Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Charlie

I sit here with an incredible amount of sadness and shock. I am questioning how our family can endure so much so fast. How much can we be tested- haven't we been through enough this year? Our faith feels stretched today as I write that we lost my brother Charlie today to a horrific car accident that took place on his way to work.

My mom drove past the accident on her way home from work and immediately called me because she said the car looked so much like Charlie's. I called work wondering if there was a trauma brought in even though I was already on my way to work. I was hoping Mom was just over reacting and this would be nothing. Mom & Dad were in a panic because Charlie wasn't answering his phone and that was unlike him. I got to work, Chris was heading to the accident scene and my boss called the other hospital to see if Charlie had gotten to work yet. Then everything started coming together. It was him.

I knew before we 'knew' because too many things matched up.

Chris got on scene and found out our worst nightmare had come true. He then escorted the State Trooper to our home to see my parents.
Charlie was a young and energetic 22 year old who could charm ANYONE. He had a laugh that was contagious and charisma that people latched to. Not a day went by that he was making someone laugh by his political passion and bizarre arguments. I was so proud of him when he graduated from the same Respiratory program I did and got the same award I was given . He gave the class speech just as I did 3 years prior and and even included Nolan in it. It was just 1 week after we buried Nolan. But I was so proud of him that despite my pain I even pinned him at his graduation. It meant so much to me.
He was Nolan's Godfather and he was simply amazed by Nolan when he met him and visited him so many times in the NICU. Charlie was and always will be the best uncle. I just wish I got to see him with his future niece or nephew. He was that AWESOME with kids.

Our family is in complete and utter shock. The events that led up to this late afternoon are more than we can digest. Charlie had passion for life, plans for the future and had so much going forhim. He was just so damn brilliant. So why him?
Today I lost my only brother, the GodFather to my son and a best friend. And life as we know it was once again flipped upside down and this journey of grief that is all too known is back for a visit for our entire family and extended family and friends.
God Bless you Charlie. Your sisters and Mom & Dad adore you and miss you more than you will ever know. Take care of my Nolan up there, he has the best respiratory therapist a lil guy could ask for.

I love you Charlie, I don't think I told you that enough.




133 comments:

Candace said...

I can't even begin to express how sorry I am to hear about your loss. I am thinking and praying for you and your family.

ryansmom said...

Ashley, I'm so sorry about the passing of your brother, Charlie. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. With my condolences and deepest sympathy~Lisa.

The Yauns said...

TEARS.......that's all I have is tears........

Mrs.Elik said...

I am praying for Charlie and your family tonight. I am extremely sorry for this tragic loss.

RIP Charlie.

Megan said...

My heart is breaking for you and your family right now. May God spare you of any more heartache. May he comfort you in the very difficult days ahead. Know that I'm praying for you and that I'll be thinking of you and your family.

-Megan

The Suburban Princess said...

I am so terribly sorry that you and your family are having to endure another loss.

Thinking of you all. ♥

Melissa said...

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Angie said...

I am heartbroken for you and saying lots of prayers for you and your family.

Lindsey said...

I'm so very sorry that you have to endure this. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Maddie said...

I am so sorry your family is facing this. Your brother sounds amazing. Thinking about you and your family.

Sarita Boyette said...

I am so sorry that your sweet brother is gone. You must feel like you are in a nightmare with all your family has been through.
My prayers are certainly with you, for comfort and peace from our Lord.

nrsrrt said...

Ash. I am so sorry about Charlie. Everyone he ever met fell in love with his quirkiness and zest for life. He was always smiling, and we will all miss him. But he knew you loved him, don't beat yourself up with thinking you didn't tell him enough; he knew. And he was proud of you too. Every once in a blue moon if we were on facebook at the same time he would IM me, and he would always make me smile. He was and is a great guy.

Morgan said...

I'm so sorry, Ashley. There are no words. xoxoxo

Mrs. Mother said...

I am just in tears for you. I am so sorry. Big hugs to you. There are no words, and I really do wish I could hug you in person. I am so sorry.

krousehouse said...

Oh my God. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't say how sorry. Ashley, I am heartbroken for you. Prayers and peace to your family.

Jacinta said...

Oh Ashley, I have tears for your handsome brother. I am so very sorry. Your family has been through so much.
At least he will look after Nolan for you although I wish they were both here. So very sorry.

Mitzi G. said...

I can not even imagine what you & your family are feeling or going thorough........all I can offer are my prayers & tears for your loss!

Saffy said...

