Guest Blog: Beth Anne from The Heir to Blair

Friends, meet Beth Anne aka BA

(Hiiiii Beth Anne..)

She lives inside my computer screen, somewhere north of Florida (totally wish we lived closer). We go back to the days of 1st Tri message boards and "siggy pics" over 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Nolan and she was housing wee Harrison. She was on her 2nd pregnancy and mine on my first. And here we are 2 years later missing our first's and thanking every blessings for our seconds and blogging through our emotional mountains. But there is that lingering thought... are we the only ones that remember our firsts?

Thank you BA for sharing your "emo and gloomy" feelings over here because well, we are allowed to have these days, thoughts and moments. It's just another example where I can say "me too".

There goes my "comical intro that I intended to write"... now lets all hug and sing "Kumbaya"

Visit BA over at Heir to the Blair where she her self admits she's a "Over-sharing extraordinaire", shares her journey with miscarriage, postpartum depression and raising Harrison.

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Lord, make me a rainbow
I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe

with You when she stands under my colors
Oh, & life ain’t always what you think it ought to be
Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby
~The Band Perry, “If I Die Young”

It has been almost three years since I lost my first baby & sometimes I worry that I am the only one who remembers how that joy of pregnancy & heartbreak of loss felt.

Three years later, I remember rolling over in bed that morning after joking to my husband that if I wasn’t pregnant this time, I did not know how anyone got pregnant. He shrugged & I gasped & held up the pregnancy test, saying “I think I am pregnant!” That little pink line flung open doors of my heart that I did not know existed & love flooded through my veins & heart until the little heart inside me also began beating with its own thump-thump rhythm.

Three years later, I remember lying back on the table, warm jelly & cold equipment pressed to my belly. My husband & I clasped hands through our smiles of joy, laughing over the tiny bean of life we created. Weeks of morning sickness & maternity jeans & a stroller chosen. A few scares, but always a reassuring heartbeat on the screen. We broke the happy news to family, friends, Facebook.

Three years later, I remember the terror gripping my heart as I stared at the blood, freely flowing. The tears in my voice as we rushed to the emergency room that dreary & cold Saturday morning, fitting for the events to take place. My tears flowed freely as the doctor confirmed that our baby, my baby that I had come to love so fiercely, was gone. The cramps & contractions ripped through my lower half as my heart split in two, but I laid back on the operating table & thanked both God & the doctor for the medicine to drag me under, away from the pain.

Three years later, I remember lying on the couch with a laptop perched on top of blankets & pillows. My fingers frozen as my mind wheeled, but my heart spilled onto the pages of the Internet & I labeled it “Empty.” I was empty. Alone. Terrified. Horrified. Angry. Hours spent in the shower, sobbing my grief & anguish despite a doctor’s assurance that the tiny life I carried had been very sick & this was “for the best.”

Time passed, snow fell heavy one weekend & three weeks later, we found ourselves expecting another baby. With steady joy but unsteady hearts, my husband & I relived pregnancy but this time, the same doctor that placed her hand upon my tear-filled cheek in the emergency room stood at the foot of the bed, holding my newly-born son. I cradled him, who we named Harrison, & felt that he was the greatest gift, bought at the highest price. Without losing our first baby, we would not have our beautiful, wild boy.

But it’s this same truth of the heart that turns my heart to my first baby, wondering if I am the only one that remembers that sweet life, cherishes the moments, rather than negating the loss for the gift of Harrison. Maybe it’s simply the heart of a mother to count all her little ones the same.

2am

New candles + pintrest on iPad + jet bath= one very relaxed me.


Surprisingly no Apple gadgets we're destroyed in the making of this instagram. And yes, I ghetto rigged a waterproof cover for my iPad. (takes a bow)

Gate night. Frick.

I debated on weather to share this little adventure tonight or not. But considering I spent the entire debacle laughing while Chris slammed his head into the steering wheel repeadily, I just have to.


