Friday, October 8, 2010

"I got 3 days" (video of me)

When my church approached me to do a story & video on our Nolan, I jumped at the chance. I LOVE sharing Nolan's story. It may have the heartbreak, but it has a powerful testimony to life. A life that most Dr's said would never take place.

Dr's believed he had a fatal chromosome disorder and would not sustain life at all. We were even offered an option to deliver prematurely for medical reasons. We obviously declined, we were appalled that they would even consider this, especially with not knowing the facts. Sure, we would like to know what he had, but we would never give up on him no matter what the test results showed.

We did the tests, come to find out days later, he was 100% healthy. His amniocentesis came back perfect, he still had a suspected heart defect(we found out at birth was very very SMALL) but he was just too small for an unknown reason. This gave me even more drive to fight even harder to prove to these Dr's that they were
wrong.

Thank God for my OB because I am convinced she was the only medical professional that believed in hope for our little guy.

For weeks I fought, bed rest, ultrasounds, knowing our son was too small- measuring weeks behind. Every single ounce counted at this point. Every.single.one. in order to sustain life.

Even the day before he was born and I was admitted to the hospital, I was told by the high risk Dr's that if he were born "right now", there was no hope, he was too small. Little did we know we would find out hours later, the ENTIRE reason he was small was because my body was failing him. I came down with Pre-eclampsia & HELLP syndrome with in hours, and delivered the next morning.

Nolan was 13 ounces and 10.5 inches. He was the size of a 21 week baby, even though I was 26 weeks. Babies become viable and are given the chance to live around 23-24 weeks. He
wasn't even the size of those babies. But he came out crying, and had APGAR scores better than some full term babies.

Never once was anything wrong with Nolan, he was just too small. But he sure did show this world something miraculous, he was a fighter. A testimony to life, the reason I fought.
Through all the heartbreak and anger that he is gone, I can now look back and say...
We got 3 days.

So here is the link to the video my church did for Nolan. I am so happy they wanted to share our miracle with our parish. It shows how special he is, and even in heartbreak, I can look back and say we were lucky to get the 3 days we did given all the odds that were against him.

But I will say, he was absolutely perfect, just too small.
Here is the story that was so kindly written about Nolan.
Here is the video (I can't believe I am sharing because I am in it), that took me all day to finally sit down and watch. I was just too nervous, but I had tears rolling down my face. He captured his story perfect. Thank you Damien, it's amazing.


Nolan's Life from Damian Hanley on Vimeo.

22 comments:

Jaime said...

What a beautiful tribute to you as a mother and to your son the Little Fighter. Thank you so much for sharing.

xo

Jen said...

What an amazing video! I watched it in complete awe. I'm glad you shared that with us--it's beautifully done.
((Hugs))

Dana said...

That is such beautiful video. I loved seeing Nolan move around. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Sending you hugs.

Alise said...

I just want to tell you that this was an amazing way to share your experience with us. I truely think that you have been given strength from above to be able to cope as well as you were on the video! ((HUGS))

MissingYouAlways said...

oh ashley this had me bawling. such a beautiful baby boy. <3

Misty said...

Beautiful! I love how at about 2:40 into the video, a piece of the video fades out and you are in the next shot, while the video of Nolan is still there and it looks like you are holding Nolan. He is a perfect little angel!

Amanda said...

A beautiful story. My Evelyn was born at 24+6 weighing 8.5 ounces. We had IUGR for no real known reason and I developed severe pree (the reason we delivered).

I thank you for sharing your story.

Stephanie said...

How did you get through that in one piece. I am sitting here bawling and am amazed at how composed and gracefully you spoke of Nolan.

What an amazing and beautiful tribute~ and getting to see your faith throughout this experience is going to touch so many mama's lives.

Lara + Chris said...

Darnit! I'm crying now. Beautifully done and I'm so glad you now have this video.

rabrown74 said...

Hi Ashley,

Thanks for sharing your story of your beautiful baby boy Nolan. I know how tough that is to retell a story such as yours. We lost our second baby after 7 days with a severe heart defect back in Oct. 2007. He will have been 3 this Oct. 22nd. God bless you and this beautiful child you carry. God blessed us with another son in May of 2009. Your story is a beautiful tribute to your son & testimony of faith.
Blessings,
Rebecca Brown -
BPJ Parishoner & Catechist

Kimberly said...

Its amazing Ashley. Thank you for sharing!

Shannon said...

Beautiful video! Even though I have followed Nolan's life since you saw those 2 pink lines almost 2 years ago, I am still so deeply touched by everything about his life. Thank you for sharing this.

Holly said...

The video was amazing. I'm in tears!!

Nicole said...

An amazing tribute and video. Tears are pouring down my face. Thank you for sharing with us, I'm so touched.

Melissa said...

What a beautiful video. I really resonate with when you said, "I gave him life, He gave me 3 days." I think in the loss of our children, it's hard to be thankful for that. Thanks for sharing.

Jayme said...

How did they not pick up on the possibility of pre-e sooner? IUGR is a huge marker from what I understand!

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ryansmom said...

Beautiful video. You did a fantastic job sharing Nolan's story and expressing your feelings. I love your sign from heaven. God is amazing in mysterious ways. Sending love your way.

Cecilia said...

Beautiful and thoughtful. I love that you got to share Nolan!

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