Adrenaline

When we say things like people don't change, it drives scientist crazy. Because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy... matter... it's always changing... morphing...merging...growing...dying.

It's the way people try NOT to change that is unnatural. The way we cling to way things were, instead of letting them be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones, the way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this life time is permanent.

Change is constant, how we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a 2nd chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment, we can have another chance at life, like at any moment.... We can be born all over again.

-Meridith Grey

I guess I kind of feel this way. I learned real fast this past year that change does happen, it's going to happen because I'm not in charge of my story. God is in charge, things are not a guarantee in life and sometimes this is the hardest thing to accept. But what I can do is realize he is giving me another chance, it may not be a guarantee, but I need to embrace it at every day I am given. And at those moments when my subsequent pregnancy anxiety seems absent and things are feeling real, it really does feel like adrenaline. The whole fact God is giving us a so far healthy pregnancy, feels like adrenaline itself, like there is a small possibility our life can change for some good for the first time in awhile.

I can't cling to what our life used to be, because I realize we went through some change. Really big change.