Thursday, September 23, 2010

Adrenaline

When we say things like people don't change, it drives scientist crazy. Because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy... matter... it's always changing... morphing...merging...growing...dying.

It's the way people try NOT to change that is unnatural. The way we cling to way things were, instead of letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones, the way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this life time is permanent.

Change is constant, how we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a 2nd chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life, like at any moment.... We can be born all over again.
-Meridith Grey

I guess I kind of feel this way. I learned real fast this past year that change does happen, it's going to happen because I'm not in charge of my story. God is in charge, things are not a guarantee in life and sometimes this is the hardest thing to accept. But what I can do is realize he is giving me another chance, it may not be a guarantee, but I need to embrace it at every day I am given. And at those moments when my subsequent pregnancy anxiety seems absent and things are feeling real, it really does feel like adrenaline. The whole fact God is giving us a so far healthy pregnancy, feels like adrenaline itself, like there is a small possibility our life can change for some good for the first time in awhile.

I can't cling to what our life used to be, because I realize we went through some change. Really big change.

7 comments:

MissingYouAlways said...

"But what I can do is realize he is giving me another chance, it may not be a guarantee, but I need to embrace it at every day I am given"
that is a great way to look at it.

Desi said...

wow. I just admire you. I've been reading your blog for awhile and sometimes I feel like you have been through so much that what I have to say will mean nothing because I haven't felt the hurt you have felt. But I just want you to know that even though I can't relate to you in your experience, I do admire you and you inspire me :).

Dana said...

Wow, I have to save that quote and re-read it. I know I will do that alot. I am really struggling with accepting my life as it is now, without my baby.

"But what I can do is realize he is giving me another chance, it may not be a guarantee, but I need to embrace it at every day I am given"

That is a great way to look at it.

Tara said...

What a powerful quote! I'm going to print it out for myself to remind myself of this each day. Awesome!!

Pam said...

Gonna borrow this quote for a friend who really could use it right now! Glad things are "changing" for the better for you guys!

Lisette said...

Just love this post.
I know that change is never easy. You have been through so darn much but I love how you look at the future. I really do admire that. Nothing is for certain but I really believe that there is so much good coming your way.

Cecilia said...

So true. I struggle with this as well. Sometimes I think I struggle with control harder now, but it's pointless.