Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Walking Guilt

With the approaching walk for March of Dimes this weekend, I am starting to feel loads of guilt for not planning on being there participating. What is my problem? Why do I have such a huge fear of the kind? Is it the amounts of strollers filled with babies that Nolan should have been? Or is it all the shirts that show the NICU grad baby on it? What is it?!

All the blogs I follow of Moms of ‘my kind’ are picking up their shirts they all had made and writing about the upcoming walk. I’m just sad I couldn’t find my big girl panties on and go walk myself. I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only Mom without a stroller. Maybe it would have been a good place to connect with others. Maybe I should have thought about this sooner. Now I am scheduled to work during the walk. So is that my excuse now?

I am so thankful that I have 2 friends walking for Nolan. Christina, has walked the past few years and has dedicated this years walk to Nolan. I am looking forward to hearing all about it, see her shirt she has had made and see all the pictures from the walk on Saturday.

I just wish I had the emotional strength to go walk for something I feel so strongly about. It’s so much easier said than done. I know so much has been donated in Nolan’s name and that makes my heart melt that so many individuals remind me constantly how much they think of Nolan. Thank you everyone! I know me walking wouldn’t change all the money we had raised, but the reward would have been heart felt. Too bad I let my emotions win a lot of the battles. That’s okay though to be weak at some things, I can’t make it all happen. Right?

If you haven’t donated yet or were thinking about it, there is still time. Every dollar counts and every time a dollar is donated it reminds me how someone else thought of Nolan.

I am still pretty impressed we have raised $1,106. I hope to see it grow a little bigger come Saturday morning.

12 comments:

wrensmommy said...

what you've done is amazing! over $1000!

magdalina said...

My best friend feels very guilty that she can't drive down to Indy to walk with us.This is what I told her and I hope it helps you too. Just because you aren't walking doesn't make others think you love Nolan any less. It doesn't mean that you don't miss him. You ARE helping the cause by raising money! You ARE helping to fight pre-maturity. If you are like me, you'll help fight every year and next year may be your first year to talk and that's OKAY! Nolan is PROUD that you are his mommy and for everything that you're doing!

Antoinette said...

I was afraid to walk too...but I wanted to do something for Alyssa and all the angels...I added Nolan's name to my poster for all Alyssa's friends so I too will be walking for him....and your cousin's baby...we raised so much money and i only decided this 5 days ago as well..the anxiety is VERY high..and im sure im going to cry but i will be meeting 2 of the moms on bbc that i have connected with and we will do this walk holding each others hands..xoxo

Jayme said...

Raime was stillborn in 2001- NINE years ago- and this is my first year walking. Don't feel bad!

Lisette said...

It' OK that you are not walking. I have our walk this weekend too and I am scared as well. You have done an amazing job in raising money, way to go!!! Nolan must be so proud of his mommy right now. I can't wait to see your pictures, you have amazing friends,((HUGS))

Angie said...

I don't think you should feel bad either. I'm really not a fan of the March of Dimes, I won't get into why here, but I don't think you should feel bad.

EvansMommy said...

Don't feel guilty for not walking. You've done a great thing just by raising so much money to help the cause. Our walk was supposed to be last Saturday but we had several days of rain so it got moved to May 8th. I look forward to honoring Nolan by walking in his memory.
xoxo
Bree

Maggie said...

Oh Ashley, don't feel bad for not walking! I'm not sure if it makes you feel any better, but I'm starting to worry about Sunday. I'm thinking about seeing all those babies & strollers and it's like, know what Mag, maybe you didn't think this through! You've done an excellent job raising money though & you're doing an even better job being Nolan's mommy! :) (((HUGS)))

Jaime said...

Ashley!! Look at all that you have done to support the MODWFB!! You are raising money and have friends walking for Nolan! That is amazing and truly commendable. You will not physically be there but I think it is pretty safe to assume that in every other way possible you will be there.

And if and when you find your big girl panties, I hope they have anchors ALL over them! ;)

xo

Beth said...

Don't beat yourself up about walking. It's totally understandable. I don't know if I could say that I would even walk in it if I was in your position. The fact that you have raised over $1000 is amazing!

By the way, I was at Target last night and thought of you. In their dollar bins they have all kinds of ocean critter stuff. I didn't see anything directly with an anchor on it but there was a blue picture frame with a whale and I want to say a crab on it. I seen it and the first thing that popped in my head was you and Nolan. <3

babyrndeb said...

It's OK not to be walking...sometimes it is just too painful. As time makes the crack in your heart not so big...then you can walk.

Miche said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one. For some reason I haven't been able to do it yet. Is that strange? Probably but maybe one day.