Saturday, November 13, 2010

Admit #2

I would give my right arm and left leg and look like a hobble if it meant we could go full term until CC arrives. I get so irritated when people whine and beg before 37 weeks for their baby to make their grand appearance just because they are uncomfortable and bored with pregnancy. Are these people crazy? There are pregnancies out there DYING to get that far. Such as myself.

So here we are, admitted back at the hospital in hopes of getting this monster to full term. I had felt off all week, I know it was a pretty busy week with the baby shower and surprise guests. But that landed me in triage early Wednesday morning with increased BP’s and headaches. Most everything checked out okay, but he had a significant decel and that bought a BPP ultrasound. He checked out fine, he took some practice breaths, moved a little bit, had lower than normal fluid and heart rate was acceptable. I was sent home and had a follow-up BPP and appointment yesterday.

I knew he had been sluggish in movement all week, my OB knows that too. I wasn’t expecting him to not pass yesterday but it doesn't surprise me with the motherly gut instinct that something hasn’t been right all week. I’ve just felt off and I am pretty good at listening to my body.

So he didn’t pass the movement and tone part of his BPP yesterday with his normal ultrasound sonographer who I trust with my life, so he got an unscheduled NST. Which my kid is lazy and decided to not move during that leaving the test un-reactive and buying me a nice flat bed on 2 South with bad TV but constant monitoring. Thank you sweet baby Jesus.

I was 1,000% content with this decision, plus my OB knows me better than I do, she knows I would have ended up back in her hands this weekend if she dared sent me home with a follow-up BPP in triage next morning. God I love her.

So last night, CC decided to have some decels that were enough to call my OB at 2am. Thankfully he perked up a little after but he still has been sluggish all night and even this morning. Something just feels off. I had my follow-up BPP this morning which was my ticket out of here if he passed, but he didn’t. Again, my kid is being a lazy. I started contracting a tiny bit this morning but nothing to write home about and the tech mentioned my placenta looking a little too mature. (not good) considering Nolan’s super aged and unhealthy placenta.

Well Thank You lady, because you just made my anxiety go up to the sky. Bless my poor OBs heart when she came in to discuss the plans and I broke out in Niagara Falls. I was terrified of her wanting to send me home, when how can I think about going home?! I have no desire to, I am terrified that something will happen, like worst case scenerio. I will feel his last kick, he will get wrapped up in his cord, his placenta will fail, something… something can happen. Sure, I know WAY too much, but I was adopted into this baby loss community where some of my closest support the past year has lost their babies in similar ways. I am so blessed to have the OB I do, she feels confident that CC is doing okay, his decels were normal last night since his strip looked reactive.

When I say, I just have this gut feeling something isn’t right despite the good monitor numbers. I am so glad she has no problem watching me longer until he starts to perk up to his usual self. I don’t think that he will be born early, nor do I want that. AT ALL. I am avoiding the NICU mess at all chance, but I am so scared of something happening in utero.

SO when I say this to her, she isn’t shocked and understands and was going to keep me anyways BUT that’s because she has been through this journey with us. She stood there and gave us the bad news of Nolan at 18 weeks about his growth, it was my first time ever seeing her at the practice. She sat on my bed with an ultrasound the morning of June 8th and told me how sick I was and how NOW was the time. She left her appointments the morning of June 11th and came and wrapped her arms around me and cried with me after we lost Nolan. She was excited for this new pregnancy, she has fought to get me to every milestone. Given me every test under the book, scanned me more times than I can count. She took me in first thing the morning after Charlie’s accident just to check me out and give me a peace of mind. She was there the week my Grandpa died. She knows everything we have been through. So when I say, how can I feel confident when we have so much misfortune, she can honestly say, I can’t argue with you.

So since my test was not the best this morning and even though my monitor looks decent with everything it should show, she is being an angel and keeping me 1-2 more days. She’s doing it because she rocks, she knows my fears and if there was ONE thing we want this year is to make it to December 10th. I have been given the steroid shots just in case, and switched to Heparin a week early just incase CC changes his plans. I am in good hands and have amazing nurses who all remember Nolan and what we went through and I can’t thank my lucky stars enough.

Again, I will do anything for this monster baby to wake up, be himself and give me the confidence to say I can make it the next 3 weeks and 6 days. It’s just so hard when our family attracts the worst luck and you have a gut feeling. I think my cozy room on the 2nd floor is home until CC decides that he is wide awake and ready for action again. Then I will go home with confidence to countdown the last 27 days.

photo(7)

I can’t forget this lil guy on my bedside table, I know he was closely watching his little brother that I so desperately want to bring home.

18 comments:

Lisa said...

I came to the DW Knotties board shortly after you had gotten married, and followed your blog for AGES. I don't think I've ever posted, but I wanted to let you know that you probably have hundreds, if not THOUSANDS, of people just like me lurking in the wings - praying for you and CC and just waiting to jump for joy when you get to bring him home and start your life as a family of 4. I KNOW Nolan is watching out for his little brother and it sounds like your OB is yet another Angel on your side. I'll continue to pray for you and CC that all will go well. I had a 35w 3d baby myself so I know at least a smidge of the anxiety you know far too well. Hang in there and many hugs to you!