Oh sweetie, sending you and yours big hugs from across the oceans. I'm so very, very sorry >:D<

The Florida Hogans said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss! Losing a sibling is heart breaking. We lost my brother in law 4 years ago and that was the most tragic thing. He was an automobile accident. My prayers are with you and your family during this time.

Booty said...

Ashley your family has been through more than one should have to in a lifetime this past year.
I wish you and your family peace during this difficult time and you will be in my thoughts and prayers as always.

Jessica said...

*hugs* Ashley, I am so sorry. I can only imagine the heartache and pain that you are feeling although I know how hard grief can be. Praying for your family and thinking of you.

Leslie said...

OH Ashley...I am literally sick to my stomach for you guys.This doesn't make sense and is unfair! Know that we are all with you and surrounding you-even though we are miles and miles away...

Until then, I am going to ask God to give you guys strength and comfort.

-Leslie (Black)

Federovich Family said...

My heart dropped when I read this. I am so sorry, that is the only thing I can even think to say. Your new little one is going to have so many angels looking after him/her. I know right now that might not be much but I hope later that will be a comforting thought. Keeping you and all of your family in my thoughts.

Jill said...

Ashley, I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you and I have so many tears. xoxo

Katy said...

I'm so sorry Ashley.

Julie said...

Oh God, Ashley. I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss. Words mean so little at times like these, so all I can do is pray for you and your family. I'm hoping that can bring even just the smallest amount of comfort.

SgtEriksWife said...

I sit here with tears in my eyes and such heartache for you and your family, Ashley. What a beautiful post to honor your brother - and what a devastating reason it had to be written. Words cannot begin to convey my sadness for you... Please remember that I'm always here if/when you need me. -Lisa

Pam said...

Oh Ashley we are all just so sick and shocked over this. When Sean called to tell me I became so tingly-numb and nauseated. Not Charlie! It feels like a bad dream everyone wants so badly to wake up from. A sleepless night for so many, I'm sure. GCMC is reeling from this tragic loss of our beloved RT-family member. I just can't wrap my head around this senseless loss of such a kind young man with a future as bright as his constant smile. Despite all we endure in this career and in life, I never saw him in a bad mood. Always a contagious laugh, a pat on the back and an encouraging word. So wise beyond his years. We need more like him. We say "everything happens for a reason", but times like this show no reason or sense at all. Love & prayers to the Mottrams, Dowalibys, Kelli, and all who were fortunate enough to know and love Charlie. I'm sure he is holding Nolan tight and he will be the best Godfather Heaven's ever known.

Love,
Pam

m&msmommy said...

My goodness, it's so hard not to think, "God, when is enough ENOUGH for one family!?!?!?" I am SOOO sorry to hear of your loss. And although nothing I say will take away an ounce of your pain please know that a stranger in MD is praying for you and your family.

Love and prayers,
Christina Gomez

cmatsukes said...

Oh Ashley what can I say sadness tears anger that is what I feel. One Memory Mike and I used to laugh about Charlie was one day he was visiting your grandma& grandpa and he came over he wanted to walk Dudley well Dudley took him for a walk dont remember how old he was but he lost control of him and then Dudley started to just circle him and then bump him he fell down got up again and it all started again he was laughing so hard it was just so cute him and Dudley truly were buds. After that day he would come over and want to play with dudley, Miss that old big dog I hope that charlie and Dudley become buds again I am sure Dudley will look for him, and Sweet Nolan take care of your Special Uncle he loved you so much.
Love you Charlie, we will all miss you give strenght to your family to handle your tragic passing. Love Aunt Chris.

Dana said...

I am so, so sorry abut Charlie. I just feel sick for you, your family and Charlie.

I am thinking of and praying for you and your family.

Colleen said...

I am in tears and my heart hurts so much for your family. I wish I had words of comfort for you, but I know there is nothing that can be said to ease the pain of this horrible tragedy. Your family and Charlie are in my prayers. So very sorry for your loss.

Johanna said...

I thought, dreamed and prayed for you all through the night. I have no answers. There are no words. I had just met Charlie for the first time last month at the cemetary for the balloon release for Sweet Nolan. Again, there are no words. Just tears and prayers for comfort.

wendells said...

I'm so sorry Ashley

Azull said...

Oh Ashley, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

I'm so sorry for your loss, please let me know if you need anything.

{{{HUGS}}}

Sara B said...

Ashley, I'm so sorry. This is a terrible tragedy and you've already been through so much. I'm praying for your whole family.

Kimberly said...

I am so sorry Ashley. This just breaks my heart. I am sending all the thoughts and prayers I have to you and your family. (((hugs)))

Katie said...

