Thursday, May 7, 2009

He looks so perfect, a perfect little boy. I never ever thought we would be faced with such news. But he has a story that we are in the process of trying to figure out.

Today was our appointment with the Maternal Fetal Specialist due to his size. I can honestly say I went into this appointment with a VERY positive attitude. I thought we would go in, get all the measurements and find out he has IUGR (Intra uterine growth retardation) I was ready for that news, sure our baby was small and he might deliver a few weeks early, but everything would be okay.

The Dr came in and started of by saying we have a very very sick baby on our hands and we have a lot of discussing to do.

The bigger problem is the baby also has a chromosomal defect and has pretty much stopped growing about 3 weeks ago. There is still a heartbeat and everything, so, he's still alive, he looks so perfect...he just isn't growing anymore. At this point, the doctor doesn't know what type of defect he has. She said its either a lethal defect or a good (viable) defect. In which there is still a defect but the baby will hopefully survive to term.

They did an amnio and preliminary results will come back on Monday. These results will show whether the defect is on a "bad gene", meaning the baby won't survive...or that the defect is on a "good gene" and he will suruive...just with many complications. In about 10 days we will have a more definite answer and know what path to start taking.

On top of that, our baby has a very sick heart. He has a mis structured heart. The Dr said the heart defect is not in relation to the size of the baby. Typically babies with a heart defect grow at a normal size until about 3rd trimester. She said something about overlapping aortas and something else, but we were both not in the right state of mind to even remember much of what she said. She also does not know if the heart defect is due to the chromosome or unrealted.

We are in shock, complete shock. It feels so numb. We won't have any defined answers for over a week but in the mean time she told me to take time off with Chris and be together and grieve over the information we recieved.

We have a long long road ahead of us as she explained. A lot of things are going to happen in the next few weeks. We are scared to death. This baby was planned and we will make sure we do everything in our power to fight for him.

I wish I had more answers but I don't. I can't even explain how hard it is to look at a perfectly structured moving baby on the ultrasound machine but then to get hit with this news that he is so sick. We are asking for a lot and a lot of prayers right now.


(I might edit this more later when I have time to think and explain more)


I know I'm not the best catholic out there, but I do hold true to my religion and have to have a lot of faith in it right now.

I just said my first Novena. A Novena is a prayer said for 9 consecutive days to a particular saint asking for an intention. Or intention is to have strength for Chris and I and for our precious little boy to have a healthy outcome.

The power of prayer can be so powerful, my grandma had 7 stillborns, the 5 viable pregnancies she had (my mom and 4 uncles and aunts, were the ones she did Novenas for. I have full faith in God to help us get through this, even though it seems so impossible right now. I prayed for a healthy outcome for our little baby. Im in tears again, I hate this.

Please say prayers for our family, we are so grateful for all the ones being said already. We love you all and I never realized how much support we have out there.



24 comments:

Katy said...

I don't even have the words to say to you right now. On the phone, "I'm sorry" didn't seem like it was nearly enough...and it isn't. My heart just aches for all of you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I'm a phone call away if you need to talk.

Morgan said...

Ash,

All I can say is that I love you and you'll get through this. I think you said it best when you said you will fight for this baby.

All my best to you, Chris and baby.

xoxox

Kimberly said...

Ashley, my heart is just breaking for you. I will continue to pray and pray for the best possible outcome for your baby. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I can't imagine. (((hugs)))

tiara said...

i'm so so sorry. you guys are great people and i only hope you will get the little boy you deserve. we're all praying for you.

cathy said...

I was in tears reading this and we are praying for you guys immensely. We love you and are here for anything you might need.

SgtEriksWife said...

Oh Ashley.... My heart breaks for you and Chris. Katy's right... "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem enough. You know you have so many of us praying for you. Whatever the outcome of the tests... whatever your decisions... whatever road you travel... we are here by your side. Hugs to all three of you.

Kristen said...

Ashley, I dont know what to say right now my heart is breaking for you guys right now. I am gonna to prayer for you baby boy and that he fights just as much as you guys will for him. If you need anything I am here for you.

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry to hear...

I will be thinking of you and your family.

Shannon said...

Ashley, I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. I will be praying for you and your family as you wait to hear the outcome. He's lucky that he has you fighting for him!

{{{hugs}}}

Christy said...

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you and your family. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah said...

I agree with Katy and Lisa, "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem like enough. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Chris.

Dani said...

Hey Ashley,
I haven't really kept up with ND, but I saw some ND girls mention their friend's baby on FB, & went to ND to see what was going on. I'm so sorry to hear of the stress & heartache you're going through. You & Chris & Ruby Baby are in my thoughts & prayers. Stay strong!
-Dani

Baby K said...

Oh Ashley,

I'm absolutely gutted for you guys. I pray that the test results are positive and that your little guy is a fighter.
You guys are in my heart and prayers.
Kiki

Laura said...

ohhh Ashley *tears* I'm so sorry to hear this news. I was praying for you guys all day yesterday! My heart is just breaking for you and Chris. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time...may God give you the strength you need. ***HUGS***

Amy said...

You, your husband, and your baby are in my prayers. I am a true believer that prayers work and have seen it several time. I'm so sorry you even have to go through this.

jenbob09 said...

All of my thoughts & prayers are with you, Chris and the little one.

Tania said...

I'm saying lots of prayers for you and your family. Keep your faith in God!

Megan said...

Your beautiful baby, husband, and yourself are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

Blair said...

Prayers are said. & will continue to be said for both you & your sweet little boy.

Alleigh said...

Ashley-saying that my thoughts and prayers are with you, Chris, and the baby seems so inadequate, but I'm sending the three of you my best.

modom3278 said...

Ashley, my heart is breaking for you. Please know that my prayers are with you, Chris and your baby boy.

Brittany said...

You're precious boy, along with you and your husband are in my prayers. I hope you get your answers soon and they are on the positive side. My thoughts are with y'all!

Azull said...

Oh Ash, I'm right there with everyone with not knowing what to say. I can't imagine what you, Chris, and your family are going through. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. We are all here for you guys, whatever you may need.
{{{HUGS}}}}

Hanneke said...

Oh Ash, I'm so sorry for you and Chris. I will keep you, Chris and your little guy in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know what to say. All my love to you, Chris and baby.

xoxoxox Hanneke