The original plan was for me to wake up for work, kiss baby and husband good bye and work for 12 hours. That all changed when work called me off since we are in our slow season. Being that we are married, been together over 9 years (has it been 9 or 8?) and just had a baby- we didn't take advantage of it and turned it into a chore, errand and OMG we need to go buy baby gates type of night.


After chasing the baby around for a mere 20 minutes, I declared it was time that we needed to go buy baby gates. It was time to make this place into Fort Knox.


So let me set the scene-
I had to switch the huge convertible car seat to my car because Chris' truck has yard waste in the bed of the truck Switching it in 95+ temps makes it feel like you just did 5 zumba workouts in a row.


Chris on the other hand was dealing with the baby and strapping him in while I ran into grab my cell and purse. I saw that he didn't grab the diaper bag, but I wasn't going to either- it wasn't packed. Shoot, all I need is a diaper and wipes and those fit snugly into my purse. Wam Bam- out of here.


Do I need to bring a bottle? Naw, Chris was 2 seconds away from honking the horn to tell me to hurry it up. I did switch my shoes 3 times, couldn't locate my cell phone and had to find the wipes. Plus he did just eat at 4. He will be JUST fine. I have puffs in the car, it's only a trip to Babies R Us.


We bought 2 baby gates at Babies R Us, and since Target is next door I wanted to run in to grab a smaller pair of shorts considering mine are falling off me. I should be walking around holding my crotch like all the 'cool kids' at the mall to keep those suckers up. 


My Target trips are never an in and out. UNLESS you're with Chris. He rushes me. Anyone else have that problem? He doesn't get the "I wanna walk the back aisles to find usless crap" that is 30-50% off. Or the "what new outfits do the have now" or the "let's go look at the toy aisle." So we left, plus CC wasn't happy. I already opened the box of Mum Mum crackers to keep him quiet as we headed for the check out.


I don't even know what time it was by time we got to the car. 


We packed up, buckled up the kid. I took 3 min to find my cell phone and keys at the bottom of my purse and handed the keys to Chris.


Turn of the ignition- no start. Repeat. Repeat again. No luck. Just flashing dashboard with every try and a louder cry from the baby bc that chunk is HUNGRY.

Chris: 4 letter word (turns ignition again with desperation)
Me: Well....at least we are at Target. What do we need, water for the battery? 
Chris: Doubt it. 
Me: New battery?
Chris: Who the hell knows. (tries again for the 15th time) This time banging his head agaisnt the steering wheel, LOL!
Me: Should I go grab some distilled water? MAYBE the water needs to be filled again. AGAIN, we ARE at Target.
Chris: Let me check the oil first, do you have something I can use.
Me: Uhhhhh, here's a diaper. LOL
Chris: (Shakes his head and laughs)


In the meantime, CC is getting hot, angry and 2 seconds away from throwing a temper tantrum because he needs his bottle. Like NOW.
FRICK.
But wait... 
I started plotting my next shopping spree in Target knowing that one of our parents was going to have to come to our rescue and I needed to feed this baby from the formula aisle and THAT would be the excuse to peruse the store some more.
I was actually hoping we were stranded, Chris on the other hand was not the happiest. Not that it was my fault, he was just frustrated and a crying hungry baby wasn't helping. Me on the other hand, I admit I was laughing. 


It was bound to happen. I didn't grab a bottle. It was 95+ degrees out and of course it was SUPPOSE to be another quick errand. BAM. 


I unbuckled the kid, rents were called and I was grabbing my purse to go buy some formula and a bottle to feed the monster. JUST as I was walking away from the car, the sweetest 80 year old women asked if we needed a jump because she my friends has jumper cables, unlike us.


So we were saved. I sat in the back the whole way home sharing puffs with CC while I just had to laugh as I started drafting this blog in my head.


Next time- I'll grab the stupid bottle- even if he's not due to eat for another 24 hours. Ill grab the wipes even if he's been potty trained for 5 years. I think I have learned my lessons.....


