Tuesday, June 8, 2010

If there was ever a sign…

THIS WAS THE ONE, that I needed today.

First of all, today went perfect and I can’t wait to blog about it. But this just  had to come first.

Tonight, I was bummed we were going to miss Glee’s season finale, but hey, that’s what DVR is for and we had “better” things to do. Not like I would stay home for Glee on a night like tonight. After dinner tonight we all went and visited Nolan and then after the group decided to go to our favorite restaurant to grab a drink in memory of Nolan. So that’s what we did.

The group decided to go to a new place and being me, I wanted to enjoy the night and stay out for a bit. On the way to the new place, my dad text me and my sister called me freaking out over Glee’s season finale.

Like seriously freaking out!

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But I wanted to know NOTHING and ignored them.

We got to the new place and I think all the bottled up emotions from the day hit me. With in 5 minutes of walking in, I was a sobbing mess. I was literally sitting in the corner of this dark place with tears uncontrollably falling from my face. So Chris suggested we go home and chill out. And that’s exactly what I needed.

So what was the first thing we did after my breakdown? Watch Glee.

Here is the insane part.

The first song had a part that SCREAMED at me. I know in the song, the lyrics are totally unrelated to the way they used them in the show but in any matter…

Mama, ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye, everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind 

During this time this part of the song was being sung, they were showing one of the characters giving birth. So I figured that’s what my sister & Dad was talking about.  Sure, I thought about it like Nolan was sending a message of a sort.

Until…

The very last song…

Somewhere over the Rainbow. (Iz’s version)

I turned into a damn water fountain. I can’t even describe what I felt. It was like Nolan was saying he was okay. In the same exact way as when we played that song at his service and a rainbow formed on the floor from the sun shining through the stain glass windows right when the song started. Amazing. I just sat there smiling but with tears pouring down my face. Like did Glee write this show for me?!

Did you know I was secretly hoping to hear the song all day, even put it on a CD we brought on the boat. But when the song came on, it followed a party song so I skipped it. So here we are, 11:55pm watching the last 2 minutes of Glee and that happens.

Tears of joy that for one second I KNOW Nolan was looking down and giving me a hug even if it was in the most unexpected way.

23 comments:

Angie said...

What a perfect way to end your day.

~Stephie~ said...

I agree, that does sound like a good way to end ur day. And I luv Iz's verson of "Somewhere over the Rainbow" the best... Makes me cry everytime I hear it but they are always tears of happiness :D Reminds me that no matter what happens, there is someone watching over you and I know Nolan is watching over you and Chris always.

Ruby said...

I totally missed it tonight so bummed but I'll be catching it on hulu and will be totally thinkin of you guys what a cool little man you have for sending such great signs on his day he is truly watching over you AMAZING

The Yauns said...

what a perfect sign from little nolan...... i can't begin to imagine how you are feeling but just know that i cry along with you when i read your blogs and i think about you everyday and everytime i see a yellow butterfly i find myself smiling.

Betty said...

What I beautiful way to end the day. (((Hugs)))

I should have read this later. We recorded Glee but haven't watch it yet...bummer. But at least I'll be prepared for what's to come in the episode.

cmatsukes said...

I dont normally watch this show but I was flipping channels and found that scene and yes it brought Nolan to my mind too and then the Rainbow song as well what a great way to end your special day with Nolan he defintely wanted you to watch that show. I love that rainbow song. Hugs Aunt Chris.

Kimberly said...

Perfect. I've never seen the show, but now I feel like I need to see it too. Glad the day went well for you Ashley. (((hugs)))

Michele said...

I just found your blog this week and have read your story. You're and amazingly strong woman. Your story brought tears to my eyes.

What an amazing sign from Nolan! I'm glad you got that. He's looking out for his mom and dad (can't forget little baby brother or sister too)!

Sara said...

Amazing isn't it? Our little ones know how to make us feel better just at the right time!

Danielle said...

How perfect! I've had a couple of really neat signs myself that I need to post about, but nothing on Wyatt's birthday. I'm so glad Nolan's birthday turned out so well for you.

Andrea said...

I love when those things happen. I was watering my plants and was wanting a sign from Christian and then suddenly a little firefly flickered in front of me. Just one! I call my baby my "little firefly", so it was perfect and set my heart at peace :)

HUGS

Lisette said...

Oh that is just a perfect way to end your day. I love signs like that and yes indeed he was sending his love to you, letting you know he is ok. ((HUGS))

Stana said...

this post just made me teary.
such a nice end to a very emotional day, like a kiss from Nolan.
i strongly believe that they do send us messages/signs.when matilda does it warms my heart.

johannanurse said...

So glad you got Nolan's message! Hugs!

Betsy & Kurt said...

Oh man. How awesome. I saw a post about how the episode of glee was upsetting for some girls. I've DVR'd it and haven't had a chance to watch it yet. I was kind of nervous to see it, but after reading your post, I think i'll think of it in an entirely different way than I should have.

I'm so glad you had such a special end to the day. Can't wait to hear about the rest of it. :)

Christy said...

I rarely watch the show, but tuned in last night.

What a perfect end to your day. Glad it made you feel better and let you know that Nolan is watching over you. ((HUGS))

Holly said...

That is so perfect!! So happy that you got that sign from him!

Fanny said...

I am teary, and an emotional mess now.
What a beautiful way this lil man has to send you these signs.
Bless you and Chris!

Carly said...

What a guy that little Nolan is! Thinking of you this week.

MissingYouAlways said...

see! STUFF LIKE THAT I SEE AS A SIGN!!! when bf and I were trying to concieve i heard somewhere over the rainbow everywhere, when you just wouldnt expect to hear it.. so i just had a feeling it was jordan letting me know that I was going to get my rainbow baby and sure enough im pregnant.
<3 nolan misses his momma and is still taking care of her from heaven

Jessica said...

what I found was freaky was that they played that song while Quinn was giving birth. I was just waiting for some kind of loss or something...the way they billed it up...the song itself is so depressing.

I was glad it ended the way they did. I loved Matthew Morrison singing lz's version of "Somewhere Over the rainbow." Loved that episode.

I am so glad that Nolan sent you a message. *hugs*

Beth said...

That just gave my cold chills!!

Joy said...

This brought tears to my eyes and chills along my arms. Wow, just wow. I'm speechless! I did catch that episode of Glee and just paralleling it to Nolan's story and your grief- it just matches perfectly. *HUGS*