You want to think bad things don't happen twice to good people. You want to think that when a person goes through one life changing bad thing, they can not endure anymore because they will not be dealt with those cards again. Right?
That's how I feel people view this pregnancy. I hear it all the time now, things such as,
"I know this is the one"
"Nothing is going to go bad, you already went through enough"
Sure, I would LOVE to believe those things, I really would. And in fact, I have been staying positive and I have been doing good considering our situation. But when it all comes down to it, there is a reality. And it really hit home last week. Just as Amy wrote in her guest blog just one week before she was admitted.
I talked to Amy, FINALLY. I talked to her for a long time about her, Kooper, her week stay, her delivery, her feelings, Kalli, similarities and how scary it is that we can get sick again and that we don't get a guarantee to go to full term. We don't get a "Get our of Jail" free card because we lost a baby.
I just wonder, am I next? I mean I am only 15 weeks away from when I delivered Nolan. I will be OVER THE MOON if this baby stays ahead of schedule because that means no severe IUGR. But I do fully understand the severity of pre-eclampsia and how it can bear it's ugly head at any time and that I am at a HUGE risk, just like Amy was. I am under some of the best care just like Amy, I am watching my body like a hawk, just like Amy and I know with my OB, MFM I am as safe as I can be just like Amy. I know to listen to my body, I know things can happen and I know not to hesitate if I feel something is off. I am just praying, hoping and wishing that this baby is non-IUGR and I can make it past 26 weeks. It's a scary thought, but with Amy delivering Kooper this week... it all really just sums up how unpredictable this disease is. In our case, what is the point of a due date?! Honestly.
It just feels like your a ticking time bomb, no other way to describe it. And Amy has been telling me from day 1 that's how she has felt this whole time.
On a lighter note,
Amy is doing well, and Kooper is holding strong for a 2lb baby. She is relieved that they saved him before her body got sicker. He is in a safe place and she knows that and she feels relieved. We are both SO thankful that he isn't growth restricted and that in itself makes a HUGE difference. She plans on starting a new caringbridge site sometime today for baby Kooper and when she gets that up and running, I will for sure share with you all.
We are just so thankful he arrived safely, kicking, crying and has some of the best NICU care there is. Kick all that mumbo jumbo, 'arriving early stuff' because in the end... he made it here in the first place. He is a miracle baby, just like Kalli. Good job mama, you did so well and I am so proud of your fight for Kooper.
Kooper Robert James W.
Picture compliments of Amy's cousin Mindy
If there was one baby I would like to see grow from a preemie size, with a birthday so close to Nolan's.... it would be Kooper. I admit this will not be easy, but I feel so connected already. Bless your little heart Kooper, you have so many people routing for you and 2 perfect little angels watching over you. Now grow baby, GROW!