Ashley, I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my T&P.

Monkey Meanderings said...

My heart breaks for you and the entire family! Words can't take away any of your pain, but I pray you can find a way to find some comfort in your heart. I look for the answer as to why and I just can't find it this morning; maybe Nolan needed Charlie.....I don't know. Much love to each and everyone of you.

Marie W said...

Oh Ashley. I am so sorry to hear this news. I know the pain you must all feel especially your parents. It is never easy to bury your son and brother. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Please pass along my condolences to your parents.

Lacey said...

Ashley my heart is broken for you and your family. I am extremely sorry for your loss. Charlie sounded like an amazing person and will be missed.

Tracy said...

Ashley. I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss. ::HUGS::

Mrs. W said...

I am so very sorry for your loss! My sincerest condolences to you and your family!!

klarsen said...

Ashley, I am so sorry. What a terrible tragedy. You and your family are in my prayers.

Just Breathe said...

Ashley, I am so sorry. This is so tragic and my heart is heavy with your sorrow. My prayers are with you and your family. If I can do anything to help please let me know.

Jennifer said...

I am truly sorry for the loss of your brother. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through but I pray that God holds your heart and your hand as you grieve.
I wish there was more I could say but I'm just truly sorry

Beth said...

This completely breaks my heart. I am so sorry Ashley. Life can be so unfair at times. ):

Thinking and praying for you hun. Hang in there.

Iled and Nick said...

I'm sitting here in shock, tears and heartache. I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. ::Hugs::

Sally said...

Ashley-Lots of tears here. I'm so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Nolan has a new angel with him.

Jus and Kat said...

What a devastating loss. I am so sorry.


Kat @ In Dylan's Memory

Fanny said...

Reading this beautiful piece about Charlie and knowing what you and your family have already gone through reminds me how strong you are, and how lucky Nolan was to have you as his mommy.
I know Charlie knows you love him - don't doubt that.
I send my thoughts and prayers to you and your entire family.
And since I can't hug you in person, I am sending you a virtual one.

belle said...

oh ashley! i wish i had the magic words to fix it..... i'm so sorry. the love for and from a beloved brother knows no words, it can only be felt and experienced. i am so sorry, so sorry. so incredibly heartbroken for you.

(((hugs))), prayers and lots of love.

Victoria said...

I am so so sorry, I can't even imagine your pain

Alise said...

I'm so sorry for you loss! My thoughts and prayers are with your family during this difficult time!
With deepest sympathy!

Katie said...

Ashley... I am so so sorry. All of my thoughts are with you right now. Lots of hugs...

Jane said...

omg ashley. i am so sorry. i didn't even know your brother but your post had me in tears. you guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

Amanda and Bernie said...

I'm so sad to read this Ashley. Your family is in my thoughts.

modom3278 said...

My heart breaks for you and your family, Ashley! I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. You have had far more than your fair share of tragedy. Lots of hugs and prayers for you and your family.

. said...

I will be lifting your family up in prayer. RIP Charlie

Kristin said...

I am so, so sorry. Charlie sounds like an amazing guy. Thinking of and praying for you and your family. You're right, this just isn't fair.

Christinie said...

I am so so sorry. You're entire family is in my prayers. You have my deepest sympathy. There are no words....

Jennifer said...

Sweet friend, I am praying for your family. I have been in those shoes and it hurts so badly. There are no words...just many prayers.

Adventures of Kelli & Joey said...

My heart crumbles at the sight of this post. I'm so very sorry to you, your family and friends for the loss you are experiencing. This is incredibly sad.

Karin said...

I am so very sorry, Ashley. Many prayers going up for you and your family.

Rachel said...

I worked with your brother for a while at Culver's in Mason when we were both in High School. He was a wonderful guy. I know he will be greatly missed. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Carly said...

Ashley, I am so sorry for the loss of your amazing brother Charlie. You are your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Sending you lots of prayers and love, Carly

nsees said...

My heart breaks for you and your entire family to experience yet another tragic, horrible loss. Prayers and hugs sent!

Lori said...

I am so, so, so very sorry. There are no words that can convey and I just pray for peace and strength for you and your family. What a wonderful young man your brother was and what a gift and joy he must have been to all those who knew him.

Much love and many prayers.
xoxo

MM4ver said...

hi,
you do not know me but I have been folloing your blog for a while. I just want to express my deepest saddness to you. And to tell you I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My brother, Callen, was killed in a snowboarding accident on Valentines day this year, he was 21. I still cry almost daily, it has been 5 months today.
You will be in my prayers,
Megan

Jeremy said...

