Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Holding Hands *KERRY*

I don't know what it is, but I feel this immense feeling to hold Kerry's hand right now. Literally drive my ass up to Kentucky and be there along with her family to embrace her this week. I know what she is battling right now is every mothers nightmare. It's an unexplainable feeling knowing that you have done everything possible but no matter what your body isn't cooperating. It's a feeling of failure beyond words even though you know deep down in your heart it is out of your control.

I feel so connected to Kerry and I am hurting for her so deeply. She got news last night that with Josey's IUGR and her severely high blood pressure, that her fight is coming to an end.Time is running out and it’s getting unsafe to let Kerry stay pregnant. There is always that hope and glimmer of a miracle can happen. A miracle that Josey is bigger than measured, Kerry stabilizes more and we can hold out a few more weeks.

Hope.

Kerry's blog just got me this morning. Something just smacked me in the face, I have been through this. It just happened faster, I had no time to think, no time to attempt to accept, no time to worry. And here I am, watching what happened to me in June, happen all over again to someone close to me. This isn't fair and I just don’t get it.

I’m not joking Kerry, I will be there in a heartbeat. I will come take sweet pictures of baby Josey in the NICU if that’s where she gets to go. I would take family pictures of you 3 if she doesn’t get to go. I would do anything to be there for you and give you everything I remember helping me. I will help walk beside you in this time of Hell.

I get it. I understand. I will hold your hand. Promise.

15 comments:

Jessica said...

*hugs* Thinking of your cousin Ashley...I am so sorry that you have to understand how she feels. I am so sorry she even has to go through this.

Beth said...

I am a new follower, I found you on another blog. I would like to view Kerry's blog to but the link doesn't work. ): I am sorry you had to experience what you did and now Kerry is having to go through it too. I can't imagine.

You both are in my prayers.
-beth
beth-doodleandbug.blogspot.com

johannanurse said...

Oh Honey....I just read Kerry's blog. I have to tell you that I know what you are going through...again. My first cousin and his wife had a baby born with a heart defect. he was born a week after Evan and had his surgery 3 months later. I wanted to be there with them and hold there hands so bad. As I read their carepage it was like reliving the nightmare all over again. Praying for Kerry and Baby Josey today and praying for you because I know how hard this is when it hits home again so close. I love you special sister,
Johanna

KAM said...

Thanks sweety. It means a lot. I wish they'd just give me a date. I think they keep holding out maybe they measured wrong, maybe she's bigger and we'll just give it one more day, but we're just reaching that point with me and my health that there's not many more days to wait.

Thanks for being here. I've definitely felt your 'hands'.

-kerry

SassySillySpunky said...

Ashley...I've been following your blog a long time and you are such a strong person! Your cousin is so lucky to have you for support!

Jayme said...

It breaks my heart that someone else has to go through this. When I was pregnant with Raime, it was the same thing- I was too sick to stay pregnant and she was too small because of IUGR to even try to save. I was 23 weeks and she was only 10oz when she was born. I hate this disease!!

The Blue Sparrow said...

Oh no, I am so sorry that Kerry is going through this! I will be praying! *HUGS*

Lisette said...

I am so sorry that your family has to go through this all over again. I know for you it just brings you back to that horrible time in your life. You are a wonderful cousin. I have been praying for Kerry and baby Josey ever since your first post about her and I have followed her blog. I share with her my sister in-law's story, she also went through this and my nephew was delivered at 29 weeks weighing 2.1 lbs. It was a long, long road for them. Our prayers were answered and he is now almost 3, he still has issues because he got NEC when he was in there but over all he is doing great. It is all in God's hands and we just have to really believe in his power. I wish she was further along too in order to give the baby a better chance but I am not giving up, I am praying and asking God for a miracle. God bless and please keep us posted since Kerry will probably not be up for updates.

Katie said...

Huge *Hugs* Ashley! I know this can't be easy for you having been there yourself. Stay strong. You are a wonderful person to help her through such a difficult time.

Saffy said...

PE sucks. PE + IUGR sucks even more. It's like some big bad mean baby lottery for the unsuspecting.

Thinking of you, and Kerry and your families - this must be such a hard time for you all.

Andrea said...

Ashley,

Keep holding her "heart" as she feels your love :) You are doing an amazing thing for her, just being there for her, just as Val was for you.

Praying for Kerry and Josie...

xo

Maggie said...

I'm so so very sorry Ashley. I'm thinking of Kerry and the rest of your family.

belle said...

(((hugs)))

M said...

Wow Ashley, you are so amazing! How strong you are to be able to support Kerry. I found your blog from Ashley (J) R. and Kerry's blog from yours. I can not comment on Kerry's page for some reason but have been praying like crazy that Kerry gets a miracle, that they hold out hope and Josey grows and they are able to take a baby home.

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