ox taken, temp was normal, flu test was negative and his Dr agreed that it was a good idea I brought him in. She decided it was a upper respiratory bug and it will run it's course. She did send the RSV out STAT which we found out was NEGATIVE... THANK GOD

I'm just trying to find that happy medium of being over-anxious & over educated of the worst case scenario. I'm just glad I brought him in and everything was "okay". Oh and did I mention...

He weighs 11lbs even now! He has doubled his birth weight in just 2 short months! AHHHHH!!!! He's a little fatty!

“Knot” snowing here

So as my hometown and all my Northern friends were snowed in and posting pictures of 6ft snow drifts at their front door…..

We were out on a boat, taking pictures and posting them in hopes of keeping our cold friends warm. Ok ok, so we rubbed it in a little that it was 80 degrees, sunny and we were in bathing suits and applying sunscreen. But that’s the beauty of living in Florida.

We had to start early and get this boy out on the water since I predict we will take him on many of boats in his lifetime. There is something about being on a boat, any size that makes me totally relaxed. Today we lathered CC up in Water Babies Sun Block, threw on his oversized hat & sunglasses and he loved it, how do I know this…. he told me. Yup. He’s already addicted to boats and I love it. I am just getting him ready for his first cruise. HURRY UP NOVEMBER!!!!