Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Oh Mummy... wrap me up baby!

Burn those inches. I'm going to admit I have taken to the extreme in attempting to lose weight this past week in wedding preparation. Okay not weight, but inches.

ZOMG, I can not believe I am going to blog this. Seriously.

Well lets just get it out there by saying Val's wedding was my goal to have all my weight lost. I lost 23lbs in about 90 days, with the help of a no carb diet. But as the wedding approached, I was to the point that maybe a few more inches wouldn't hurt. Which is why I broke down and purchased the....
Body Wrap GROUPON.

Yup, it was $49 and a guarantee of 6-20 inches lost. SOLD. I hit that purchase button so fast I'm surprised I didn't re-crack my iphone. Oh wait- my iphone was still shattered- I'm sure my purchase didn't help.


So I called Slender Life and made my trusty appointment for a few days pre-wedding. I made a few jokes about this new endevour to the girls at work, especially after I learned they make you dance after being wrapped. Oh good lord.

Well I am here to blog to say it was quite possibly the most RIDICULOUS and humiliating thing I have EVER EVER done. I can't believe I passed up having lunch with family to do this joke.

I find the location which is conveniently located in the old semi ghetto area of our town, I pull up and think to myself... God I better freaking lose 20 inches for dis shiiiit.

I walk in the doors and to my left is a living room, just like any normal living room in any given house. A TV from 1995, a few exercise bands and balls and a large women wrapped in ace bandages with a red super hero cape dancing to Richard Simmons or something of the like. 

Again, WTF did I sign up for?

But I couldn't pull myself away with the 20 inch loss dangling over my head. They have me sign some papers, ask me what areas I would like them to concentrate on. How about my whole damn body- that's what I am here for.

They took me back to a little room where I dressed down to my skivvies while the wrap technician (is that what they would be called) transformed me into a mummy in all of 5 minutes. Then she broke out the plastic bags on my feet rubber banded to my ankles and stylish red crocs were slid on like Cinderellas glass slipper. OH and for some reason, I didn't get the big red cape- I was given a bath robe. But dammit, the red cape would have made this story 100 times better.

And then I had directions. Yes strict instructions to go join the party in the "living room" and the more exercise I did, the more inches I would lose. Alright- I got this.

So here I am, hysterically laughing taking discreet pictures of myself and sending them to Chris swearing to him that this BETTER work for something and in return I get a text back that he was going to pee his pants laughing. Yes, I am sure this is just how he pictured his wife getting skinny...oh so sexy.

So with out further ado, here I am bring sexy back in all it's glory.

45 minutes of Richard Simmons Let's Get Physical dancing I was able to shed the wraps for a total loss of 8 inches. Or something like that. 
Will I ever do it again... HELL NO! But come on, admit it- I'm pretty damn sexy in this get up- huh?


Lisette said...

I can't stop laughing!!!!

Mãe Babada said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH... i read your blog for quite a while now, and i must say that i couldn´t read this post without leaving you a comment... seriously?!?!That was a place open to the public?!? eheheheh

And yes i agree you look damn sexy on those wraps......

Hugs and kisses

Sandra Coelho - Portugal

krousehouse said...


MK said...

HaaaaaaaaaaaaBwahhhhhaaaaaa! Awesome.

Nika M. said...

You are a much braver soul than I. hahahahaha.

But as long as you lost something, then it's sorta worth it, right?

Brie said...

Girl, you're a brave soul. LOVE it! And the story and memory of it alone is worth it for the 8 inches, right?

Jenna said...

you are hilarious!

Abigail said...

I needed this belly laugh today!!! You are so darn awesome and I swear to goodness I love how ridiculously honest you are. I love reading your blogs!!! Thanks for sharing your sexy pics!!! Kudos to you once again

Jill said...

hahahah TOO cute Ash! you are hilarious! Love you!

renfo82 said...

This is hilarious. Yes Hun very sexy. When I saw the Leslie Sansone walk away the pounds I was done. 8 inches is something. You probably laughed thOse off.

Pam McBride said...

Ahahahahaha!!! OMG!! Was it worth it???

Mrs. Payton said...

This is the most hilarious post I have read in a while. You are too much!

Nik said...

I just found your blog via Diana @ Hormonal-Imbalances and have been reading for like 3 days straight. This particular post brought me back to the once upon a time my college BFF and I had the bright idea to do the same thing...we went to Suddenly Slimmer (this was before Groupon and we were in! college! so we paid waaaay more than $49), got dressed up like mummys, laughed hysterically, ended up on a trampoline & ski machine (seriously) and lost 6" each. S-I-X. That's it. How pissed were we?! We went to Olive Garden afterwards. LOL.

Oh, and this was after we ate & drank everything in the state of North Carolina the night before since we were going to "lose it the next day" anyways.

Good times. LOL.

Love your blog!