HaPpY BiRthDaY to Me!
Even though I don't feel 'as' happy as I should be, I am thankful I am actually pregnant for my birthday. It's amazing to look back on the past 4 birthdays and see how much has changed.
My 24th birthday I was celebrating my Golden Birthday. I think it was the biggest birthday party I have ever had.
My 25th birthday was the year I got married. One weekend was my Pirate Birthday party that I shared with one of my good friends. The next weekend was a bridal shower. I was so excited it was the age I was finally getting married! It was going to be a great year.
I swear, we were all dressed as pirates. Don't ask but the party was a BLAST!
My 26th birthday was spent grieving Nolan. I should have still been pregnant, shouldn't be able to drink wine and should be the happiest girl in the world. Instead I moped around in tears and wishing I had Nolan with me, in my belly. Since Chris had gone back to work that week, my best friend threw a very small game night at home and made me a funfetti birthday cake.
And here I am at 27. I'm stuck on how to feel. It's hard because I said I would be so happy if I made it to my birthday still pregnant. And I have made it. Vicki my u/s tech gave me the greatest gift of all and told us it was a boy and a healthy looking one at that. But then on the other hand, how can I be so happy when just a week and a half ago I lost my baby brother? I'm still grieving that- obviously.
2 Birthday's in a row that grief is so new and fresh. So when people ask what I want for my birthday, I can't help but think...
"Duh, isn't it obvious? I wan't Nolan and Charlie back here with me"
It's just not logical and I have to attempt to enjoy this day for what it is. I am 27, one year older and still alive. I have a big & so far healthy baby boy growing inside of me. I have family to surround me today. And in the big picture, Charlie wouldn't want me to be sad today, he would want me to feel happy. So that's what I am going to try to do.
Be happy. Be Thankful.