Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Today was better than expected. I went to have another follow up appointment with my Dr and we think we could have found some possibilities on what may have contributed to this whole thing. She's not positive and may never be.... but this is a start. I won't go into details until we know for sure but if it is what we think it could be, it's semi preventable in future pregnancies. Hopefully in future pregnancies my baby will grow perfect and be normal size and I won't get Pre-e or HELLP. At my official 6 week postpartum appointment she will have some labs drawn to see if it's a few things I have not been tested for yet in hopes to get some answers.

We also got the time frame when we can start trying for a little brother or sister for Nolan. It's sooner than expected and a little more than hoped. BUT it could be WAY worse. We're excited so until then we are going to set little monthly goals to get us through the time we need to wait. Plus were hoping on maybe planning a anniversary cruise for December. I think we have definitely earned a cruise, so maybe I should go book one. (If you know us, we are addicted to cruising...we will find any excuse to go on a cruise)

So some future things to look forward to...
July : another Dr appointment and My Birthday (whoo-hoo)
Aug: Nothing yet, probably me going back to work, I hope I'll be ready.
Sept: Will be a bad month, maybe take a weekend trip SOMEWHERE

Oct: Noelle's Vegas Wedding!

November: Nothing yet


Here's another crazy story.
So the 2nd song in Nolan's video "I Will Remember You" was used because it has importance in our family. It was a popular song when my Grandma died and we played it at her funeral and also played it at my Uncles a few months later. Then the song would always ironically come on the radio. Times such as, going to visit the graves, visit Grandpa, or when we were talking about them.
Until Nolan, I had not heard the song in FOREVER at least a year or so.
Today we took our "wedding cruise" authentic Nautical Chart to the frame store to be framed. We plan on hanging this in Nolan's new room (was a nursery, now a sitting room with Nautical & Nolan stuff) As we are picking out frames and mattes....THE SONG COMES ON THE RADIO right after explaining to the guy why this was so important to us and told him about Nolan. Insane huh? It just goes to show us Nolan is with us all the time. :)

I'm sad my family is leaving tomorrow, well my Dad and sisters are. It's been a HUGE help having them all in the house, they have kept me nice and distracted. At least my Mom is staying with me a few more days. I need her around especially with Chris back to work. So maybe I'll get semi used to it this week since my Mom will still be with me for a few nights.

I have come to realize I can't change what happened, so I need to try to move on. Easier said than done, but I can at least make an attempt. Trust me, it's hard being around or hearing about all my friends that are pregnant and due around the same time. I want nothing more than to be in their boat, and NEVER EVER want them to go through what we did. I think it's going to be hard for awhile, especially until September 13th when he was SUPPOSE to arrive. But it hurts, in a backwards way.

I have to realize that maybe Nolan was REALLY sick and more sick than he looked and never would have lived a good life. He could have had a lot of medical problems, and with that, heaven was a better place for him. I love him more than anything, it's amazing how much you can fall in love with your child so fast. I look forward to having that love for a baby sister or brother and that's what keeps me going. Time is our enemy but we want me to be healthy and my body be ready so that I can give everything I can to make that baby healthy. I hope and pray we will NEVER have to go through this again, and I know Nolan will watch over us in the future. I really do think Nolan has made us even better parents for the future. He sure did make a difference in his short time here.

I love and miss you munchkin, and we have not missed one day yet without visiting you.


Fanny said...

Ashley, you absolutely amaze me!
I will cross my fingers for you that it is what you think it is, but something tells me that regardless of what the cause was you will persevere through it.
You are the strongest, most wonderful optimistic woman I know. I am absolutely inspired.

Mrs. Goodson...Woo Hoo!! said...

The strength that I feel from you when I read your posts is simply amazing!! I am the sure the future will bring such wonderful suprises....keep your chin up & God Bless.

Kimberly said...

I hope you guys are able to TTC very soon! You should definitely go on an anniversary cruise! You guys deserve a vacation. Its amazing that you heard that song at that point isn't it? Nolan is just sending you little reminders that he is watching over him Mommy & Daddy.

cmatsukes said...

I see in your words it is starting to get better for you. Yes I think Nolan had a lot of things not right inside and his life would have been hard for you and him. Yes you should take a cruise and just relax just you and chris, you need that. I guess you are not going to your cuz's wedding this weekend I did not expect you would. Take it easy and rest and I know you two will make excellent parents in the future you have some much love to give and Nolans sis or brother will be blessed to have you. You stay strong mentally and get strong physically and you will have brighter times in the future.