I learned of your loss just moments ago through a friend on twitter, of all places. You do not know me, but please know that people everywhere--both familiar and complete strangers--are sending you warmth and sympathy. I understand sudden, unthinkable loss - my family has seen its share - and I hope that you and your family can find peace in celebrating the life and the love your brother was blessed with, and that as a result, you were blessed with, too.

Tami said...

Ashley, I am so very sorry. Sending you extra hugs and prayers today. I'm sure that Charlie and your sweet Nolan will be watching over you and your family. xoxoxo

Maggie said...

Ashley, I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. I am thinking of you and your family.

erika said...

Ashley,
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

pickthepineapple said...

Ashley, my heart is breaking for you. Your family has endured so much already, and it seems so wrong to lose someone so young. God's plan is definitely a mystery sometimes. I know that Charlie and Nolan will take care of each other. Prayers to you and your family. xoxo Ashley aka orfinani

Mrs. Hoppy said...

I am so sorry for your loss Ashley, I am thinking of you and your family during this. It's just not fair.

Antoinette said...

My heart is broken and I can not imagine the pain you are enduring...I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.....***TEARS TEARS TEARS** ARE FALLING AS I TYPE AND READ THIS TO YOU.....My thoughts are with your parents....they have been incredible through your whole ordeal and I wish them peace....I am so so so so so sorry =***((((((((((((

hope said...

my heart is so heavy for you and your family. i was reading this verse earlier this morning:
Zephania 3:17
17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

i know there is not rejoicing now - but i pray that you will be able to find some quietness in your spirt through God's love.

i am so very sorry for your loss.

johannaknip said...

I'm so, so sorry about your brother. Your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

u_talk2much said...

Oh Ashley, I am so sorry for your loss. We just lost someone unexpectedly that was near and dear in our hearts. I can't imagine losing a sibling! You are in my prayers!

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

I am so so sorry. I can't believe we aren't exempt from loss after all we've already been through. Praying for you & your parents.

Mina said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family...

Jeannie said...

My thought and prayers are with you and your family today and in the coming days.

AlaskanAlison said...

My heart breaks for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Michelle said...

Ashley I am so sorry that your family has had to endure so much heartbreak. It is not fair!!! Charlie sounds like he was an amazing person! All I can say is her is going to serve a greater purpose up there. Heaven is so lucky to have him up there now!!! I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Betsy & Kurt said...

I am so, so sorry to hear about your brother, Ashley. Your family has had to go through more in one year than any family should have to go through in a lifetime. I am thinking of and praying for all of you in the coming days!

Stephanie said...

I can't type through the tears...I am so sorry...no words are good enough.

Praying for your family.

Mom2BandC said...

I'm so sorry for you and your family. Sending Prayers your way!

Andrea said...

*tears* My heart is broken for you and your family. You have been through so much grief with losing Nolan and now to lose your brother. Oh honey, I'm so very sorry and my heart just aches for all that you have endured.

I don't know how you wrote all these beautiful words during such a difficult time, but am so happy that you shared Charlie with us. I can see just how much he meant to you and just how wonderful he is.

Holding you in prayer and lifting you up in the days and months to come.

Much Love
Andrea

Robyn said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My heart is breaking for your wonderful family.

Jill said...

Ashley, I am so terribly sorry...there are no words. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Christy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family during this horrible time. It sounds like Nolan has a wonderful person there to make him smile & laugh. They have each other now and they will forever be watching over you and your family.

SWiltenburg said...

I am so, so sorry for your incredible loss. You are in my prayers.

rebekahlblack@gmail.com said...

my mind has not stopped thinking of you since i heard the news. i feel so far and like i cant help. just know we are thinkni' of you constantly and praying for you a lot. charlie.. ooh charlie in the car with the strings tied to the windshield wipers!! best story ever. he is in such great hands and lovin on those that have gone before him. <3

erin. said...

Ashley,

I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers & condolences go out to you and your entire family. God bless all of you always.

Love & Prayers,
Erin

Jen J. said...

omg ashley...i'm so sorry to hear this. my thoughts & prayers are being sent to you & your family. i'm so sorry. :(

Jennie said...

I can not express in words how sorry I am to hear about the passing of your brother. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing so many people are thinking about and praying for you and your family. Sending love and hugs as well.

Brooke said...

Ashley, I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother Charlie. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lisette said...

Oh Ashley, I am so sorry. I can't begin to tell you heart broken I am for you and your family. Please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))

Sarah said...