Maybe.

But hey, at least we have gates now. Right? 

What kind of Mom am I?

What a loaded question. I can sit here behind the keyboard and tap out a perception of how I want you guys to see me and I can also let you use your imagination. I know when I read other blogs, I myself usually form an opinion or I tend to classify what kind of Mom they are and how I relate. It's inevitable in the blogging community and especially the mommy bloggers.

So I wonder... what kind of mom am I? Earthy? Perfectionist? Attached? Laid back?

Well here it is.

I am the Mom that wakes up, stumbles over dirty clothes to make it to the nursery.

I didn't find breastfeeding to have that bonding experience many spoke of, I instead played many levels of Angry Birds and perused FB. Maybe it's due to my lack of focus, I don't know. I lasted about 6 weeks before I busted out the formula with no shame. It was what was best for our family.

Oh and I can't forget the time I forgot to pay the power bill when he was 2 weeks old. That made for a long day.

I am the Mom who doesn't wash the pacifier off when it drops on the floor 95% of the time. Drop it on the Walmart bathroom floor- yes, of course I wash it off.

I tend to parent by the minute. I plan the things that don't really matter. I think months in advance about his Halloween costume or Birthday party. But I couldn't tell you what I am feeding him for dinner or when his next Dr's appointment is. Well, I know the month but I never know details until the Dr's office calls with the courtesy reminder. That thing was a savior when I was making weekly OB visits.

I'm the Mom that forgot wipes in the diaper bag one day. Ok, I didn't REALLY forget them, I just didn't feel like going back in the house to grab them considering we were running ONE- read that ONE- errand. Low and behold, he had a blow out. One where you have to roll the windows down. One where I was getting texts from Chris who was waiting in the parking lot while I ran into JoAnns begging me with all his mercy to come save him from the toxic fumes. You should have seen my face when I realized how bad it was and it was even worse when I chuckled through the "uhhhhh yeeeaaa, I didn't grab the wipes" That was a memorable moment. Although, I did use my resources and fixed him up and "saved the day"

I'm a Mom who feeds my kid baby food from a jar, I have yet to master the kitchen let alone organic pureed food. Fail. I'll be lucky to master the basics by time he starts eating real table food. Sloppy Joes for the 45th time, sure why not?!

I am a Mom who would rather play on the floor and get constant chuckles than make our bed or wash the floors. I start laundry and forget about it. I tend to do many double washes.

I'm guilty of turning on Elmo's World so I could unload the dishwasher. The kid has ADD built into his DNA, a little bit of a furry red puppet that talks in a high pitch voice is going to change that.

On the other hand, I am a Mom that takes every moment good and bad as a blessing. I thank up above that he is teething and wakes up 4 times a night. I look forward to early mornings when he starts to whimper and smiles when you go to get him. I wouldn't trade that moment every morning for the world.

I let him have licks of ice cream and frosting from my cake. I have a hard time letting him cry it out at nap time, those falling tears and red cheeks with the desperate look rips my heart in two. I'm a mom who sticks to a routine in terms of feeds and naps, it gives me control of something in my chaotic random ADD life.

I worry about things like his safety, future education, a roof over his head and food to put on the table. I won't fret over dirt and germs, it does the body good and he's a boy. Dirt is the definition of boys. I mean, I do have dirty geckos running around our house. (still haven't caught the sucker)

I see everyday as a blessing, as many of you do too. I complain and whine about a lot of things (ask Chris) and I am OCD about random things like tweezing my eyebrows. I don't wear make-up 75% of the time. I wait till there's nothing to wear until I do laundry. I use the dryer as an iron more often than not. I set reminders in my phone to pay bills so water and electric doesn't get shut off.!I'm so NOT perfect. I laugh at my mistakes.I know there's other things that are more important to me, like CC. Spending time with him, enjoying the good and the bad.
So if that means I need to unload the dishwasher, go ahead, watch Elmo baby boy- Big bird had me counting to 10 before all my friends. It's gotta be good for something.

