Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Happy 2nd Birthday Nolan


2 years ago today God made me a mother to a miracle. A miracle that most Drs said was impossible. We had no idea what lied ahead of us that morning when we were told it was time and we no longer could fight for our unborn son. It was his turn. On the morning of June 8th, our son was born via emergency c-section.

Today is about celebrating Nolan. All 13 ounces of him that fought with all his strength to give us 3 amazing days. I will never forget the first and only cry he made that morning. I remember Dr F being so happy his Apgars were better than some of her full term babies. I remember the nurse telling me that they got his airway and then I distinctly remember them rolling me into the NICU right after surgery on the stretcher so I could meet him. I was so proud, I felt on top of the world that morning even though the stark reality of it was lurking right behind that pride.
June 8th is a day that we will forever celebrate. We will make traditions and remember our Nolan. It's up to chris and I to keep his memory alive because for some people it's so easy to let that slip.
So this morning, I am happy. I am happy that I was given 3 days, I'm thankful we have an OB that believed. I'm thankful that I know I fought as hard as I could, I did everything in my power.
Don't get me wrong, I'm hurt we aren't opening presents for a 2 year old. I'm still angry that we dont have a huge birthday party with a theme and little 2 year old running around.

But I am a mother who has accepted that we will forever sing "Happy Birthday" in a memorial garden on June 8th instead. We will always honor Nolan as a family on this day, this day will never be forgotten.
So today, I ordered 3 dozen cupcakes for Chris, CC & I to deliver to the NICU for Nolan's birthday. It will be the first time since losing Nolan that we have even stepped foot near there. I want to thank all those nurses and RT's that believed right along with us. That fought for him when we no longer could. I want them to know what today means to me, because of them, we had a chance, a glimmer of hope and I am forever grateful.


We are then releasing balloons and singing Happy Birthday to Nolan and going with a bunch of family and friends on a Sunset cruise. An evening out on the water to remember what today is all about. Our Nolan.


Happy Birthday Nolan! We love you and we miss you every single day of our lives. There's not one day when we don't think or talk about you. You were truly a miracle and today we will celebrate. I KNOW between Grandma Ruth and Charlie up there, you probably ate an entire cake by now with Brice. I love you Nolan, more than I can ever express in words.
Happy Birthday.

19 comments:

Krystle said...

Oh Ashley, my heart goes out to you. You are such a good momma.

Happy birthday Nolan!

Jacinta said...

Happy Birthday Nolan! You are amazing!

cmatsukes said...

Happy Birthday Nolan yes it up to the family members of those passed to remember the past everyone else do seem to forget but our hearts dont forget because part of hearts are with them. Dont forget his other 2 great uncles up there with him too I am sure they are celebrating. Hope you do this every year but I dont think that you will ever forget. Love Aunt Chris.

Dana said...

Happy Birthday Nolan!

Ashley, I love what you have planned for Nolan's birthday.

m&msmommy said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Nolan!

Praying for peace and comfort for your hearts on this day!

LauraJane said...

Happy birthday Nolan.

Yet another beautiful post. Good luck at the NICU today, I hope it brings you some peace. :)

CaSondra Shim said...

thinking of you today! Prayers and hugs your way!

Carly said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Nolan! You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Stephanie said...

What a bittersweet day. I love the way you're going to celebrate, and I know you'll make sure that CC knows what a great big brother he has! Happy birthday, Nolan!

Jaime said...

HBD Nolan! Mmmm... cupcakes! Sounds like a fabulous way to celebrate your little man's birthday!

x <3 o

Jen said...

Happy Birthday, Sweet Nolan.

Thinking of you and your family today, Ashley.

theresia said...

Thank you Ashley and Chris for keeping Nolan's spirit alive. It must be so difficult to share and remember Nolan's short life on earth, but the bond between a parent and child is forever. When I read your comments my heart weeps for you but I also am so very proud that you are able to find the strength to express your emotions. Thinking of you always!Happy Birthday Nolan! I hope everyone enjoys the tranquil water and the sunsetcelebration in honor of Nolan. Give CC a big hug from his family in Burlington,MA. Love & Prayers Theresia and Walter

Jason said...

Ashley, I found the link to your blog on the note you left next to the cupcakes. Thank you for those- I'm pretty sure they are already almost gone! I took care of Nolan in the NICU and I remember him and you very much. I remember exactly where his isolette was in the corner of room 4. I remember how determined he was and how proud you were to be the mother of such an amazing little fighter. What I remember most is that Nolan was surrounded by people who smiled. Even at the hardest parts of his little life, there were smiles through the tears. You could just feel it in the air-everyone hoping and praying for and loving him. It seems that his life is celebrated now just as it was when he was born. Happy birthday,Nolan. God bless you and your family...
Ellen, RN

Cecilia said...

Happy birthday, Nolan!

I love your plans for today, what an awesome way to remember Nolan.

Lauren said...

beautiful post, ashley! think of you guys and sweet nolan.

Bree said...

Happy 2nd Birthday to your sweet Nolan! <3

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday Nolan!

It sounds like you have a wonderful day planned. Hugs

Angie said...

It sounds like a perfect celebration for your boy's big day. Happy Birthday Sweet Nolan, remembering you with your mommy and daddy always xo

cmatsukes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.