Instead, I have tossed and turned since 1:34am when I woke up to the voices of the Kardashian sisters on our bedroom TV. Oops, forgot to turn that off last night. I last remember blog hopping from my ipad with the TV on in the background. Husband passed out 2 seconds after he hit the pillow. I dozed off mid read on a blog, probably the 10th one I had found last night. I have been discovering new reads to add to my reader every night. I look at it as starting a new novel, that's my reading material, blogs.
How in the world did I ever get sucked into blog land? I have never written in my life. Book reports, essays and speeches were not up my alley. I am sure I barely passed any writing intensive courses in high school and college. Hence why my career is a critical thinking, scientific jumble of a mess. I think I would jump off a skyscraper if I had to write reports, essays and things of that nature of my career. To add to that, I have never been a reader. Sure I read gossip magazines, the occasional easy to read book and sift through pages and pretend like I am interested in the aisles of Barnes and Noble. So how did I ever find myself writing a blog, non the less have readers that want to read it? How in the heck do I focus long enough to read the amount of blogs I do? What pulls me in?
Emotion. True emotion. Emotion about loss, emotion about a new family, adoption, a sickness, weightloss.... the list goes on and on....
This blog was intended to keep my family involved in the fun updates of our first pregnancy. Maybe even be a tid bit to share with our future child. Never did I expect to pour my feelings and dig deep into my heart and tap it all out on a keyboard. Something I never ever loved to do, found any pleasure in at all in the past- ended up being my therapy at a time I found no help from anything else. My fingers gracefully dancing on the keyboard and the tapping sound of my fingers hitting the keys was better than any therapy or drug could buy. I didn't have to think, I just typed.
In reverse, I found myself pulled into other's lives. I wanted to read emotion, feel their story. I quickly started adding blogs to my reader and became addicted to blogs. Me, read?! Yes!
When we first found out of Nolan's growth restriction in utero, I came home and scoured the Internet for a story. I wanted to find the golden story of hope. Someone that had been in my shoes and had a hopeful outcome. That was my way of finding hope in our situation, I found many of blogs because those particular people shared their story, just as I found myself doing. The following month after we lost Nolan, I found myself scouring blog land for others who have lost their child. I needed not to feel alone.
Before I even knew it, I landed myself in a community in blog land. One that any normal person would never search for, in fact the normal person would never even fathom. But one blog would lead to another blog which would link to another blog and this is where I became part of the BLM blogging community.
BLM= Baby Loss Mom
I mean, I never knew there was an "official" name for us mothers.
So here I am, 2 years later and to this day I will be part of this community.
Tonight, while I was laying in bed I was thinking about these blogs and the women I have met over the 2 years and realized how lucky I am that I have been connected to them. I am still friends with most of the original blogs I started reading that very week I came home empty armed. I was thinking about how crazy it is that we all somehow fell upon each others blog and how without this technology we never would have had each other.
Who ever thought that I would find comfort, joy and friendship out of something I used to loathe doing.
At the ripe age of 28, I learned I love to write. I love to share my story because I hope that the words I have so diligently typed out over the past 2.5 years may just be of comfort to someone new. Funny how 10 years ago, I would have DREADED typing anything out that didn't consist of an AIM instant message.
Blogging is my therapy. Blogging has become a hobby, a meeting place and most of all a community that has brought all walks of life together. In the past week i have found myself stumbling upon some new blogs that have caught my interest in one way or another. Each on has emotion and a powerful story to tell. I am curious, what is your favorite blog to read that tells a story? The one that you look forward to every new post?