Thursday, November 25, 2010

15 days and THANKFUL!

The Macy’s Thanksgiving parade is on, the Christmas tree is lit, baby gear is all over our house and I have a little 5lb baby boy dealing with hiccups and pushing his little butt into my ribs. I love it, every second of

I could sit here and write all the things I am thankful for…my amazingly patient husband, ruby slipper nail polish, an almost finished nursery, a Glee Christmas CD, a best friend bringing home her NICU grad this fall after 100+ days, my family, all my friends being pregnant and giving little CC besties, Short Term Disability paychecks and my AMAZING OB Dr. Fish… I could keep this list going. But there is one thing, one HUGE thing that in the wake of all our heartbreak this year that I am most thankful for, our growing baby boy.

I really have no clue how in the mist of all our loss this year, my family could have kept going with out our little CC growing and our faith that the end of 2010 is going to be a good one for us. He is the light of our dark year, our hope for renewed happiness and and our chance to feel normal again. I can NOT wait for Dec 10th! We have 15 days left, and every day he stays put is even more hope for no NICU. You will NEVER hear me want him born any earlier than he already is because I truly understand the miracle of every day.  I can wait 15 more days, it’s so close anyways! So I am hoping and praying he waits until December 10th. It’s going to be one big Birthday Party at Healthpark that day and I can’t wait!

15 days!!!!!

Our holidays will be different this year. I’m not avoiding the celebration or the joy because this year is a year to celebrate and Nolan, my brother, Grandpa and my Uncle along with all my other loved ones would want to see our family smile this Christmas. CC is going to make that happen especially when we dress him up in his Carters Santa outfit and take him to Midnight Mass! I am so stinking excited. He’s going to be our little Special Delivery.

So raise a glass, stuff your face with turkey and say a little prayer that CC waits 15 more days! I made it to Thanksgiving still pregnant! 2 more ultrasounds, 3 more appointments, a pre-op appointment next week and before we know it, he will be placed in our arms. OOOOHHHH so so so so close!

My Dad wrote a Thanksgiving letter on FB this morning, and I just have to share it because it really sums it up, 2010, the grief and the new hope. Love you Dad, you said it best!

A Letter to Our Friends,

It seems so wrong to celebrate a day of Thanksgiving when it seems there is nothing to be thankful for. Our beloved Charlie is gone, my wonderfully smart and funny brother Michael left us, and the anchor of the Bartens , E.H., could not hold on the life’s chain anymore. This is the start of the “Holiday Season” and I feel like, so what.

Well I’ll tell ya so what; I have a beautiful wife and 2 ladies at OSU! I have a daughter and fantastic son in law that loves her dearly, who are also prego with their 2ND child. I have a wonderful and sweet adopted daughter (thank you Charlie). There is Trina’s sister who is the best aunt these kids could ever have. I have my brothers and sisters and their families, up north. On Dec. 10th I will celebrate 1yr of successful heart surgery. Oh! December 10th, is also the day that my 2nd grandchild is to be born.

So yes , there are things to be thankful for. I am alive, I have family, friends, and a new baby coming. This does not mean I am not still mourning our losses. There isn’t a day goes by that I do not wish that my son, brother and father-in-law were still here with us. Living day by day is so difficult at times. But I am also thankful for a renewed Faith that keeps me strong for the rest of my family.

So, on this Thanksgiving Day, be thankful for and take good care of what you have. Thank the Good Lord this Holiday Season and ask him for the strength to renew faith.

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless,              


Happy Thanksgiving friends, I love you all for your continued support, encouraging words and the love you have given my family this year. I am thankful for every single one of you!


Ashley Phillips said...

Such a beautiful story Ashley! Your continued strength amazes me, even after such adversity you remain strong and I admire you so much for that! While my family is gathered around the table today, I will be saying grace..and rest assured CC and your family will be well alive through out the prayer! Best wishes for CC's healthy arrival into the world and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, who I miss was so nice living across the street from them (: Charlie and I were always in trouble together ha ha ha! HAPPY THANKSGIVING and let the 15 day countdown begin!

cmatsukes said...

