Sunday, May 2, 2010


I feel like a horrible Mom. I don’t visit Nolan as much as I used to. I get so sad when I see no flowers at his spot. It just looks so dead. I mean the grounds are beautiful and his angel statue is there because of HIM. But it’s still hard to see no flowers at his stone. Nothing. It just looks empty. I miss doing his flowers and arranging new ones every month, it was one thing I looked forward to. I’m adjusting though and ‘starting’ to get used to it, just very slowly.

Val & Amys 034Val & Amys 037 Val & Amys 039

I also fell in LOVE with a house. The backyard faces the memorial garden and I would do anything to live so close to Nolan. I could blow him a kiss every single night. Now I just need to win the lottery, even if it was just $200,000. I would move RIGHT NOW.

Val & Amys 036 That's Nolan's Stone and the house you see in the background is for SALE!

Val & Amys 044 Leaving the Garden


The Blue Sparrow said...

I feel guilty too for not visiting Bryston's site as much as I'd like to. I feel like I'm slowly coming to terms too. Nolans site is goergous Ashley! *HUGS*

Maggie said...

That is beautiful Ashley! I feel sad when I see no flowers at Alexandra's grave too and I don't visit as often as I would like. (((HUGS)))

Maggie said...

It doesn't make you a bad Mommy! You are a fantastic Mommy and Nolan is lucky to have you as one. :)

Angie said...

There was someone on the PF forums who mentioned visiting their child every day and getting upset that her husband only visited once a week or so. I felt so horrible and guilty about that, we only visit Olivia's grave once a month or so, it's about an hour away and it just drains me emotionally.
Anyway, I've come to realize that you can't win with this mommy guilt. There will always be people who do things differently, or do more, than we do. But we just have to do what is right for us, I know our angel babies understand. :)

Angie said...

And it is beautiful. I love Nolan's angel statue.

Saffy said...

FAR from a horrible mom. Nolan knows that he is never far from your thoughts. You know that you love him. That's what counts.

Lovely angel statue, and yep, nice house!

Jenni-fa said...

Definatly ash, you are NOT a bad mom, the site is just where his journey ended. But you keep his memory alive at home, at work, in your blog, and with everyone you meet and that's what makes you a good mom :-)

ryansmom said...

Ashley, I love the statue! It is so beautiful. What a wonderful way to remember Nolan.

P.S. I haven't been around for awhile so I don't know how new it is but I like the new look of your blog.