Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Crap Week

This week just plain sucks. I can't say it any better or nicer.

9/09/09- Nolan's very first due date. The due date I put on the video I sent our family to announce our pregnancy. I was so EXCITED to have such a cool due date!

9/11/09- Nolan has been in Heaven for 3 months on this day.

9/13/09- Nolan's official due date that the Doctor changed after our first appointment.

I should be preparing for Nolan's arrival this week. Not mourning him from 3 months ago! I should be 40 weeks pregnant, huge as a house, complaining about being uncomfortable and anticipating the moment we get to rush to the hospital. And none of that is going to happen. I can't believe this week is already here and it's staring me strait in the face and it sucks. I said I couldn't wait for Aug & Sept to be over and just get through it, but I have a feeling I won't feel any better.

I.just.hate.this.

7 comments:

jamie said...

I am sorry you have such a rough week ahead of you. The hardest part of the due date for me was feeling like Vincent was in the past. I could no longer tell people I would have been expecting him in so many day. It made me sad the event made my pregnancy a past-tense thing. Of course the hubby says this happened right when Vincent was born... but something about the date was so hard. I know he will never be in my past. Obviously I can't explain this emotion because i am rambling.

My thoughts are with you this week. Take it day by day and minute by minute when you have to. I'm sorry things weren't different for all of us :(

Rachel H. said...

Sorry it's such a tough week...it looks like it starts here and goes down hill at least for this week, but maybe look at it like it's a turning point. Maybe it can be used as a date to know that you can move on and be strong. I know that's way easier said than done. I'll be thinking about you and praying for you this week! I know you can get through it!

Bree said...

I'm thinking of you too this week! Did you ever stop by and see the butterfly I made for Nolan?

Brie said...

I'm right there with you. My due date was 9-5-09 and I have been wanting that date to come and go as fast as possible..I do feel a bit lighter having passed my due date, but the hurt is still in my heart, the size of Texas. I have bawled more the past few days than I did immediately following our loss.

Hang in there. it'a all you can do for now. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. You're a survivor.

AKat said...

I have been reading for awhile and have never left a comment, but you have been heavy on my heart these past few days especially. I was praying for you on the way home from Bible study last week and a little yellow butterfly flew by my car. I know you are feeling so much pain right now. I can't imagine. I'm praying for you!
Anna

Shannon said...

Ashley, I'm sending you all the hugs possible to help you get through this difficult week.

amy said...

My sister-in-law shared these websites with me (she also has an angel baby). You may have already seen them but wanted to share in case you hadn't...

http://www.myveryownangel.org/index.php

http://www.ihavemyveryownangel.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/online/My-Very-Own-Angel/122733857963?ref=mf