And that's me in a nutshell. Simple, laid back and most of all random.

After proof reading this... I sure do sound like a whack that lives in a pig sty and doesn't pay her bills and lets CC play in dirt and not bath him while I am wearing a mumu, rollers in my hair and no make-up. HA!

Disclaimer: I in no way judge ANY type of parenting. Unless your driving with your kids unbuckled and leaving them home alone in a crib while you go out clubbing... then I judge.

Stupid (*&% gecko

Seriously, gecko's aren't cute. It's not warm and fuzzy, it doesn't have a cute face, it's ugly, slimy and down right gross. Why in the hell does that insurance company use that stupid thing for their commercials anyways. 

A few days ago, a stupid brown green gecko made it's way into our house. I couldn't trap it and it ran under the couch, or somewhere in that vicinity. I got distracted in the mist of the action and started to do something else.

And until today, I actually forgot about it. Sad I know, I just didn't have it on my mind that this creepy slimy lizard thing was running rampant in our house. 

Today, that stupid thing claimed our couch as it's throne. Just like that. Moved in. Got comfy. I mine as well give it the damn remote control while we're at it. Once again, we failed at catching it- so now I am living upstairs for the night. I have absolutely no desire to share the couch with that thing. It will probably creep up behind me and lick my ear or something while watching last weeks Bachelor Pad. GROSS.

Wish me luck in tomorrow endeavours to find and trap this sucker. Oh I am sure he has invited his posse, considering I left the slider open after letting the dog out earlier. (bangs head on wall repeatedly)

With my luck, I'll wake up in the middle of the night by my lizard stalker staring my in my face. 

I don't vlog, I get paid for photobooth photo shoots at 11:30pm

Que "Right Round" by Flo Rida.

Did I mention it took over a year to realize Flo Rida spelled FLORIDA.

I chickened out of doing a vlog so instead I did a photo shoot. I'm not going to confirm or deny that wine was involved.

Glass looks empty, right?

Ah crap, gotta throw in the Toddlers & Tiaras pose

Angry Face

Are there any crazy monkeys in here?

Am I getting paid for this shoot? Damn.

Dance face, watch out next year at Blogher. I'm gonna rock my awesome dance moves on roof top parties and people are going to just die laughing. I admit and own it!

Glass is still empty... So I claim. I'm playing pretend.

Ok, all done. I'm bored again.

Maybe I'll muster up enough gut to post a vlog of nothing. I just HATE the sound of my voice, but doesn't everyone.

Until next time...

Back to your regularly scheduled program, too bad I already forgot what I was doing 5 mins ago. 

A day in the life of...

12 hours of work during the hours that most sleep is when I am racking in my dough, if you want to call it that. It's a job and a job I love so I have no complaints. But a lot of people wonder how a night shifter adjusts to a normal schedule on days off, especially with babies & kids thrown in the mix. So here you go. My version.

WOOO HOOOO! 6:23am and I am OUT! I leave when it's dark out, well at least at this time of year. It's my absolute favorite. I dread the time change that makes it lighter earlier because it makes falling asleep a little more annoying.

This morning it was raining when I walked through the parking lot and got in my car, I love stormy & rainy mornings. It just aids in my beauty sleep- HA!. Although, I felt bad for all the kids starting school today, especially the poor kids stuck at bus stops. 

 Despite the start of school this morning, our street seemed dead. Although, the downpour of the rain just started.

 I checked on the chunk, took a quick shower and hopped into bed and stole the sheets from the husband who was dead asleep. (Nice wife I am) I tweeted a bit, in fact I tweeted how I was going to sleep because the baby was fast asleep. 2 seconds later- I ate my words. Ever since this teething thing started, he sleeps no later than 7. Chris woke up with him so I could grab a few hours of sleep before I try to function the rest of the day. The last thing I want to do it waste the WHOLE day catching up on sleep. Yet, there are some mornings where we just have too much to do and that leads into one of those 24+ hour days, not that they come often- but they do.

