::grab brown paper bag and breath in and out::
I am so overwhelmed to the point I am sitting on my couch in tears with 1,000,000 thoughts racing through my head. I feel like we are so not ready for this baby when it comes to the logistics of things. I mean, I know we are SO ready for him emotionally. I’ve been feeling this way since the baby shower when we got all these fun things for him and half of it I don’t know what to do with it, do we have too much, too little of this, what about that? Oh did I mention we are running out of room in this house too? I am just so upset this afternoon, I’m trying to research stuff and I am so frustrated with the fact that I should KNOW this stuff or at least SOME of it. I am a mom! But I never got to act as one outside the NICU. So when I feel so clueless about this stuff, it reminds me how Nolan isn’t here, wasn’t here and I have no clue how to take care of a baby at home, so I just don’t feel like a Mom. I know it will all come natural to us when he comes home and we will learn as we go, but I can’t help feeling this way.
God forbid the person that says… “Your finally a Mom” when CC arrives because it will send me over the edge.
I’m trying to take it easy, I was looking forward to that today sitting on the couch watching movies with a best friend but plans fell through. I have no desire to go anywhere, get dressed or do anything. I just need a day of NOTHING. But now that I am doing a day of nothing I feel so lonely. Yea yea, soak these moments up while I can because in 19 days there will be no such thing- but I can’t wait for that. But I am going to be the happiest tired Mom on the block so that excuse doesn’t work for me. You will never hear me complain about sleep, exhaustion or any of that because I want this so bad I don’t care about all those things.
Chris and I haven’t even taken any baby classes. Why not?… Who the hell knows. Maybe I was so guarded on that stuff it slipped my mind. I mean I JUST started feeling comfortable signing up for baby samples and stuff. Now I feel like we are in the last minute, things are going to be happening and I have no clue about anything. Can you tell my thoughts are racing, welcome to my little brain of ADHD. To sign up for the baby care class on Dec 2nd or no, is it even worth it? Ahhhhh!
The nursery doesn’t seem complete, I have no idea what we will do for bottles or feeding (that’s a whole other issue), I am undecided on where to put stuff, what to wash, what to get with our gift cards because I know we need certain things or do we? AHHHHHHH!
This momma needs a good Culvers butter burger and chocolate malt to calm me down, but of course Florida has NO CULVERS! For the love of a crazy hormonal wife, how does Chris even deal with me!?
Back to your regularly scheduled program, I am going to go cry off this anxiety and hopefully fall asleep so I can forget how lonely I feel today.