Thursday, February 4, 2010
For the first meeting of the month we thought we would speak about the holiday season and how you coped. What was it like for you? Did you do anything special in your child's memory?
Honestly, being that it was our first Christmas that Nolan should have been here, I pretty much ignored the holiday. I ignored all the hype, skipped the tree, ignored the Christmas music and worked both Christmas Eve & Christmas Day.
My biggest thing that I was concerned with was finding the 'Perfect Ornament' for Nolan for 2009. I just kept getting frustrated trying to find the one that says "baby in heaven 2009" vs all the stroller and baby rattle ones. Luckily I had many friends help out and they gave Nolan some real sweet ones that defined our year. Some were personalized, some about angels and one with Nolan's picture on it.
I still went to church on Christmas morning with a co-worker that joined me, she visited Nolan with me since Chris was working day shift and couldn't come. It was the most lonely, quiet and heartbreaking Christmas I have ever felt. Since I chose to work both Eve & Day and Chris was on day shift, I didn't even see him for over 48 hours. I woke up to an empty house and went strait to work. Thankfully Chris and Aunt Mary came up to the hospital together to have a Christmas dinner in our break room with me.
Sometimes I think the anticipation was worse than the actual holiday, but maybe that's because I kept myself distracted at work. I just hope that this years Christmas is a bit less empty and a few more joyful things to celebrate.
at 7:38 PM