Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dear Nolan,

Your Dad text me tonight while he was at work and said

"It will be 30 years from now and it will still feel like yesterday, one of those things you will always remember"

It's been 8 months since we had to say good bye to you. Tonight, it's been 8 months since we watched you slip from our arms while the NICU worked so hard to keep you. You were tired Nolan, I understand that fight was so hard and you had so many odds against you.

But we got 3 days with you Nolan. I would take those 3 days over having 'no days' any day. We got to meet you, we got to learn your personality and we got to stare at you in amazement. You squeezed our hands and kicked like crazy when your Daddy and I talked to you. We met you and it was all possible because the NICU gave you a chance to fight your battle.

I'm running for you Nolan in a race this weekend. The race is in memory of a little girl named Piper that also fought hard in the NICU. Her Mommy and Daddy are raising money for the same NICU you were taken care of in. So cheer me on baby, I'll need it. I sure wasn't planning on signing up for a 5k for another 7 weeks and an emotional one at that. So because you fought so hard, I am going to do the same to give some other babies in that NICU more of a fighting chance.

I love you Nolan and I am THANKFUL for those 3 days we had you with us.
3 days, 3 years... they are both just too short, way too short. But I know either 3 minutes, 3 days, 3 years or 33 years. I am thankful I got to know you.


I love you little guy and I need to you to nudge me past that finish line on Saturday morning. We will probably come in last, but as long as we make it, I don't care.

Love,
Your Mommy

8 comments:

Brie said...

so proud of you for entering the 5k..I think you'll have an extra nudge or two, or three, from Nolan saying, "Gooooo mommy & daddy!".

Amanda and Bernie said...

Hi Ashley,

My name is Amanda and I have followed your story on the PE Foundation Fourms as well as on your blog. I am also walking the MOD this year and am featuring preemie blogs on my own blog this week. I am featuring your beautiful Nolan today. I hope that's okay!

I will be encouraging you from Colorado in your race this weekend.

Lisette said...

Cheering for you as you do your run. I think that is great thing you are doing. Nolan is going to be so proud of his mommy!

Maggie said...

I'm cheering for you this weekend! I know Nolan is too! :)

The Blue Sparrow said...

(((HUGS))) Oh, and good luck!

MoDLin said...

All the best to you this weekend. You're wonderful to help this NICU help other preemie parents. Hopefully one day we'll find a way to stop these early arrivals from happening.

Jessica said...

Ashley, Nolan will get you through. I did a walk for Jonathan a couple months after I lost him and I was pretty out of shape and so walking four miles at once was alot for me...I wanted to give up, but I asked him to give me strength and get me through....he did. Our babies hear us when we talk to them even though they are not physically here.

jamie said...

I think the walk is a lovely way to remember Piper, Nolan and the whole NICU. It is such a special thing :)

I am glad you got a chance to know your Nolan and love on him while he was here - he must be so proud of his mom & dad :)