Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Mute

Sometimes, I just have nothing to say. Nothing to share. Nothing to give. Sometimes the grief is overwhelming, the fear is infinite and positivity seems non existent.

This week has felt like it's one foot in front of the other, just like 13 months ago. But now I am doing this journey along with my Mom and it's so hard to watch. So much in common and it's simply heartbreaking.

It's hard when people tell you
"Everything is going to be fine, it HAS to be because all you have been through"

But how do we know that? We don't. Heartbreak doesn't give you good luck, promise or happiness no matter how much you go through. I wish it did. I feel stronger than I was last year, I am a different person than I was last year and I have more appreciation for life than I did last year. But what else would it take to have a promise of "no more bad" when I feel like we have been drowning in it the past 13 months?







14 comments:

ryansmom said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. I think slow and steady with one foot in front of the other is a good way to move ahead. Hugs

My life said...

Ashley, I'm so sorry your family has had to endure anymore pain. I agree with one foot in front of the other, and sometimes it might even feel like your not moving at all. You are a very strong woman. Hugs.

urban chaos said...

The only thing one can do is persevere.

Each and every day you can only wake up, put one foot in front of the next and hope.
Your entire family has displayed incredible strength and courage,the new normal you have to live in is just that- your NORMAL- whatever it brings.

Don't ever apologize or let anyone make you question what goes through your mind and heart in any given day- it is your experience to live!

xo

Just Breathe said...

Ashley, it is so sad. I am so sorry for what you and your family is going through. I wish I could help you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

Maddie said...

Hugs Ashley. One foot in front of the other is amazing at the moment.

Thinking of you often.

Maddie x

Angie said...

No words of wisdom here. Just big hugs to you.

Lori said...

It is so hard when people (well-intentioned, of course, I know!) say that surely things will be better because of what you've been through.

I know they mean well, and Lord knows we want to believe it...but you are right, there's no guarantee.

So, just know that as you are pressing on and dealing day to day, there are others lifting you up and praying it's easier for you.

croleyc69 said...

Thinking of you and your family. Keeping you in my prayers so often. Wishing I could do more.

{{HUGS}}
Caroline

The Blue Sparrow said...

I am so so sorry Ashley! My heart aches for your family! I wish that I could give you that promise that everything would be alright, but the only thing that popped into my head while reading this was that old tried and true saying that God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. Sometimes that brightens my day. Sending prayers! (((HUGS)))

cmatsukes said...

I can understand I have been flooded with tears, anger, fear, and sorrow and yes even depression love blue sparrows comment about god it is true, but so hard to accept, yes different people, my husband and Mom but still a loss of 2 most amazing people in my life MY FAMILY. And I have mourned along with your FAMILY as well with Nolan and Charlie so I have been there, dont want to be there again but I know life goes on and most likely it will put me there again in the future. Sorry I had to vent it. I hope you can take one day at a time and yes one foot in front of another does help Hugs Aunt Chris.

Brie said...

screw the people who throw out cliches..what you've been through sucks. Plain and simple.

I haven't been in your exact shoes, so I don't know what it's like to suffer two magnificent losses so close together..but I do hope you just keep those feet walking one in front of the other.

Hang in there.

Lisette said...

Sending you BIG ((HUGS)).

Stephanie said...

Thinking of you!

I have heard those words before too and as much as they HOPE for them to be true...well, life is hard and there is no promise of 'good things, or it will get easier' that I know of.

Tragedy upon devastation is a place no one wants to live in let alone watch from a distance. How can you NOT be feeling what your feeling. You are coping in the best way you can and sometimes it is by feeling numb.

Survival is survival. Be as gentle on yourself as you can, no one can live the life you have but you.

Jill said...

Lots of hugs Ashley, and justk now we all have you in our prayers & thoughts, heck I do every single day! I wish I had the right words to say, but I just dont. I wish I can take away your pain, but I cant. Just know that you are doing what you can, and taking a step at a time, is all you can really do. I enjoy talking to you even via text or emails when we can. Bless you & know I amm here, always in my thoughts.