Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Clear mind

Through the past few months I have met some really great girls. Girls that have been my backbone and ones that just "get it". I have realized since Nolan I have come to find out who my true friends are. There are just some out there that I look back on now since having a more clear mind and wonder why I am still friends. Why did I even continue to let it bother me back then? I guess I was too busy worrying about everything. Now I look back and think, what the hell...did they REALLY say or act like that. I obviously know not everyone knows how to act towards someone in my position. But for Christ's sake, selfishness is one thing I can't stand now. Some people had said the wrong things..but that is expected and forgiven. But somethings can't be forgiven, at least not right now.

As Amy (Kalli's Mom) said to me tonight:

um...because we don't have time to listen to peoples bull shit when we are doing the best we can to breath everyday!.....I really don't have the energy to talk to anyone but you right now because I can't take anyone else complaining about their lives or what they are doing"

I will say, EVERYONE (friends, nesties(I wish I could name you all), some family, and strangers) were SO supportive right when everything happened. I don't want this rant to overshadow this. The donations to Nolan, us, flowers, cards and numerous texts and messages were so thoughtful and I am forever grateful. This rant has to do with the few weeks after everything happened at a time the grieving really set in.

The few weeks after were some of the hardest and darkest weeks I had ever been through in my entire life.
I guess if I never have gone through loosing Nolan, I never would have put myself in these shoes UNLESS I had a close friend go through it. Then I would and I would be considerate and cautious of their feelings because I am their FRIEND!

Thank you to all you girls that have been SO supportive to me through this journey. The ones who didn't ignore me for your own selfishness. The ones who reminded me how special Nolan is to them still. The ones who let me talk about my true feelings with out harsh judgement. And the ones that I still talk to everyday. Thank you girls.


Beth said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often. Beth

cmatsukes said...

I agree you learn alot about people when things happen either good or bad their true colors shine I have had that experience alot.

Bree said...

I feel the same. Honestly, the only person I enjoy hanging out with now is my friend from support group. She's really the only one who gets it. All of my other friends are wrapped up in their own lives and have such seperate realities from me. It sucks when the phone calls, emails, cards, ect... stop coming in. I'm so glad you have Kalli's mom to commiserate with. Does she have a blog too?

Bluebird said...

I get it. Unfortunately.

As a side note, I'd love to know your nest name if you'd like to share. You can email me, I'm guitaristsgirl :) But I'm usually on SAIF since we did IUI w/ injectibles to conceive our twins.