My heart aches for you and your family right now. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sarah said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. :( I don't even know you and the tears just wont stop. Hugs and prayers go out to you and your family Ashley...

toriebartee said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I just stumbled across your blog and just want to let you know you are in my prayers.

Kristie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tina said...

Oh Ashley I am so sorry for you and your family. I know nothing I say will make you feel better, but please know I am thinking of you all. xx

croleyc69 said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking and praying for your famly and in the days to come.

{{HUGS}}
Caroline

Lauren said...

My heart us broken for you and your family. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lots of love,
Lauren

Emmy said...

Ashley, wishing there were words to comfort you. Be we all know there are none. We'll be lifting you and your family up to the Lord so He can offer His perfect comfort. Mia Spiker (don't know if you know her, she's a fellow BLM)wrote something on Facebook yesterday that I thought of immediately when Lisette posted about your heartache. "Missing you is easy. It's waiting to see you again that's hard."

Thinking of you...

Evan's Mommy said...

Ashley I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful brother. My heart breaks for you. I know that Charlie and Nolan are together in Heaven and that the only thing they feel is joy and happiness. I will continue to pray for the Lord to comfort you and your family.

Kalialani said...

I am SO sorry about the loss of Charlie. It's COMPLETELY UNFAIR! I don't know him or you but it's quite obvious that you love your brother VERY much and he was SUCH a good Uncle to Nolan. I'm praying for your brother and will light a candle for him tonight. I'm also praying for you and the rest of your family. I'm SO sorry.

Monica said...

My heart is broken for you. I'm so sorry!!

Pandesaldreamer said...

I'm so sorry Ash. I can't believe this. I'm in utter shock. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. (((hugs)))

JenJen said...

I am so sorry. There are just no words ((HUGS))

Lareina said...

Ashley, I am so so sorry... You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Bug hugz!

Emily said...

Oh my God. I think I actually said it out loud when I read your post. I'm so incredibly sorry. It's so unfair that you lost your son and now your parents lost theirs. Mirror images of loss like this should just not be allowed.

Jayme said...

Oh my goodness, NO! This so isn't fair :(
You and your family are in my thoughts, as always, Ashley.

AnnaMarie said...

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Your post about your brother is beautiful and is a testament to your love for him.

Thinking of you and your family.

Once A Mother said...

there are no words for the sadness that i feel in learning of the passing of this amazing young man. i am so sorry for the loss of your brother. so very, very sorry. praying for you.

Baby Love said...

I am so sorry to hear about another tragic loss that you must endure. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Please make sure you take care of yourself during the tough time, both for you and that beautiful little one.

Hanen said...

oh no. I'm so so sorry. xxx

Cape Girl said...

I am so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this horrible time.

renfo82 said...

I saw Ann's post about your brother but was not sure of which blog was yours. I wanted to send you my condolences and to let you know that I am praying for you and your family. I pray for support and comfort for today and the many days to come. Talisa

Jaime said...

Oh Ashley,

My heart absolutely aches for you and your family.

Even in your darkest moments you write with such honesty, love and warmth. Your love for Charlie shines through your ever single word. It is easy to tell that your relationship is a special one that will last your lifetime.

Much love to you,
Jaime
xo

amy said...

my heart is breaking for you and your family. I can't even imagine.

Queen Flip Flop said...

I am so sorry for your loss of your brother. He sounds amazing.

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

I am so sorry. Praying for you and your family...

MK said...

I just came over from "After Matilda" to say that I'm so sorry. You've written an amazingly thoughtful and loving post about your brother and I'm heartbroken for you and your family.

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Hannah Rose said...

I am so, so utterly heartbroken for you. Praying for comfort and peace that passes all understanding for you and your family.

DeniFay said...

I'm here from Katy and am bawling my eyes out! Losing my sister is my worst nightmare, so I can't even begin to imagine your heartbreak. I wish I could just wrap my arms around you! Please know that your family is in my prayers.

Jen said...

Oh Ashley, I am so so sorry to read this. praying for your family..

Shandrea said...

I am here from katy's blog and i just wanted to send you my deepest sympathies and love to you and your family. Know that you will be in my prayers.

Natalie and Lee said...

Speechless... Praying for your family.... I have been following your blog, so I feel like I know you... My heart is breaking for you.. I am so sorry...

Holly said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of Charlie. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers during this difficult time. I know words are inadequate... ((hug))

The Blue Sparrow said...

Oh Ashley, I am just reading this, I am so so sorry for your loss! Sending prayers your way. (((HUGS)))