Thursday, June 9, 2011

Heavenly Birthday

We couldn’t have asked for a better day for Nolan’s Birthday. There were so many smiles and laughter and that’s what I wanted yesterday to be about.

Chris and I did go to Nolan’s NICU and brought all the nurses, RT’s and Dr’s cupcakes to say Thank You and remind them how much they meant to us for those 3 days. It was our first time going back tot he NICU since the last night we spent there after Nolan passed and we spent hours in the family room right outside the NICU. Heather, our NICU grief counselor and NICU nurse met us at the hospital and went with us. She is such a blessing, just having her made the morning that much easier.

We stepped into the NICU and Chris and I both looked at each other and he even mentioned how he feels like we should go turn the corner and wash our hands and go to Nolan's isolate. Good and sad memories flooded back, but hearing the nurses, especially Nolan’s admitting nurse and RT talk about him just made my day. I look forward to the day that I work there and I can share that same thing with returning families one day.

I wish I took pictures of the cupcakes because they looked SO stinking good.

We then headed back to the house were all our close friends and family met up for dinner, cake and a visit to Nolan to sing Happy Birthday and release balloons. I’ll never fully digest why we spend a 2 year olds birthday in a memorial garden singing Happy Birthday, but it’s the least we can do. Some may find it “morbid” but when your in our spot, it’s normal to us, all we really have known the past 2 years.

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We wrote notes on the balloons we released and sent them off to Heaven after singing Happy Birthday.

I have put off planning this day, not sure because I was angry about having to find an alternative to a normal birthday party or I was frustrated with finding something to keep tradition of being out on the water every year for his birthday that I declared last year. Then at the last minute, I came across the Fort Myers Princess sunset cruise and it screamed perfect.

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So we all headed out for a night out on the water, see some sunset and dance our night away with our friends and family. I couldn’t have planned this night to be any more perfect. For what Nolan’s birthday is, with out, we had SO MUCH FUN celebrating his little life. We laughed, we danced, we drank, we sang and we even all did the limbo. This year, we made a new tradition, a birthday sunset cruise. Thank you to all our family and friends who chose to take the time out of their busy lives to help remind Chris and I that we have a little 2 year old. He may not be with us here but he sure does fill our heart with love. We miss him with our entire being and he has made me a better Mom because I savor every single second and appreciate what life is really all about. Living, loving and freaking celebrating. IMG_1029

Happy Birthday Nolan. I hope we did you proud.

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12 comments:

Ava's mummy said...

What a truly beautiful post and I love your new tradition. Thank you so much for sharing Nolan's birthday with us, the photos are just gorgeous.

What you said about your family and friends coming together to remember Nolan had me in tears. I am glad you had the support around you on this special day for Nolan.

Wishing you much gentleness and a belated birthday to Nolan.

Lisa said...

I'm glad Nolan's birthday turned out so well. It was great to see you laughing and dancing. I wish I could return to the NICU but just reading your post about it brought on anxiety. You're amazing!

Kimberly said...

What a beautiful way to spend his birthday! What a great post, I couldn't help but tear up.

Jaime said...

As perfect as can be! It really was nice to see you laughing and dancing and having fun... like a party should be. I am sure Nolan was fist pumping right along with you all!

x <3 o

LauraJane said...

What a great way to spend Nolan's birthday. :)

Sarah said...

Ohhh he is so proud :) Such a sweet birthday. Nolan is smiling.

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

What a great new tradition!! Hope the 2nd year was peacful <3 I've got that coming up next week...

Jennifer said...

I don't find it morbid at all! I think you are AMAZING parents and Nolan and CC are lucky to have you.

Jaye said...

Happy Birthday, Nolan!

And Ashley, I think what you did was wonderful. We are one of the few societies who mourn death and think it's morbid. In other societies death (after the fact) is celebrated and remembered happily as it should be. Nolan would be very happy to have his birthday remembered and celebrated.

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances said...

I'm crying. Which happens a lot on here with me. This was a beautiful post and I'm SO glad to see you smile and laugh.

Holly said...

♥Nolan♥

Allison said...

Happy birthday, Nolan! What a beautiful way to tribute your little boy!