Monday, August 10, 2009
Well I got a picture of that darn yellow butterfly! He's a fast sucker! We had just gotten back from a 14 mile bike ride that we take to go see Nolan at the church. It's 14 miles round trip, but the halfway mark is bittersweet, my baby's resting spot. So anyways, those 14 miles give you A LOT of time to think, and today was one of those rides where all my thoughts were about Nolan. Every little thing, I replayed the morning he was born in my head all the way to the day we buried him. SO, what greeted us when we pulled into the driveway? You bettcha!
The best part, the butterfly was flying with a dragonfly. My new friend who has gone through a NICU loss 2 years ago said her sign that Eli gives her is dragonflies. So I just figure that Nolan and Eli are playing up there in heaven.
Here's a picture of that paper yellow butterfly that my cousin sent me 2 weeks ago. It was sent from her Moms kindergarten class that prayed for Nolan since May. I thought it was super sweet and VERY ironic now that these yellow butterflies keep visiting. I didn't even put the 2 together until days after.
Anyways, 2 months ago today was my last full day of Nolan. I remember nagging my mom to hurry up and get to the hospital that morning because I wanted to take a shower and I needed her to blow dry my hair since I couldn't bend over with my c-section. So she arrived, I was FINALLY able to shower and get all dressed up and visit my baby. I wish I stayed up there in the NICU all day. That night was the night a lot of our friends came up to the hospital to hang out with us. A few of them even got to meet our little man that night. I was talking to Chris's good friend Kyle the other night, and he said this...
"I have never ever seen you more happy than you were that night I came to visit you guys and you came down from the NICU with the biggest smile, because you got to change his diaper. In the 7 years I have known you and Chris, I have never seen the 2 of you more happy that night ever"
And it's the truth, I had all my friends there with us and I got to come down and say... I FINALLY FEEL LIKE A MOM. And I went back to my hospital room and spit this blog out...
Little did I know, hours later would change the rest of our lives forever.