 Chris and CC woke me up around 11. We hung around playing on in the living room. This kid is on the move, not only crawling but starting to pull up on the couch. Chris wanted to get out of the house so we decided to hit the mall. I had a few gift cards burning a hole in my purse and I needed to spend them before my ADD self forgets where I put them.

 Those shorts I bought at my biggest, size "well it doesn't matter" and they keep getting looser and looser. I'm sure one of these days they will fall off in the middle of Target while trying to carry CC, purse, bags and SLIP... I'm just waiting. It happens all the time at home. But I am being too stubborn to buy new ones until I get down to a size I'll stay at. Although, this is 18.5lbs down from the beginning of June- not too shabby. Yes, that is my cluttered & unorganized bathroom- enjoy.

 CC sported his new kicks from Aunt Monies, his fat little feet need size 4's in order to fit his foot. It's not that his feet are as long as a 4, just fat as a 4. 

 So a couple weeks ago, I dropped my iPhone for the 145,087,000th time and it finally took a hit. See those attractive spider web shattered cracks? I've actually gotten used to them, but I'm sure the next drop it will come shattering to pieces. I already assumed I would have to pay $200 to get a new phone but people at work kept saying to go in and put on a nice face and sometimes they just switch it out for you. HA! HA! HA!

After 30 minutes of waiting in line to put our name in for the Genius Bar while watching this kids underwear hang out, all I was offered was the $200 replacement. No, I just can't. It's like my 4th iPhone replacement that I have paid for. That brings the total cost of this stinking phone over the past 2 years to... way too much money. The lady told me I was being unsafe and I that she didn't feel comfortable having me leave with a cracked phone and offered to put MASKING TAPE on it. Freaking masking tape?! No, no thank you. I have a screen protector I would rather use or just switch to my old phone. Thanks Apple Lady for your generous masking tape offer. (Yes, I was a tad bitter- I was just too hopeful to get lucky and get a switch out or repair)

 So we set out to spend that $200 elsewhere...with my gift cards. I got fitted for new bras at VS, holy cow- having a baby changes those suckers! $100 later I have 2 super comfy new bras and a pretty classic pink and red bag.. OooooOoooo.... awesome. LOL


Chris drags me into Best Buy and attempts to convince me we need this, and that and CC wants this- "I swear he told me" AHHH


I spent my Bed Bath and Beyond card on some good quality sheets for our bed. I think it's the most I have ever spent on sheets and I am trying to rush through this stinking post so I can go sleep on my new sheets. They are SOOOOOO SOFT.  

 After a day of shopping in the Florida heat and drizzle, we stopped by our favorite sports bar for dinner. I cheated. I ate nachos, the cheesy goodness with BBQ pulled pork all over them. MmmMmMm. I blame Chris for ordering them as an appetizer, I told myself one bite. But that one bite led to another, to another and to 10 more. Oops.

 Home at last, relaxing together as a family watching TV and CC move ALL OVER THE PLACE. 

 CC fell asleep in Chris' arms around 9. This is quite possibly one of my favorite times of the day. When we wind down and have CC in our arms. 

One last show of Pawn Stars....

And BED! New sheets freshly washed and all. 
See how "eventful" my day is. It's 12:17am, I'm still pretty awake considering I only slept 3.5 hours but  I know I will pass out the second my head hits that pillow. I have the next few days off so it will be nice to be back on a normal person schedule. 

Someone is 8 months today....

8 months ago... I had a 5.5lb baby.

Today.... I have a 23lb baby.

Someone doesn't miss any meals now, huh?

8 months....