Preemie Mama said...

Ashley, I've lurked for over a year, give or take. I'm the mom of a 27 weeker, 61-day NICU stay; she is 3 now. I haven't experienced loss, but I have experienced a truly emergency c/s (my daughter almost died in utero), and that and the NICU change a person. Just wanted to de-lurk to say I am praying for you. God bless.

Monkey Meanderings said...

Prayers, prayers, and more prayers. And your OB does rock! CC sure is keeping Nolan, Ed and Charlie busy.....he is such a blessed little boy to have such a team of Angels.

Mama Fee said...

Thank you for pointing out it's annoying some women complain about being miserable at 37 weeks. I was one of those and you have opened my eyes. I read your blog often and am thinking of you at this time! Prayers to you and your family. :)

Lauren said...

Praying for you!!

Did you try drinking some coffee to get that lazy baby of yours up and moving? Maybe he's out of room and doesn't have anywhere to move to? I'll be looking for updates as soon as you have them.

Jessica said...

*hugs* I am glad they are watching over you. Its all in the best interest of your sweet little one. Praying for you and your sweet boy.

I am getting a lot of crap from my family about Clover arriving. I will be 38 weeks tomorrow with an induction this week and I am fine with that, but all I get from them is that he is never coming out. I can understand they expected him early, but they should be happy for us that he will be a full term baby.

Lara + Chris said...

Listen, CC!! Stop scaring your mama. I know she's awesome, but that doesn't mean you have to rush to meet her so early!

Ashley, I am so glad you are listening to your instincts and so glad that your OB is on board with everything. I'd much rather have you in the hospital than at home worrying. On the plus side, if he has to come out for some reason, 33+ weeks is a much, much, much better time to do it than 24 or 28 or 32 weeks. But I am keeping my fingers crossed that he keeps cooking at least another month!

Our Happily Ever After said...

Oh, sweet girl. Hang in there. Sounds like you are in terrific hands and that is so very important. I'm sending up prayers for you.
Hugs!

Sar(Mrs.Teddy) said...

THinking of you and praying for you. You are so right to listen to your body. My gut instincts are what lead us to find my PIH or whatever they classified it as, bought me an induction and some time and Mag, and my beautiful 35 weeker. Those steroids will help, even if CCs plans are different then yours, but I will continue to pray that he cooperates and stays put till the 10th!

Jill said...

Hey Ashley! I finally got to read your blog. I had no idea you felt off all week. I am praying for you to make it each and every day to Dec 10th, but IF things change, just know you are in GREAT hands and I have faith and KNOW everything will be okay! But of course we all would love for you to get to 37 weeks! Rememeber now, I had miss Sadie at 34w6d, I was so darned I wanted that extra day just to say she was born at 35 weeks, but, heck I am so happy with it. And only one day in nICU for observation and she was in my arms the next day! So I pray mr CC wakes up and gives mama some lots of movements and passes those tests. I will continue to follow your updates and just know SOOOOO many of us are pullling for you and CC and whole family and youve got an amazing angels watching over you. xoxoxoxox

krousehouse said...

I am praying for you and CC, and I'm hoping he gets moving in that belly of yours so you can rest a little easier (though I know it won't be easy by any means) and get through the next few weeks. Once he is here and fine this will all be a distant memory.

Katie said...

Lots of T&P for you and CC!

Holly said...

Praying everything stays ok and he can stay in for a little longer to get those lungs mature.

Jayme said...

I also get frustrated at people who just want to be done being pregnant way before they're at term.

Trust your instincts like you have been :) I'm glad your doctor is keeping you and that helps reassure you.

I know you don't want to deal with the NICU again, the thought is so scary. I had the twins at 33 weeks, and after having a 25 weeker, the difference was night and day. They were HUGE looking first of all, and they were basically just feeders and growers. I didn't have any of the ups and downs and stress like I did with my 25 weeker.

I'm glad you got the steroids, just in case- I think they are why my twins were in and out of the NICU so fast.

Also, my daughter was born at 35 weeks on the dot and came right home with me the next day, no time in the NICU or anything- so just because they're a bit early doesn't mean they will end up in the NICU!

Keep on cooking, CC! We're all rooting for you!

Lori said...

Oh gosh, Ashley...my heart just stopped every now and then as I read and just FELT for you...I'm praising God that your OB rocks and just want to send that sweet little CC a message: HANG OUT JUST A WHILE LONGER!

Anxiously waiting for him to perk back to his usual self with you...
xoxo

CaSondra Shim said...

My prayers are with you Ashley!!! Thank you for sharing and so glad you have the hospitals care and many of our Angel babies looking out for you and CC

Michelle said...

Ashley I have kept you guys in my thoughts and prayers this whole time. I understand to fears you are going through and I am so glad your doctor is willing to keep you a few more days. I am 19 1/2 weeks and dealing with low fluid. I am scared to death. I had it with Juanito too. I just pray that we all get our rainbow babies here healthy and safe!!!

Allison said...

Keeping you and baby CC in my prayers! So glad you have some peace of mind while being closely monitored in the hospital. I pray that CC will perk up & the rest of your pregnancy will be smooth sailing!