Well tomorrow is my birthday and there is only 1 thing I want for my birthday this year. We all know what that is, and it is impossible to make happen, so I just sit here in a "rut".To make it worse, Chris works tomorrow night. Last years birthday was crazy and fun and when I thought of this years birthday, I thought..."Wow this will be the first birthday we keep it low key, maybe a nice dinner" But that was 3 months ago when I thought that. That was when Nolan was still growing in my belly and we still thought he was healthy as can be. That was when I felt no anxiety & worry. It was before I knew Nolan was measuring small. It was the happiest time of my pregnancy. It was when I still had carefree excitement, before I recieved these "new shoes" I now wear.
In the past year, I turned 25, had my bridal shower, bachelorette party, went on a cruise, got married, got pregnant, celebrated my first Mother's Day, had a son, became a Mother and buried my son. All of the good things are still good, but the one bad thing over shadows it all. I hope the ripe age of 26 brings me a happy year, I need it. The age of 26 will bring me a lot of empty milestones without Nolan. I am not looking forward to these. I have a feeling this year will be an empty year.
Little did I know, my birthday would be spent without Nolan. I NEVER ever ever thought this would happen to us, but it did. "Never say never"
So my birthday wish for this year....
Well I can't tell you or it won't happen. Sorry.