• Reaches for us
• Rolls, sits, rolls... twist into Hasseloff pose.... scoot, sit, roll
• Will drop any activity the second he sees an iPad or iPhone.....this is trouble
• Wearing 12 month clothes, almost busting out of them
• Size 4 diapers
• Has a belly laugh that can make anyone smile on a bad day
• Say's.... mmmmmuuuuummmmmm, when he is upset but I don't think he knows what he is really saying. 
• Jumparoo got moved to the highest setting, I was convinced he was going to shoot himself to the ceiling if we left it on Stage 2.
• And we moved his crib down since he figured out how to pull up

 And just this week he started crawling. It started with 2 steps, and in days it graduated to full on crawling. I guess my days of a stationary baby are OVER!

Last but not least, after taking these pictures last night, notice 90% of them have his hands in his mouth, and after a full night of tears... we have a tooth! 

Diet quitter & playdates, oh my!

I love blogging at 5am in the morning while the baby is still sleeping, the house is quiet and the light from the baby monitor was just enough to see my keyboard. We had a busy day planned and feeling asleep wasn't in the cards. I tried after I clicked 'publish', I managed to crawl back in bed around 6am hoping to get some shut eye before the sun came up. CC had a different plan, so off our day started. 

Mornings around here are pretty routine. It's either Chris or I starting breakfast, depending on who is working that night- if at all. Since Chris was working, I woke up with the chunk and started our day. He's a fan of oatmeal and fruit in the morning. What am I kidding, how do I know he's a fan? Oh, wait... maybe it's the constant excitement between every spoonful this kid puts off.

 

"Mmmmmm mmmm mmmm (hands reaching for more, fat little legs kicking) Mmmmm Mmmm"

 

I swear, this kid could put away a McDonalds Big Breakfast if I let him. We usually hang out in the living room watching one of the news stations, thank god for the wheels on the high chair. 

As for me, my breakfast consisted of a low carb protein shake and some turkey sausage. What happened to Nutrisystem you may ask? 


Siiiiiiiigh.


I gave up. I loved the program, I really did. The food was pretty good, I was never hungry but I wasn't losing the weight I expected. On top of that, I made it too easy to cheat. Right, stupid excuse I know. But paying $300+ for food each month with a lack of will power made it a waste of money for myself. Chris on the other hand dropped weight the entire month, something like 30 lbs. Freaking men. Me on the other hand, I was down 5.5, 2.1... then I gained, lost gained... but no consistency (yes, blog commenter of the past- I was still as large as a house, or whatever you compared me too- A-hole).  


So I went back to what I knew worked. On July 4th I made a 90 day commitment (best friends wedding is in Oct) to a no-carb diet. So far so good, I am down 17.5lbs since starting Nutrisystem and 12lbs of that being from no carbs since I quit NS. 


Not too shabby huh? I just want to be healthy again. I'm 4lbs away from what I weighed in at my 6 week pregnancy app with CC.

 Isn't this just the sweetest thing in the world? I needed Chris to wake up and watch him for awhile while I cleaned up the house before CC's lady friends showed up for their play date. I came back into our bedroom to find this. Melted my heart.

 CC had his two lady friends over for a play date, we hung out in CC's new play room aka the loft. It's nothing spectacular but it will be when I am done with it. Gate, gates and more gates will complete this little nook of mine. The afternoon was spent talking babies, nursing, parenting, sleep, drool, poop... oh yes... It feels so good to be able to talk all this. I am finally a Mom that gets to FEEL like the Mom I have been for 2 years. Who knew talking dirty diapers would give me a smile on my heart? 

It's going to be a long night. I'm not tired and my ADD mind is wandering to 1,000 different places. I need to work on CC's baby book but while doing that I get distracted by blogging as I am now. I have a few blogs I want to catch up on, maybe clean the kitchen considering the computer is in the kitchen and I am staring at the mess as I type. I'm getting hungry but I am kinda of proteined out and I have no crab friendly snacks in the house. As I said... lots of things to be distracted by. Such is life.