Well said Jim After all our loss to in the past year I feel thankful they were there for me through my life and that I experienced time with all them so to you my Great Husband, Mom, Dad, and my Nephew Charlie, and my father in law I hope you will all enjoy with us the beautiful thanksgiving season and all the holidays I love you all.
And to my family and friends here with us today we celebrate the past the present and the future. I am thankful for Ashley and bringing this new life into the world, welcome CC to the family and for my present husband, my wonderful sister and all my nieces and especially my little pumpkin Makayla Love to everyone and many thankfulness to all of you.

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances said...

You made me cry. Again.

Happy Thanksgiving Ashley.

urban chaos said...

What a poignant reminder to be thankful for all that we do have in life.

And Dec 10th equals a party up in heaven unlike any other!
I have a strong feeling baby CC isn't going anywhere until he's scheduled too..he's awaiting his big entrance. ;)


Jaime said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Ashley! Your positive attitude towards life in the wake of so much heartbreak is always a shining light. I admire your strength, your wit... and your cute belly!!

15 days!!


Pam McBride said...

Congrats on still being preggo at Turkey day! You and CC are doing great and you're almost there, wow!! Your dad's letter is beautiful. Happy holidays to you and your family. xoxo

TanaLee Davis said...

I think your great Ashley.
I hope the best for you and your family in 15 days!
Your strength is something I admire and hope to have in my future.
Fyi- I love the color of your walls and I have the same baby swing that I bought for TanaLee. (Go Baby-r-us!!)
You'll be in my thoughts until your next post...can't wait to see CC!
Take care-

Kimberly said...

Gosh I am bawling from your Dad's letter. Happy Thanksgiving to your beautiful family Ashley!

Jayme said...

That letter from your father was absolutely beautiful and perfect. I love love love it.

Jill said...

Beautiful Ashley, I cannot wait until that day, until we all get to "meet" CC. That gave me chills reading that you will be taking him to Midnight Mass. A christmas baby, simply adorable & bittersweet. & What a sweet letter youre dad wrote.I hope to be able to visit sometime early next year to meet Mr CC and all of you! 15 more days, its going to happen! HAPPY 35 Weeks Ashley!

Pam said...

I think we are all so excited to meet this little guy! I was talking about you this thanksgiving after we had been gluttons and how joyful you are! Praise God! He is good! Can't wait to see pics of this precious little guy.

Nolan you keep looking out for your little brother! God Bless! Hugs!

I am thankful for you Ashley. Because of you and your words I have been able to understand my mother as I have expressed to you before. She has opened up and shared more with me and I have gotten to know more about her because of knowing you. Thank you!

Lauren said...

15 MORE DAYS!!! You can do it, and CC will be here before you know it. Your Dad's letter is beautiful. CC brings so much joy and HOPE to your family's life!

Mrs. Chastain said...

Hi I'm from thebump's Dec 2010 forum! Was just dropping in to say hi! I've been trying to meet new blogging people especially mommies who will have little ones the same age as mine. :)

Katie said...

Wow, such a powerful letter, all I have is tears. I'm so happy that you made it to Thanksgiving still pregnant!! 15 days!!

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

So excited for you!!! I can't wait to see you posting as many pics of CC as I have of Paisley, lol. I'm so sorry for all the loss you & your family have endured but your strength is inspiring. Happy Thanksgiving to you guys <3

Debbie said...

I have tears in my eyes.

Happy Thanksgiving, Ashley. I have been and will continue to be thinking of you.

LetterstoClaire said...

You are completely right- after experiencing a loss, every day is an accomplishment and something to be thankful for. I know with my next pregnancy, my little baby can stay womb happy for as long as he/she wants! I have a pregnant friend who keeps wishing her baby would be "born already" even though she hasn't reached her due date. If my loss wasn't so fresh, I think I'd reach out and tell her its only our eagerness to see them that makes us wish that for them. Otherwise, we would realize that they will come when they are good and ready and are healthier every day because of it.

Ruby said...

Hi I have been reading your story for a while and im sorry i have failed to comment on every post but i am so excited for your family for the arrival of CC. I keep you Nolan and baby C in my prayers I am anxiously awaiting your next post xoxo

Jenny said...

Beautiful! Your dad said it so well and so did you! :)

P.S. Ruby Slipper nail polish...who makes it?