Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Disney wonders

I miss my baby. Plain and simple.

We went to Orlando this weekend to visit with a grade school/high school best friend and her husband and Mom and the whole time we were there, I couldn't help but think about what's missing. We should have had a stroller with us and we should have been passing the little guy around at lunch. I should have been able to buy him Mickey ears with the elastic neck thing to keep it on and his name written in cursive on the front.


I'm sure it didn't help that we were at Disney where like 1 million strollers are around and little 2 year olds running around. Happy families were EVERYWHERE! It made me miss Nolan so much. I kept wondering if Chris and I will ever be able to bring a child to Disney. I mean, it's a valid thought and one that makes me sad because I am actually worrying about this.

I even turned to Chris at one point when a toddler boy was in front of us and said... "Do you think we will ever get to be those parents?"

I think what it comes down to is, I am just plain FRUSTRATED. I am frustrated with the 'what ifs', 'should have beens', 'would have beens' and ect ect. I just want my Nolan back, I just want him here and want to be living the naive life of a family of 3.

Will we ever be there? A family of 4? Only time, patience and praying will tell.

On another note, please keep Lauren my close blog friend in your prayers and thoughts today.


The Blue Sparrow said...

I am frustrate by all the what ifs too and no it isnt fair. I wish we all had our angels here with us too. *HUGS*

The Ramirez Family said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know in my heart you will get to be a family of 4. Keep your chin up and hang in there. Nolan would want to to try and be happy.

With Out My Punkin said...

((hugs)) I hope that one day you will be blessed with a little brother or sister for him. I wish he was here with you too!

Mrs.F said...

Hang in there. I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel, but God has a plan for yall... I know it!

Maggie said...

Those terrible 'what ifs' and 'would have beens'...I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there. Thinking of you and sending you hugs.

jamie said...

good for you for being able to brave disney - that is no easy feat !
The "should have beens" are awful. I do admire how you are able to balance moving forward without moving on - you know?

Hugs to you

Diana said...

Stopping by again via Lynette's "Getting to Know You" (from last week)... just 'cause I wanted to say hi again and see how you were doing. Sending you a {big hug} and lifting you guys up in prayer. God's blessings and grace upon you, dear girl. :)

Bluebird said...

Makes sense to me.

I can't wait for you to be "those" parents one day. I'm so sorry that you aren't now.

belle said...

(((((giant hugs)))))

you are not alone..... it's just too sad for words how many of us know this feeling of getting to be "naive"...love your word choice

Anonymous said...

I was in San Diego this past fall at the Zoo and I faced what I call the "Belly Epidemic" where everyone that was of childbearing age appeared pregnant. It makes the day challenging. *hugs* Thinking of you.

Tara said...

I just found your blog today through the Blog Parade and read several of your past posts. My heart is broken for you. I truly do feel you'll find the happiness you're looking for and you'll feel your baby boy in that. And it sounds like you're already a wonderful mother.