Oh and P.S. I am crying over here reading my friends FB updates about Blogher 2011. It wasn't in the cards for this year considering I wanted to go to our 10 year reunion instead. BUT next year... I'M GOING! Not that I have a choice, Diane already said she is kidnapping me. LOL

I read emotion

It's 5:04 in the morning. I am wide awake- yet it's not an unusual time for me to be awake considering my work schedule. But I stayed awake yesterday after getting off work, only taking a small cat nap, meaning I should be in a deep slumber praying the baby decides to sleep in.

Instead, I have tossed and turned since 1:34am when I woke up to the voices of the Kardashian sisters on our bedroom TV. Oops, forgot to turn that off last night. I last remember blog hopping from my ipad with the TV on in the background. Husband passed out 2 seconds after he hit the pillow. I dozed off mid read on a blog, probably the 10th one I had found last night. I have been discovering new reads to add to my reader every night. I look at it as starting a new novel, that's my reading material, blogs.

How in the world did I ever get sucked into blog land? I have never written in my life. Book reports, essays and speeches were not up my alley. I am sure I barely passed any writing intensive courses in high school and college. Hence why my career is a critical thinking, scientific jumble of a mess. I think I would jump off a skyscraper if I had to write reports, essays and things of that nature of my career. To add to that, I have never been a reader. Sure I read gossip magazines, the occasional easy to read book and sift through pages and pretend like I am interested in the aisles of Barnes and Noble. So how did I ever find myself writing a blog, non the less have readers that want to read it? How in the heck do I focus long enough to read the amount of blogs I do? What pulls me in?

Emotion. True emotion. Emotion about loss, emotion about a new family, adoption, a sickness, weightloss.... the list goes on and on....

This blog was intended to keep my family involved in the fun updates of our first pregnancy. Maybe even be a tid bit to share with our future child. Never did I expect to pour my feelings and dig deep into my heart and tap it all out on a keyboard. Something I never ever loved to do, found any pleasure in at all in the past- ended up being my therapy at a time I found no help from anything else. My fingers gracefully dancing on the keyboard and the tapping sound of my fingers hitting the keys was better than any therapy or drug could buy. I didn't have to think, I just typed.


In reverse, I found myself pulled into other's lives. I wanted to read emotion, feel their story. I quickly started adding blogs to my reader and became addicted to blogs. Me, read?! Yes!
When we first found out of Nolan's growth restriction in utero, I came home and scoured the Internet for a story. I wanted to find the golden story of hope. Someone that had been in my shoes and had a hopeful outcome. That was my way of finding hope in our situation, I found many of blogs because those particular people shared their story, just as I found myself doing. The following month after we lost Nolan, I found myself scouring blog land for others who have lost their child. I needed not to feel alone.


Before I even knew it, I landed myself in a community in blog land. One that any normal person would never search for, in fact the normal person would never even fathom. But one blog would lead to another blog which would link to another blog and this is where I became part of the BLM blogging community.

BLM= Baby Loss Mom
Sad. Right?

I mean, I never knew there was an "official" name for us mothers.
So here I am, 2 years later and to this day I will be part of this community.

Tonight, while I was laying in bed I was thinking about these blogs and the women I have met over the 2 years and realized how lucky I am that I have been connected to them. I am still friends with most of the original blogs I started reading that very week I came home empty armed. I was thinking about how crazy it is that we all somehow fell upon each others blog and how without this technology we never would have had each other.
Who ever thought that I would find comfort, joy and friendship out of something I used to loathe doing.

At the ripe age of 28, I learned I love to write. I love to share my story because I hope that the words I have so diligently typed out over the past 2.5 years may just be of comfort to someone new. Funny how 10 years ago, I would have DREADED typing anything out that didn't consist of an AIM instant message.

Blogging is my therapy. Blogging has become a hobby, a meeting place and most of all a community that has brought all walks of life together. In the past week i have found myself stumbling upon some new blogs that have caught my interest in one way or another. Each on has emotion and a powerful story to tell. I am curious, what is your favorite blog to read that tells a story? The one that you look forward to every new post?