Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dear Nolan,

Merry Christmas. I hope the angels are singing and you are all rejoicing up there in heaven.
I'm at work and can not stop thinking about you. It hit, you won't be here when I get home in the morning. I won't come home to a family to celebrate Christmas, won't be going to church with you all dressed up in the cutest holiday outfit, not going to to a dinner with family and friends where everyone ooooo's and awwww's over you. None of that and I wish more than anything you were here and could be with us to celebrate Jesus.

I tried to get you a small Christmas tree to decorate with all your ornaments, but since your procrastinating Mother waiting until the last minute they were all pretty much dead. I have all your ornaments hanging from a picture frame to show them off. I promise next year, I will get you the best Christmas tree you have ever seen with the brightest lights and red & blue ribbon.

So on this Christmas Eve, stay close to us tomorrow. Know that I will go to bed thinking of you and wake up missing you. Dad leaves for work before I even get home from tonight's shift so I will be feeling pretty lonely. I think your great Aunt Mary is going to join Chris tomorrow and come up to the hospital with food to have Christmas dinner with me. I guess it will feel like the most awkward Christmas, but as long as I think you are with me, I will feel better.

I hope you are having the best Christmas a little baby can have up there in Heaven. I can only imagine how beautiful it is. I like to think you are being passed around by all your great grandparents, Grandma Ruth is holding you tight while Grandma Pat is trying to find the perfect garage sale present for you and Grandpa Cliff paints your beautiful angel face. That's what I like to think is going on. Merry Christmas angel.

I love you and miss you more than I can even express in words. My heart is aching for you and as Silent Night sings...
"sleep in Heavenly peace"

Love,
Your Mommy

P.S. I will do everything in my power to come visit you this Christmas morning before I go home. I just wish your Dad and I could visit you together on such a hard day.

3 comments:

ryansmom said...

Ashley, that is a beautiful letter to Nolan. My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you. Merry Christmas and many blessings for the new year.
Hugs,
Lisa

cmatsukes said...

That is such a beautiful letter I hope he will always be in your heart. I thought of him yesterday too when I saw Makayla I think his spirit is with us all. Hope you get your little blessing next year to have at Christmas 2010. Love your Aunt Chris.

Jessica said...

What a beautiful letter. Nolan can feel your love and is sending you love in ways you may not even realize. *hugs*