Thank you for all your comments and messages. I feel a lot better after talking it out and blogging and even sleeping on it. I wish it was easier to explain. I know it’s easy to say.. “do what YOU want” but it’s not that easy in this case.
I promise something will still be done. I would never let it go unrecognized.
But the vision I had was just too much for us. I do look forward to sharing what we decided on. It will be very small in nature but big in love and perfect for Nolan.
As much as I would love to throw a big bash and have a big birthday cake and sing to him. I think our solution is better. It was actually my 2nd idea, I just had to convince Chris that it would be perfect and not too much. We like it, family likes it and Nolan would have loved it.
When I tend to vision things, I vision big. Most the time it works out, this time it didn’t. That’s okay though. I think in my mind, nothing was going tt be big enough or perfect enough for the lil guy. As much as I love to throw a good big party, this one is meant to be different.
Thank you again for all your thoughts and comments, it really helps when you know people understand and don’t hold it against you that you have these thoughts. It’s just part of that new normal, not self pity (been accused of that in the past). I promise that one.
6 comments:
I am glad it sounds like you at peace with your decision, I tend to think big as well so that comment made me smile. Whatever you do will be amazing!
As Melissa said, whatever you do will be amazing. I can't wait to hear about it. I am sure Nolan will be surrounded with love.
PS I don't know if I have ever mentioned before that I simply love the name Nolan. It is so sweet.
Big or small-whatever you do will be full of love for him.
I agree! Whatever you decide to do will be wonderful and just perfect!
I have been following your blog for a while linked from an infertility blog. I have not lost a baby but have had a long struggle with infertility. I just wanted to let you know I think you are such a wonderful momma and I am sure Nolan feels this love in Heaven.
Whatever you decide to do will be perfect as long as you follow your heart. My little boy was born in September which I think is when your little one was origninally due. Reading your blog and unknowingly having been pregnant the same time as you makes me feel connected.
I hope this does not sound weird but every time you post about missing Nolan or wanting to hug him I make sure to hug my little man extra for you.
I know I don't even know you but I feel like I am able to express the love of Nolan through my baby. Okay maybe that sounds weird and maybe you think I am weird but I just wanted to let you know I think you are a wonderful mother and I recognize how special and amazing your son is.
I really can't wait for the post that says Nolan is going to have a baby brother or sister! I will be praying for you through your next pregnancy and I am also holding a special place in my heart for Kerry.
I am so sorry for your loss. I to lost a baby he made it to 5 months old but then we lost him to a neuromuscular condition. Im sorry you are going through this pain. We had a party for our little one on Monday for his birthday. Sent balloons to heaven. If only we could do more. Sending hugs and prayers that you will feel at ease with your decision.
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