Saturday, July 24, 2010

27

HaPpY BiRthDaY to Me!
Even though I don't feel 'as' happy as I should be, I am thankful I am actually pregnant for my birthday. It's amazing to look back on the past 4 birthdays and see how much has changed.

My 24th birthday I was celebrating my Golden Birthday. I think it was the biggest birthday party I have ever had.

My 25th birthday was the year I got married. One weekend was my Pirate Birthday party that I shared with one of my good friends. The next weekend was a bridal shower. I was so excited it was the age I was finally getting married! It was going to be a great year.
I swear, we were all dressed as pirates. Don't ask but the party was a BLAST!
My 26th birthday was spent grieving Nolan. I should have still been pregnant, shouldn't be able to drink wine and should be the happiest girl in the world. Instead I moped around in tears and wishing I had Nolan with me, in my belly. Since Chris had gone back to work that week, my best friend threw a very small game night at home and made me a funfetti birthday cake.


And here I am at 27. I'm stuck on how to feel. It's hard because I said I would be so happy if I made it to my birthday still pregnant. And I have made it. Vicki my u/s tech gave me the greatest gift of all and told us it was a boy and a healthy looking one at that. But then on the other hand, how can I be so happy when just a week and a half ago I lost my baby brother? I'm still grieving that- obviously.

2 Birthday's in a row that grief is so new and fresh. So when people ask what I want for my birthday, I can't help but think...

"Duh, isn't it obvious? I wan't Nolan and Charlie back here with me"

It's just not logical and I have to attempt to enjoy this day for what it is. I am 27, one year older and still alive. I have a big & so far healthy baby boy growing inside of me. I have family to surround me today. And in the big picture, Charlie wouldn't want me to be sad today, he would want me to feel happy. So that's what I am going to try to do.
Be happy. Be Thankful.

30 comments:

croleyc69 said...

Happy Birthday !! Hoping you have many blessings today and always.
{{HUGS}}

Caroline

ryansmom said...

Happy Birthday, Ashley! I hope in the midst of all this grieving you are able to find some happiness today and always. Charlie and Nolan are celebrating your special day with Angel Food Cake. (((Hugs)))

ryansmom said...

P.S. Thanks for sharing about my sign from heaven. It brought a smile to my face. I hope your family thought it was incredible too.

Just Breathe said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY :)

Karin said...

Happy birthday! Hope your day is a great one! I love the walk through your last few birthdays with pictures and what you were feeling at the time.

Carolyn said...

Happy Birthday Ashley!!

Christinie said...

Happy BIRTHDAY!! May you have many blessings in the new year!!

Andrea said...

Happy Birthday! I know you are suffering from a host of emotions, so go easy on your sweet self. You are never far from my prayers.

I can only imagine that Charlie and Nolan are celebrating your day with you from above.

Much Love as you continue on.

Jill said...

Again, Happy birthday to you Ashley! I love your pictures you posted! I hope to talk to you again via texts sometime soon, but I do know you have alot going on. I am always thinking about you & I wish you the very best! Your cake your friend made you is absolutely beautiful!

Lori said...

Thinking of you and hope you have a gentle day with some special memories! I always feel weird now wishing 'happy' birthdays...especially so soon after such sad losses in life...so I just pray for yours to be a sweet day with lovely friends and family...and that as more follow in the years to come, happiness will just automatically exude!
xoxo

Victoria said...

Happy Birthday Ashley!

Jen J. said...

happy birthday - I hope you can find some joy & happiness in this day. congrats on the little boy!!

Evan's Mommy said...

Happy Birthday, Ashley. Lots of love always.

Diana @Hormonal Imbalances said...

Oh Ashley, your view on life continues to amaze me. You just keep plugging along, determined to see the good and the future ahead of you. You are the strongest person I have ever had the pleasure of reading about. I admire you so much.

Happy Birthday.

Holly said...

Happy Birthday Ashley! Looks like you've had some really fun parties in the past! I like the pirate theme. :)

I think that's what our loved ones would want for us-to be happy.

Katie said...

Happy Birthday Ashley!!

Jaime said...

Happy Birthday Ashley! I hope your day was filled with a few smiles through your tears and that your 27th year brings you and your family a lot of peace.

xo

Cape Girl said...

Happy Birthday!

Pam said...

Happy birthday Ash. Your boys are watching over you and wishing you a great day. xoxo

SassySillySpunky said...

I also turned 27 yesterday! Happy (late) Birthday! Hope your day turned out well. I've been thinking about you a lot!

elena said...

Happy Belated 27th birthday!!!

Maggie said...

Happy Birthday Ashley!!! Been thinking of you a lot! (((HUGS))))

renfo82 said...

Happy Belated Birthday Ashley. I pray that you were able to find some happiness yesterday and always. My birthday wish for you is peace and hope during a difficult time.
Talisa

valerie said...

ashley happy birhtday to you. You are a stong lady and I hope that you can have some happiness today. I think of you every time I see anythng nautical...unreal...since I do not even know you and I have not followed your blog for too long. I send my heartflet thoughts for you about the recent loss of your brother. I have been away from the computer for a few weeks and was sad to read your post about it. hugs to you and again happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear ashley happy birthday to you.

valerie said...

Oh and I love your new diaper bag...super duper cute!

佳瑩佳瑩 said...

let us be happey everyday!!..................................................................

Bluebird said...

I'm in tears for you. Heartbroken for all you've been through, but SO happy that you're pregnant on your birthday. I have a good feeling about this little guy :)

Twee Poppets said...

New follower here! Hope you can come visit me, too! :)

http://tweepoppets.blogspot.com

Happy belated birthday!!!

Hannah Rose said...

Happy Birthday to you! My twin brothers turned 26 on July 24th.

Debbie said...

Happy Birthday, Ashley. <3