Thursday, February 10, 2011

Back to work with extra baggage

I put on my big girl panties, slipped on my new shoes and I wish I could finish this sentence with "put on my scrubs" and went back to work today. Well, yes... I did go back to work. But being the procrastinator I am, I waited until 11pm to unpack all my scrubs. All 1,456 pairs and not one pair, not a single one fit. Even those "fat pants" that should fit wouldn't even go over my thighs. ::insert profanity here::

Then this morning I had my last appointment with my OB and when I saw the number on the scale it hit home that I need to step it up in the workout department and stop stuffing my face with sugar. I even had to invest in new scrubs today before going to work, I needed something... Anything.

I'm trying, I really am. I was pretty discouraged when I saw that number considering it hasn't budged in 4 weeks despite my workouts and semi-healthier eating. But I am convinced going back to work, getting back in a routine and eating even healthier, I'll hopefully fit back into my scrubs sometime in the next year.

So work went great, it's nice, refreshing and I am really excited about my new place. CC spent the day with Daddy and I couldn't help but beg for pictures of him all day. And when I walked in the door, saw those big blue eyes stare back at me and the tears stopped the second I picked him up, I am reminded that every single pound I gained and every single pound I still have and every stretch mark was 110% worth it. I don't care if my scrubs are 2 sizes bigger for a few months or if the numbers on the scale are the higher that I have ever seen them. All that matters is I have CC, he's healthy and he came home. I have all the time in the world to lose my 4 extra love handles and fit back into a bra they actually sell at Vicki's.

I can do it, it just won't happen over night. And I realize tonight, that's okay.

9 comments:

Jill said...

Awe, beautiful Ashley! I was waiting for a new post! :) You are doing fab! And you honestly look great, I can tell difference even tho you say the "number" hasnt budged. In your pictures you look beautiful! And you will get to where you want soon enough, just like everything in life, it will come soon enough! I gotta get motifated too, I just don;t know where to start! With these last couple lbs, I have to WORKOUT, not actually think lignering around all day is going to get me anywhere. You are doing fab! Go mama! And yes, CC is worth it all, just like I always tell my friends, Sadie is worht everything!

Jayme said...

Goodness Ashley it's only been a minute since you had him! I've heard 9 months on, 9 months to take it off. Of course, I'm not one you should listen too since I'm still carrying weight I gained when I was pregnant with my 14 year old. Can I still claim it as baby weight??

Ashley D said...

I agree Jayme, it takes time and I am okay with that. It's just days like yesterday when my weight stares me in the face and just when I think I am doing real good.... bam, something reminds me I have a long way to go. Damn scrubs and scale. lol

Krystle said...

Oh, weight gain. It's odd because you think you would be motivated, esp when you hate that number..but at the same time..it's just not always there. Either way, I gained 45 pounds with Peyton. I was 120ish PP & 165 at delivery. I also didnt' gain a single pound until AFTER 20 weeks. I had horrid stretch marks, you name it. For some awful reason I wanted to weigh myself before we left the hospital, It was like 150 or 155, I was pissed. It took a few MONTHS of good eating/semi exercising, to get down to 140 & I was stuck. Then, I got my PCOS diagnosis & started metformin which didn't help & I couldn't stomach (literally). After that I did a few weeks of phentermine and was down to 132ish. Which I was happy with. I wasn't happy with THE GENERAL FREAKING PUBLIC ASKING WHEN MY BABY WAS DUE!! Apparently I still LOOKED pregnant. So it was more other people than me. Everytime I was comfortable with myself they ruined it. So far this pregnancy i've gained 15 pounds, so i'm at 145 and i'm 34 weeks. Either way my point was, I feel like it literally did take a good 9 months before I was close to where I was before. I envy those people who drop it immediately and go back to skinny mini's. But, i'm not one of them. GL!! oh and there is a site called..... theshapeofamother.com It really helped me when I was feeling not so great about my body. It's a beautiful site.

Tara said...

Be patient with yourself. Easier said than done, I know. But, I have donfidence that you can and will get back where you would like to be. You are beautiful in the pics posted, and SO HAPPY!

Take heart in that! After my son died, I lost a lot of weight (not eating) and people commented on how good I looked, which only angered me more becasue they were looking past how miserable I was.

Much love and peace to you! Tara

The Anglin Family said...

Don't feel too bad. You are beautiful!!
I too, am about to go back to work and I drug out all my scrubs that have been sacked up and some wouldnt even go over my thighs. Sigh.
You have a newborn! You have plenty of time..go buy some cute new scrubs. :-)

Jamie said...

Always remember that you gained the weight to grow that beautiful little child. Wear it as a badge of pride, and with a good routine, you will get where you need to be. :)

elena said...

Sounds like an amazing mentality to have and a great way to look at things. I am so glad CC is home as well. *hug* on returning back to work, it was hard for me to go back after having our kids.

Abigail said...

It definitely takes time to get back to our "normal" self after having a baby! Our bodies go through so much! I can see you are determined and know you will be able to fit into your scrubs, clothes and even VS bras in the near future!! You can do it!! Best of luck to you!